am i a cold person? I don't like hugs, etc, why?

Question

I am really shy. but i also have always been squeamish when it comes to hugs, kisses , etc. My family and relatives know that i am like this. my mom even says i'm cold when i flinch when she rubs my shoulders, pats my back, etc. My cousins always say, "i know you hate hugs' or "aren't you going to kiss me hello?" because they know i never do it. They used to take it personally but i think they've figured it out by now that it's just my personality. Even my best friend comments whenever she hugs me. I give her a very pathetic hug back. I also have difficulties with terms of endearment and cute talk. For example, once my friend said "i love you" and i didn't say anyting, and she said, "that's okay you don't have to love me" "or "you don't have to say it back" i'm not saying i DON'T love these people in my life,in fact i am appreciative of them, it's just that i never show it. it makes me uncomfortable and i would blush if i had to say it, and be embarrassed. What is wrong with me?

Answer 1

I really can't tell you definitively.
I can guess.
You are private, solitary, shy, secretive, fearful, anxious and/or timid. Pick only those adjectives that apply.
In all your life you have been most comfortable when you could keep your distance. To touch, even a little, makes you feel threatened and uneasy.
Now, your avoidance of touch is an ingrained habit.

Again, I can not and will not tell you that you are in the wrong.
If you are at peace, then it is up to those who love you to tolerate your preference.

If you want to try stepping out of your comfort zone to explore another way of interacting, then you can do that by force of will. The desire to do this has got to be as great as the need to remain as you are. And the only one you must satisfy is yourself.
You are loved no matter what you do. You have nothing to lose. You always have choices and you can always try something on to see if it fits.

Answer 2

Nothing is wrong with you. Some people just don't like hugs. America is a very touchy-feely country, but even Americans would be surprised by the touch-feeliness of say, Italy, or Slovakia. And then there is Japan, where PDS is a no-no and even family members rarely hug, if ever - this would come as a shock to most Americans.
It all depends on social norms, and personal preference. Don't feel pressured to squeeze when you don't feel the need.

Answer 3

I am pretty much the same way, and I don't consider myself a 'cold' person. I'm very loving and hands on with my kids, but other than that it seems to me that hugging hello or good-bye just seems to lack sincerity. It is more of a gesture I think. Now, if you said you didn't like/love the people hugging you then I might say you are somewhat of a cold person. Don't feel bad about it, just learn to express yourself in some way you're comfortable with to put those that love you at ease.

((((HUGS))))
hahaha

Answer 4

You have sexualized ALL contact with other people, and you need to distinguish casual social contacts from really intimate behavior. You are taking these casual touchings too, too seriously. Way down inside, not consciously, you think that a peck on the cheek, hug, or anything more than a distant handshake is like sexual contact. It isn't. Nor is it an aggression on you, although you are reacting as though someone might want to hurt you. You have to see, rationally, that you are overreacting.

Answer 5

Nothing is wrong with you. I am like that,exactly. You don't need to change anything. I use to think that I had to be more affectionate to my family and friends, but I learned: It doesn't matter.
If you don't feel like hugging someone or being physical, then don't. It's very simple, and it doesn't make you mean, or rude.

Answer 6

i am the same way, i feel like i dont have any feelings, but the good thing is your adknowledging it. This can be so for many reasons, as for me my father was never affectionate with me, never hugged me or kissed me, i know he loves me but he just didnt show me he did, and i think that hurt me a lot. So try and analize what happpened, i dont know how your childhood was, but thats where you might find your answer!

Answer 7

nothing your just not an affectionate person. as long as the people close to you know this is who you are and that you love them , then your fine. you can explain this to your mom so she wont call you cold.
im the same way when it comes to family , im alright when my friends hug me but its my uncles, aunts and the rest that i feel uncomfortable about .

Answer 8

Maybe you need more self-confidence. You have to learn to love yourself before you love others, they always say.

Not sure if you're interested in meditation or anything like that, but if you do then it can certainly help you figure this out with less input from us.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

there's nothing wrong with you, really. In my opinion, I think you just don't like all the display of affection. i am kinda like you too, except that i let my best friend hug me, and i hug her back. it's just the way you think of all the hugs and things that requires deep emotions...

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever, don't think that you have to prove that you are descended from a monkey by going around apeing everyone else and trying to please them, because that will only remind them of who and what they are and they will hate you for it. Things will turn out OK for you, I know!!! Be good.