should i call my daughter's ex? would it stop her from cutting herself?

Question

im worried sick looking at her cut herself up everytime she thinks of him. he is in australia, really far and has no clue of her state. she contemplated ending her life and now she cuts herself to ease the pain of her broken heart. what should i do? i cant see my daughter bleed herself. i want to call her ex and make him talk to her and hopefully she will listen. do u think i should make that call?

we have doctors coming around everyday, they are worried too. she laughs like she is happy and the next second she cuts her hand. we have taken all metal objects but as a mother im just desperate and in despair.

my daughter is 20 yrs old.

Answer 1

NO YOU NEED TO SEEK MEDICAL HELP FOR HER OR TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL.

WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE ANYTHING YET?

GOOD LUCK!!!
♠♥♣♦

Answer 2

Hi
I really feel for you as a friends daughter did the same thing. It was a real struggle for the family, and friends. Every time this poor girl was rejected or felt rejected she would cut herself. She was eventually diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, after being hospitalised.

You don't say how old she is. Does she still attend school or does she work? Has she had a full mental health assessment? Is she on any medication?

I think having her ex boyfriend talk to her, may complicate things, if not tip her over the edge completely. In fact what could he say or do to help, possibly not much. If he did and it tipped her over the edge imagine the guilt you both would feel.

Speak to her doctors and demand a full assessment be done, even if it mean hospitalisation. Try to get as much support for her and your family, including counselling for you all, possibly even a support groups, such as GROW.

Another thing to do is keep her busy/active, but make sure you have time out (you will burn out if you don't).

I wish you well and good luck

Answer 3

What do you hope to achieve by calling him? Nothing he could say would ever make her understand why they must be apart. And if you're hoping for him to get back with her, well he'd be getting back with her for all the wrong reasons. Not only that, but that may stop the cutting for now, but what happens in the future when things don't go her way? She will go back to cutting. And if he DOES get back with her to stop her from cutting, she will see that cutting herself is a great way to get what she wants. You will only be encouraging this sort of behavior.

I suggest you take her to see a therapist. Regardless of the trigger, she has a problem. If it's not her ex-boyfriend next week, then what else will cause her emotional pain, and get her to start cutting herself again? How will she deal with the MANY stresses life is going to offer? Cutting herself and suicide is not the answer. She needs to learn how to deal with stress in an safe and healthy manner.

Answer 4

Even if you have doctors coming around all the time, perhaps they are not doing anything because she needs a therapist who specializes in this kind of behavior.
Calling her ex is not going to do any good. If every time a person has a broken heart, she tries to slowly bleed to death, you are going to be holding your breath the rest of your life, waiting for the next broken heart and the next round of bleeding to start.
Worse, if you call her ex and he tries to talk her out of doing what she knows is wrong (of course she knows it is wrong - it is her lack of self-control that will kill her), she will have learned a powerful lesson: that you can make people do things by cutting yourself. You can even make your ex call you and be concerned about you!
Leave the ex out of it. Have your daughter committed to a mental health facility just because she is a danger to herself. It's not going to be solved without serious therapy and not while you are around, wringing your hands and feeding what might be a subconscious need on her part for high drama.

Answer 5

to start with - i'm not a doctor. personally - i don't think calling the ex would be a good idea. he is the reason she is cutting herself. It may give her false hope which is worse that no hope. what you need to do is get her some help. it may mean admitting her into a program until she heals, but sitting around watching this is only hurting you and your daughter. I can't imagine what you are going through - I only hope you both make it out safely and happy. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear about your daughter, I know 3 girls that do the same thing and they do not know why. My best friend for 16 years is one of them but I did not find out until a year ago. She is Bipolar and thinks that has something to do with it. I do not think it would be wise to call the X, I think that would only stretch this hard time out.
Although I cannot say much about it, I can tell you it is not uncommon at all and you should be Abel to get some help. I have to say she should not drink too much if any at all, and you can find more info on line look up (cutters.) my prayers are with you.

Answer 7

Your daughter has deeper problems then this. If she cuts herself over this guy she will cut herself over another. Its not the guys fault that she cuts herself so do not get him involved. He could have been tired of dealing with her drama. She needs to seek medical or psycological help immediately. There are plenty of rehab type places that are not expensive. Do some research. But just like with any other addiction, because thats what this is for her, if she doesnt want help you cant force it on her. She needs to hit a bottom first. Research and good luck. If all else fails pray for her.

Answer 8

You really need to take her to an acute psych care center. She will be safe in the immediate, do some group therapy and get peer feedback, then you will need to have a good outside therapist for support. But, she's 20 and that's adult, so that will be put in front of her quite a bit. Its a hard process. I am having troubles of my own with my 14 yo who cut once because she was upset and has nearly od-ed on otc pills beause she was upset by a peer situation. You just have to get your daughter in a safe place in the immediate. Don't call the ex - its on your daughter. I feel for you. I'm sorry to hear about this.

Answer 9

The x is not the problem here and my feeling is that it would be terribly unfair to look to him for your solution. It would only inflict responsibility and guild where there should be none.
It must be awful to see your daughter constantly hurting herself and I'm sure you must be feeling very desperate to help her but I think what she needs is some qualified counseling.There is also a possibility that she may be suffering from some form of depression which can cause her to act unreasonably to things she would normally be able to handle. I suggest that you speak to her doctor specifically about this. Be aware though that some doctors are still very old school where depression is concerned and simply consider it to be a sadness of sorts that one can work themselves out of instead of the uncontrollable, debilitating problem that it really is. If you aren't satisfied with the response from your doctor , find another one that is knowledgeable and willing to explore the possibility. If depression is a problem then the good news is it's treatable!!
Good luck to you and your daughter . I truly hope that you are able to find the help and guidence you need for her very soon : )

Answer 10

YOu should take her to a therapist or put her in the hospital. If you really love your daughter then you will know that this is the best for her. THere is much more going on than just her boyfriend being away. This is way more serious for you to try to fix it by calling her boyfriend. If it was my daughter, I would have her admitted into a rehab of some sort and that's because I love her so much that I will do anything to help her even if it means hurting her for a while.

Answer 11

This might not help but I used to self-harm myself. A lot of people say it's "a cry for attention." Personally I think it's a way of feeling anything apart from what you're feeling inside. ie your daughter's broken heart.

Phoning the ex might help but from personal experience all you can really do is be there for her as much as possible. The hardest part is it's hard to want anyone around as by cutting your self you are at rock bottom. Be there (but only if she wants you to be) as much as possible. Talk to her and involve her in as much as you can. That is the best thing i believe you can do. Really wish you all the best. I hope things work out.