I Found Everything..........?

Question

I feel so bad......I went to use the computer and my hubby porn folder was up on the computer........I saw all the crazy stuff he view........I am so hurt .........he told me he did not do that and I believed him......well I showed him what I found and he said it is not for him........BUT me and him is the only two that live in this house.........he is lying.........he have an addiction and he refuse to admit it ..........he do not want to go to counseling for help................I am so tired of everything..........What should I do?

Answer 1

I know how you feel...I have been there before...

I don't think that any of the situation is worth looking over...

Porn is clearly an addiction...and if he doesn't want to go to counseling, then it is time for you to make some options about what your standards are for the marriage...

The lies are also not tolerable...

I think that you need to ask yourself if you are willing to live with him for the rest of your life in that type of relationship...

It is not normal for a man to look at porn...and it is not normal for a man to lie to his wife...those things are unacceptable...and as you sit around and tolerate it, you are basically giving him the o.k. to continue what he is doing without regard to how you feel about your relationship or about yourself...

It will only get worse...and before long, it will be in the process of going to the next level of perversion...

Of course he is going to lie to you when you caught him sneaking something that he knew would be offensive to you...you found it...it isn't like he brought it to you and said "here is some porn I like to look at honey"...

So, clearly it is a secret he is keeping from you...and as you allow it to fester, the lie will grow and the addiction will spiral out of control...

So, I think that you need to do some soul searching and determine whether or not you are willing to live with his addiction....

Or, you could stand up for yourself, and for your marriage...and give him some choices...be firm in how you follow up with you plan of action...and that should strike some type of desire for him to fix the areas that need to be worked on.....

The issue is deeper than porn...he is trying to feel some type of void in his life whether he knows it or not... he can't get over it without some support...

The choice of how to encourage him to make a change for the better is up to you....

Answer 2

If the porn is causing problems within your marriage then it is a hugh problem. If he doesn't know that it could cost him a family then tell him. Let him know what your feelings are and that your tired of dealing with it, if he wants to save this marriage ask him to stop looking at the porn. I'm not so sure I would be so much worried about the porn as him lying to you. Actually, you are the only one who knows how you feel about this and whether it would be worth giving up on him.

Answer 3

instead of being mad at him, try to talk to him about it. It's normal for a man to look at porn. Just as long as he is not actually sleeping with other women. maybe you can be more open about it. see where it can lead you. maybe it will spice up your sex life. you never know unless you try it out.