Is it wrong to have a relationship if you have a very ill spouse?

Question

My spouse and I were separated because he was physically abusive. We separated for a while, however while we were separated he became terribly ill. I just could not walk away and divorce him. In the meantime I have met another friend who treats me like a woman wants to be treated. He totally understands that I need to take care of my husband, however I feel guilty about this relationship. Am I so wrong for having these two relationships? The relationship with my husband is not physical at all!

Answer 1

What did you say at your wedding .. in sickness and health... or was it go out and have a relationship ..guess that doesn't mean anything anymore.
While being physically abusive is not all right you are still married and since you asked the question you know it is not all right to do what you are doing.

Answer 2

Are you legally separated? If so then there is nothing to feel bad about.
Also if your "husband" is terminal then I would think that he would think that you should be happy.
If your husband was abusive to you and that is why you were going to leave him, I would honestly take a step back and ask yourself if you still have to be married to him? Can't you divorce him and still take care of him at the same time?
You need too step back and ask yourself if what you are doing is right or wrong.
It doesn't matter what we think or say
It comes down to what you think.
Good Luck you are a better person than I would be if in your shoes. I would have still left him since he was an abuser.
Thoughts are with you

Answer 3

Darlin' - you owe the physically abusive spouse nothing. LESS than nothing. There is the 'Law of Attraction' that would suggest his illness is just another means of controlling you - it's what he desperately wants, and therefore he brings on an illness to make you fall back into the abusive/guilt-ridden rut you've always lived in.

However, b/4 you move on in this new relationship, please DO get counseling. If you haven't yet done so, there's a good chance the new relationship will somehow reflect the abusive patterns of the old one - though it may be wearing much different clothing at present.

Best wishes, sister!

Answer 4

The ONLY time I support divorce is when somebody is being physically abused or victim of severe emotional abuse. You are a GOOD person for wanting to take care of an ill husband who was physically abussive. Especially when you read about all of the IDIOTS on here looking to get divorced over stupid stuff (likes the guy at work better, wife won't put out, kids won't listen, etc etc). But in this case, I wouldn't feel guilty for letting him fend for himself. Had he been a better husband who wasn't so abusive, then maybe he'd have somebody to stick by him. A valuable lesson for husbands who beat their wives! You never know when you'll need somebody to hold your hand through the dark times!

Answer 5

I think that what you are doing is fine.As long as your only committed to one on a physical and relationship level without letting your wanting to take care of your husband interfere with your time and efforts going into the other relationship.Always remember the reasons why you aren't with your husband anymore and why you are really there for him now despite how he treated you in the past-because your a good person.So i think what you are doing is fine until someone starts to get hurt or neglected despite your best interests.So good luck and i am sorry about your husbands illness he is very lucky to have you by his side.I don;t know you but any woman /person that stays around for the benefits of a man who physically abused her is pretty amazing.!

Answer 6

As long as you're married, it is wrong to have a relationship with someone other than your husband. I understand that he was abusive, you two separated, and he fell ill during that period, but it's still wrong to have an affair. Period. Emotionally, you've already walked away. So, what good are you doing by staying physically? You need to care for your husband physically as well as emotionally if you truly love him.

Answer 7

physically abusive is very serious. If u were in an abusive realtionship u had every right to leave other wise who knows where u would be today?? Im not saying turn your back on your husband but be there for him let him know that you stand by 100% for whatever he is going through. As for your second realtionship your happy? So is he? then whats wrong with you both being together and working together to make it work. your not doing nothing wrong. U were out of your first marriage a long time ago, for abuse, need need to stand for that.

Answer 8

I dont think it is wrong. You were abused and you had every right to leave. The husband is lucky that you still care enough to take care of him and help him out.

I was in an abusive relationship as well. I know how painful it is both mentally and physically.

Good luck to you. I hope someday you will be happy with a man you love and you should be treated with respect.

Answer 9

Yes you are wrong for doing this. You should divorce the husband before you move on to the new guy. Let me recite something for you that I know everyone here has heard of, but seems like they ignore so much.

For richer or for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
For better or worse,
Till death do us part.

Don't know why ppl have such a hard time understanding this when they get married.

Answer 10

If this man was physically abusive to you then why would you want to take care of him? You owe him nothing. Stop letting him abuse you. Get on with your life. If you found a good, healthy, loving relationship, then go with it and never look back. Your ex-husband made his bed and now he must lay in it. If you can't see yourself leaving this man because he is ill, then you need to see a psychologist for some good therapy.