is he still married because of lack of common sense, stupidity, ignorance or is he just too lazy for a divorce

Question

Last year when I met my b/f, he was in a marriage that he was unhappy in. We became friends and I told him I had to respect that he had a wife that he was still with. A few months later, he decided to leave her,not FOR me, because he was not happy. Eventually we became more than friends and are currently a live in couple and are expecting a child. I am almost 6 months pregnant. I knew I was with a 'married' man but was under the impression that he had every intention of a divorce. he SAYS he does, but 9 months after leaving her, he still has not made the attempt to get the divorce started. I have exprressed to him how bad it hurts me every day knowing hes still married to her and i'm pregnant and we've argued over it,he says next paycheck i'll file.. but 13 paychecks later since i'm pregnant he still hasn't put money aside for it. I continue to give him grief about it and still nothing. what should i do? he is so good to me in every other way. but this is going to destroy us. I hate it

Answer 1

well you have to give him an ultimatum and let him know that he needs to get this done or you are out of there. You are worthy to a commitment and he is showing you nothing.

Answer 2

Well now, i know the people in this situation and i will not side with either one BUT i do know that this guy loves you so much and your little girl and your soon to be child. You knew he was married and had a sick 18 month old son. His paychecks are much lower then yours and he pays child support every month, drives a gas hog, the only car he can find at the time and yes, even though he had said he would get the divorce, the money just isn't there at this time and you know it.
YOU should have waited until he was no longer married, to hook up with him. You did not say, * I will only be with you if you divorce her before we move forward with this relationship * then 2 months later your all gitty and happy that you MIGHT be pregnant and turned out you were. Now, its your way or the highway and it doesn't seem fair as YOU went after him as much as HE went after you and now all the blame is on him. Not disrespecting you, just stating the facts i see.
The way you treated him the first 4 months of your pregnancy should have made him run and not turn back but he stuck it out because he loves you and you know it. If his only fault is not having the money for a divorce due to bills and issues you both have and made for yourself, count your blessings. He could be another abuser like the one boyfriend you had off of myspace or the lazy ones that came home with you and never left, just moved right in on you. You both are guilty for your actions of just jumping into this relationship and not USING YOUR BRAINS ... ( THE BOTH OF YOU ).

Answer 3

This isn't going to destroy the two of you. That is obviously a fantasy that doesn't exist.

He's most likely a bit passive-aggressive. Well, more than a bit! If he divorces her, then he won't have any excuse to not marry you... especially since you're pregnant. Also, if he divorces her and things don't work out with you two, well, then the poor man might be alone. So he's a coward too!

You've expressed how much it hurts every day, but it obviously doesn't hurt enough for you to leave him and he sees that. So it can't hurt you that much, or you'd leave. That is how he thinks.

He can say whatever he wants, but you have given him absolutely NO reason to divorce her. You've stuck around. You're pregnant. Do you want your child to think that this is okay?

You need to get on with YOUR life. He's holding you back and you know it!

And he's good to you in other ways because he knows that's all he has to do to keep you with him.

Answer 4

You should give the guy a break, he probably loves you, but marriage is a big emotional roller coaster, and if his last one turned out badly can you blame him for not being in a hurry to take the plunge again so soon? That is exactly what you are implying when you hassle him to get a divorce. Just enjoy what the two of you have together while it is there, and in a few months enjoy being a parent with him. The rest will come naturally and if it doesn't, than it wasn't meant to be.

Answer 5

This is the cause and effect on believing and having affair with a unfaithfull married man. He is a man who can't decide what he really want. Never believe a married man who always telling you that he will divorce his wife but never even care to take action. He will never divorce his wife coz either because he still love her or because of financial problem. If you really love him, just accept that you are just the "other woman" in his life..... As you are already know clearly that you are the "other woman" before you start having affair with him.

Answer 6

You couldn't be looking for anyone to feel sorry for your situation after you willing moved in with a married man. So, now that you've fallen or the oldest story in the book regarding a married guy, what are you going to do now that you can see that he had no intention of getting a divorce in the first place?

Answer 7

wow aren't you in a pickle. First you messed with a married man, got pregnant by this man and he still hasn't files for divorce?? That isn't saying much about either of your morals. He may not have the money to set aside, with you being pregnant and all and for that matter if it is so importnant to you then why not offer to help him pay?

Answer 8

Well, that's the problem, you tried to get with a married man, and now things aren't working out for you. Do you honestly believe that things will work out for you two? I can't believe you are having this man's child without any kind of commitment! He's making false promises, and honestly, I wouldn't be with him anymore. I'd take your stuff and leave, and make a life for you and your child, and hopefully down the road you will find someone that actually wants to promise himself to you, not just talk about it. I think giving him grief is the worst thing you could do...would you want to marry someone that is on their @ss about it? I don't think so... Sorry, my answer probably isn't one you want to hear, but it seems that this relationship was destroyed when you two got together.

Answer 9

pack a bag and leave...if he loves you and wants to be with you he will do all he can to stop you. just give him the ultimatum...and if he doesnt try to keep you, then believe me you will thank yourself for leaving later in life. you do not want to be with a man who cheated on his wife (yes, i know they werent "together") got his live in pregnant and wont commit to a marriage or a divorce. sounds like he has some serious issues and you dont want to bring an innocent baby into all of this, life is way too hard for a newborn. stress on mom isnt good for baby, in or out of the womb. when it comes (do you know sex?) you will find that your baby is all that matters to you and you just focus on being a good mother, not trying to keep dad around. it sucks sometimes but better to find out where you stand now, rather than when baby makes 3 plus a wife and whatever baggage he has with her. you will do the right thing for you and baby, its all in that maternal instinct thing...not only that, but better to get yourself and your life figured out now, before baby, because there is a good chance that with all of the "unknown" that is going on, you will probably get depressed and there is already the chance for that after baby comes. take care of yourself, look out for you and baby. he is a big boy and who knows, maybe forcing him to make a decision will be the best decision YOU ever made...GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

I would look at other options, moving in with a friend or a parent or something. Let him come to his own decision ALONE.

It's a horrible situation that he has put you and you do not deserve to be treated like that. So don't let him treat you like that, be as proactive as you can. Hopefully then he shall realize exactly what he is missing in you.

Answer 11

his wife had a life before u, maybe she is trying to hold on, maybe divorce would mean disaster for him in a financial way. women like u is the reason so many marriages end, before the wife and husband have a chance to work it out. i would bet his wife hates what has happened too.