What do i do if i don't want my baby but have no choice?

Question

In early December last year i found out i was 1 and a half months pregnant,after a stupid 1 night stand with a guy i use to go to school with.When i found out,my oldest sister was with me,so i couldn't hide it.I went to the doctors thinking i had a bug or something,but no,and straight away i burst into tears.My sister tried to tell me everything would be ok,but i knew i couldn't keep it.I wasn't ready for a baby.But my family are real tight and totally against abortions,and im having the 1st grandchild that they've wanted for soo long.I definitely couldn't go against them.They say they're going to help me,but that i can't rely on them.I can barely look after myself...how can i raise a baby?I feel like im only doing this for my family.I've tried telling them but they say i'm only being selfish.Is that true,am i?And im the youngest,so half the time,what i think doesn't really matter anyway.I'm just scared and don't know what to do.Can any1 help me??oh,and the father,he doesnt even know..

Answer 1

okay, sweetie, this is YOUR decision. I have never been in this situation though. My cousin was however. He and his girlfriend had planned to give their baby up for adoption. His grandmother found out a month before she was due and it went downhill from there. My cousin won't take care of his child and neither will his girlfriend. You don't have to have an abortion. You could always give the baby up for adoption to a loving family. You need to think about you and this baby, not your family. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 2

You are the mother of the baby. If you're under age, you may not have the option of having an abortion, but I recommend that you have the baby and give it up for adoption if you feel you can't take care of it. That is the best thing to do. It's not up to your parents. That's too much pressure on you. That's not the way to do things, just because it's their first grandchild. No way. You are not being selfish at all. There are thousands of women out there that would love to adopt your baby. Here are a couple of websites I found that might help you:

www.americanadoptions.com
www.knowledgeisempowerment.com

You're a great person. Look what you're doing right now. Looking for help for yourself and wanting to do the right thing. You might also contact your local health department or a crisis counseling place for pregnant girls. What you think does matter. Maybe talk with your parents and try to make them understand what you're going through. Look for support from friends, maybe a counselor or church. There's alot of people out there that can help you. Take good care.

Answer 3

first of all tell the father. even if you decide to give the baby up for adoption, the father has to sign his rights away and sign all the papers too. if he wants you to keep the baby, explain that you cannot take care of a child. second, if you decide to put the baby up for adoption, then tell your family that you love them very much, but you want to give this child the best life they can have and you cannot do it on your own. what ever you decide, don't feel pressured into anything. Do what you feel is right and tell your family that whatever you decide is your choice, and you need support no matter what.

I was a single mom with help from her family. It worked out ok. But when family influences you into something it isn't always right. I don't want to sound like the biggest witch in the world, but it's your choice and you are going to have to make that decision. Family is good, but sometimes they can be selfish. If someone adopts the baby, you can ask if they can send you letters and pictures of the child so your family can see that you made a good choice.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I know you must be having a really hard time right now, especially when people are trying to force you into becoming the poster girl for the Pro-Life movement. Yahoo! Answers is not necessarily the best place to go when seeking advice on a dilemma regarding whether or not to continue with your pregnancy. Ultimately, it's your choice, and although it's nice to hear other people's opinions, it's not so cool to be badgered into making a decision that you're not comfortable with.

You don't mention how old you are in your question, but it sounds like you don't feel prepared to bring a child into this world. People tend to say that nobody ever feels completely prepared to have a kid, and I totally agree, but I also believe that the person has to want to have the child. The truth is, people make mistakes, and although abortion shouldn't be used as a contraceptive method, it is nonetheless an alternative. Whether you decide to continue with your pregnancy is your choice, and whatever decision you make should be WELL THOUGHT-OUT so that you can learn from your mistakes and be comfortable in your own skin.

Talk to a healthcare professional or someone you trust, preferably a neutral party who can give you objective information regarding your different alternatives. Remember, it's your choice.

