Wah!! I'll never get with my crush because I'm stuck in my (bad) marriage. Any advice?

Question

I live in a fantasy world about my crush, who is impossible to have for many reasons. I'm in a for-the-kids marriage. Thinking about a lifetime with this person makes me BEYOND depressed. How can I find my way back to happiness?

I and we have tried all manner of counseling, to no avail.

Answer 1

Just remember the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Answer 2

I would, personally, get out of the marriage. To stay in for the kids sake doesn't seem healthy. Kids are more understanding than you give them credit for. But then I really don't know your situation...And another option would be to divorce after your youngest turns 18. Not a lifetime really. At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Putting your happiness over your children's "family stability" may seem like a noble thing to do, it may have adverse affects down the road. Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow. That's pretty sad. I think your best bet is to figure out how to get out of the misery your in. Your kids can't be happy if your not. A bad marriage affects the kids as much as the parents, even though you may not realize it. If your depressed, you children will be as well.
As for the crush, why is it so impossible? Is it because you're married? Or is it because your crush has issues?? If it seems you will never be together (this is assuming your going to get out of your marriage) then you must move on. I'm sure it's not easy, but it's something that you'll need to forget about if it's as impossible as you say it is. You would need to get a seperation/divorce FIRST before even thinking of moving on to someone new.....it's obvious that you're not a cheater, or you would have done that by now.
Your best bet is to figure out what's wrong in your marriage, if your willing to fix things with you and your partner. Counsilling would be the best route to go and if your spouse doesn't want to go with you, than you need to go it alone....find out what happened, where your at, and why and how you got there and what you can do to help yourself AND your marriage. These professionals know what they are doing. They know how to get you to THINK and to get you to the bottom of yourself.
Give it a try.
You need to forget about your crush right now and focus,soley, on your family to try to fix what's wrong. Being distracted by your "crush" will not help you, but will only hurt your family since you won't be able to give them your ALL.
Once you figure out what's going on and get your mind set on finding your happiness, this is when your TRUE happy self will come forth.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

You can talk with your spouse to make sure there's nothing possible to rekindle your relationship, and if agreed get a divorce. Putting in 31 yrs into a marriage like you are trying to describe shows that happiness is deserved far sooner than the growing up of the kids if you allow reality to kick in, so think of real life, not a fantasy.

Answer 5

Oh, wow...where to start? I can relate about the "living in a fantasy about the perfect guy/perfect marriage" scenario; I'm convinced that just about everybody utilizes fantasy as a diversion from everyday stress of living. But you need to realize that fantasy is just that...fantasy. Who's to say that you'd be happier with Mr. Perfect than with your husband? I'd be fair to yourself first; step back, take an objective look at your life and ask yourself if you truly do not love your husband anymore, or if you're just not satisfied with how life is at the moment. If you can fix whatever's broken, do so. Try counseling, either individually or as a couple. Try to rekindle that spark before walking away. Now, of course if violence is involved in anyway, run, don't walk! Please don't stay in an abusive relationship. But as for Mr. Perfect and that fantasy, don't go chasing illusions. That would just be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Answer 6

You got to come back to the REAL WORLD. You need to re-think about your marriage and how you gonna work it. You are being responsible for thinking about the kids in the marriage and that is good. Stay focused on your marriage and do not try to "fantasize" again. You need to have a reality check though. Maybe you can get yourself active in work, exercise and some hobbies that may interest you. Keep going at that and you should be fine. Take care.

Answer 7

Realize that "in it for the kids marriage" is not good on the kids. Kids pick up on these things. Would you have wanted your parents to stay together just because of you? If you are depressed in your marriage then you need to either seek family therapy or get out of the marriage if its not going to get any better.
But to leave your husband for a "Crush" that may or may not want you is another thing.
If you are going to leave him leave him because you can't make it work and you dont' want to hurt the kids!
I wish you luck!

Answer 8

First, realize that you are seriously short-changing your children. They are SUPPOSED to live with two happy, caring, nurturing parents. You notice, right, that depressed is not in that list.
As a matter of fact, it would be better for your children were you to be happy and separate from you husband that the way things are now. Problem is, of course, that you might very well not be happy if you were with your crush. Find a counselor who can help you sort out your feelings and the cause of your depression (you are not depressed because you aren't with your crush--sad, perhaps, but not depressed.)

Answer 9

I think that you should try to get your crush-even if you can't, don't live with a man who makes you beyond depressed. Trust me, you can't spend your life like that. If I was you, I'd rather just take care of the kids alone rather thatn ruin my whole entire life. Maybe that person might make your KID(S) depressed also and I know you wouldn't want that.And besides, maybe you'll find someone better than your crush. I mean...you never know....

Answer 10

Grow up and recognize that you have other people to think about. You're not doing anyone any good living in a fantasy world that depresses you. If you're staying in the marriage for the best interest of your children then for crying out loud, do what's BEST FOR THE CHILDREN!

Answer 11

Wow! Do you see the answers that women are giving to a woman who is trying to do the right thing and honor the committment she's made?

They're telling her to divorce him for a fantasy!

For the modern American male, American marriage is like playing Russian roulette with a semi-automatic.

Why? Because the term “starter husband” has now become a common term where a woman will get married and have at least one child so she gets children and a guaranteed income at the expense of any sucker who will fall for it, and then she is free to divorce him, have sex with whomever she wants, and drag the kids through one failed relationship to the next all the while marginalizing the starter husband out of her children’s lives.

Do you think that’s the exception? Guess again.
The ugly truth is that more than often than not, marriages will end in divorce. Over 90% will be initiated by the woman. The man will get raked over in family court. She will get the house, the kids, 40-60% of their assets, and more than half of his disposable take home income for the next 18 years. He will see his kids 2 out of 14 days (he is lucky if she doesn't level unsubstantiated "abuse" claims – a death sentence for men that requires no substantiation whatsoever). If he loses his job due to illness or downsizing, the State will toss him in jail. While jailed the arrearage will grow and the state will charge interest. The State will revoke his driver's and professional licenses, make him virtually unemployable.
Women love to carry on about how men are afraid to commit. The real problem is that women are all to willing to bail for any reason or none at all, thanks to "no-fault" divorce. Worse, there is financial incentive for her to divorce, since she gets all the spoils of war, and her income is now guaranteed, if not by the father, then by the state. Her income is fixed at his highest level of pay. God forbid when the American economy takes a dive and most of the men are still required to pay at the level of imputed income (what they “should” be able to make) when they genuinely cannot find a job. In marriage, both the husband and wife endure the pain of temporary hardship. In divorce, only men and children suffer; not the women.
If you were to take up sky-diving, and the instructor informed you that more than half of the parachutes were defective, would you still jump? Not on your life. And only the dumbest of American men have not come to terms with this fact. But one way or another, they will.

Due to the financial and emotional devastation visited upon most American men, now we are up to 30% of eligible males who are now die-hard marriage avoiders, plus the 54% of guys are not interested in getting married any time soon – if at all – make over ¾ of American men who are waking up to the insanity. The men's Marriage Strike is alive and well, thank you.