Answer 5

I believe abortion is murder. Anyway, tell the father. I know what ur going through. Im a single mom and my family is helpin me out til i can get on my own. Id like it if u email me. Theres a few links i can give u for help ie free clothes..Free crib.. Or whatever. Plus u can get help from the state. And get child support. I mean..Yah the sex may have been a mistake but ur baby isnt. Trust me. Ull luv being a mommy. The first true smile and other major milestones. My daughter was stillborn. And now i think about what coulda been. It hurts a lot to lose a baby..I dont understand y ppl chose abortion over adoption. U created the baby. (s)he has a rite 2 live! So yah please get in touch. I would like 2 help!

Answer 6

Honestly if my daughter got pregnant and didnt want her baby, I would definitley adopt the baby myself. I would not want my grandchild given up for adoption. When you have the baby see how you feel and decide from there. You may end up falling in love with your baby immediatley and then find out that you are capable of taking care of him or her. All things are possible. I have 3 boys and a girl on the way, and although it may be overwhelming at times to think about this new baby, I know myhusband and I will love her no matter what and things will be just fine. My baby was planned and it is still a little stressful thinking about having her here any time now. So I can see how you feel stressed out and scared. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 7

You are not selfish! BUT...Think about this...I have been with my husband for 5 years. We have been trying for a baby that long with NO success. We have lost one to an ectopic(tubal pregnancy) and one miscarraige. I have not been preg. for over 2 years. Not sure if I am ever going to have a baby. We both have great educations, loving families, great jobs, but no baby.There are families out there like mine that would love to adopt a special baby to make our lives full. My need for a baby is so great that everytime I hold a friend's baby no matter age or gender, I tear up and wish it was mine. So don't terminate the pregnancy. Let the father know, he or his family may want to take care of the sweet baby or find a loving family you trust to care for it or you can get an open adoption where the grandparents can be involved. All I know is that I wait to have what you are blessed with. If it's God's Will my husband will have a baby either by conception or adoption. Just turn it over to God and listen to what He is saying to you. And just make sure the baby is LOVED and CARED for!!! There are lots of people out there that can give a nurturing home to your baby if you don't feel you can. FYI-My husband has just agreed to go to a fertility specialist-I am so excited. We have to pay with finances, time and emotions for what comes easy and free for others. I wish you could feel the excitement of that little life growing in your body. He/She will change your priorities and perspectives on life. Also, know that I think pregnant women are the most beautiful people on this earth, so just find your answer through God, and let your heart lead you in the right direction.

Answer 8

If you really dont want the baby, then think about adoption.
You know Im married and filed for a divorce and I found out I was pregnant. I wasnt ready for a baby. But now im doing what I have to do. My husband isnt even around to share with this. So you have to do what is right for you and your baby. I wonder sometimes how am i going to do this but I know I can get through it. I still wanted time to have fun and be free but I cant do anything about that now. There is help you can get if you do decide to keep it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you think on what you really want to do, I have heard that once you see your babies face all your doubts will just disappear.
If you need anyone to talk to email me.

Answer 9

No you aren't being selfish, they are. First off you must tell the father, he has a right to know especially if you must carry the child to term, then tell your parents they must legally adopt the child or you will put the baby up for adoption. Make it clear that this is done for the good of the child so it can grow up wanted in a happy house. Its too late now for an abortion in most states, but tying your life up now when you aren't ready isn't in your best interests. When you carry a child, you can't hide behind scared and young anymore, you have to grow up in a hurry and do whats best for you and the child, not your parents.

Answer 10

Well, regardless of what your family might think, if they're not going to raise the child then you need to consider the alternative of adoption. Contact an agency that specializes in newborn adoptions. There are many who will have the adopting family pay for all medical expenses and even allow certain maternal contact (if desired).

Its certainly a better alternative than raising an unwanted and potentially unloved child. I had a friend who went this route. It was really hard on her, but she felt she was making the right decision.

Consider it.