he is excited about the baby and everything but he is really worried about the birth iv even said he doesnt have to come in the delivery room but he says he wants to be there how can i convince him everything will be fine and not to worry?
2007-03-08 10:34:36 · 15 answers · asked by kelly n 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I am 35 weeks too. My partner is also a bit jittery so this is my advice.
Give him some jobs to do which will help you and take his mind off the birth e.g. Going out and getting some stocks of food in to save you having to cook and shop after the birth, give him a list - men love lists!.
Have you written a Birth PLan ( a short one page summery of what you want during and after the birth like pain relief). I got my husband involved in this so he felt part of the decision making. Think about what you want him to do during the birth e.g. Massage your back, bring you high energy snacks, spray your head with water, do you a CD with your favourite songs on - even if you end up not using any of these it will give him a role in the birth. We have put on the birth plan that my partner will announce the sex of the baby as well as cut the chord which he is really looking forward to. Just from having a real part of play has made him more relaxed and you feel like the three of you are in this together.
Talk to your midwife - I found mine very helpful in suggesting ways he could help you and the baby in the next three weeks.
And be flexible - He will be fine but he dosn't have to force himself to make any decision before you start going into labour . Like you he can remain flexible to option. ...And don't watch and birth videos and they just put you off!
Good luck, there are thousands of us in the same positive which is comforting!
2007-03-08 18:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think about it, his position is a little more frightening than yours, in a way. You KNOW you have to get that baby out of there, and you come from a long line of women who have managed it one way or another. He, on the other hand, can do nothing but watch, wait, and hope for the best.
You could try talking to him about his fears, but if he's anything like my husband, it won't help. My husband was SO worried those last few weeks, but we both weathered the delivery just fine.
Good luck!! You'll be holding your little one before you know it!
2007-03-08 18:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by Christal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry luv, you can't tell him not to worry. He needs to work through how excited he is and deal with his uncertainties and insecurities and this is how it manifests itself. Tell him to make sure he worries enough to make everything all right. Tell him it's on his shoulders to worry enough for the both of you. That if he worries about the baby hard enough it will make the delivery much easier on you, as you will know the worrying is being all taken care of by him. Tell him the best way to show he is worrying at top pace is to do housework. Tell him that if he wants to worry while he vacuums the house, he may get the chance to worry about another baby someday.
2007-03-08 19:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by Di'tagapayo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a sweet man, your partner! It's probably the fact that he thinks he's going to be completely helpless whilst you're laying there in pain. When I was giving birth my husband was present and he said he felt totally useless and that he couldn't do anything to help. I just reassured him that just by being there he was being a great help. Try to get him as involved as possible - making heat packs or ice packs, getting drinks of water for you, massaging you. There are so many things he could do to make him feel pro-active. I think a lot of fathers feel left out by the birthing process and the pregnancy lark as a whole so don't be afraid to get him as involved as possible. Good luck :)
2007-03-09 03:28:03 · answer #4 · answered by Helen B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I found this for you to have him read:
Dads in the Delivery Room
One of the negotiations expectant couples may have to face is who will be in the delivery room. Dr. Phil's opinion has been that the mother-to-be decides who gets to be present for the delivery. But what if the father-to-be doesn't want to be there? Author and parenting expert Armin Brott offers some tips:
There are many reasons a new dad may not want to be present. Perhaps he's the type of guy who gets squeamish when it comes to hospitals and medical procedures. Or maybe he's afraid he'll fall apart, making things harder on his partner. Or maybe he just doesn't want to see his wife in pain. There are some things to consider if you and your partner are having a hard time negotiating this:
If you're somewhat less than enthusiastic about being an active labor and delivery participant, don't beat yourself up about it or allow yourself to feel like a failure. As many as half of all expectant fathers have at least some ambivalence about participating in the birth of their children.
Recognize there's a difference between encouraging dads to be involved in their partners' pregnancies and pressuring them to do something they don't feel comfortable with.
If you're a nervous father-to-be, there are a few things you may want to try to help you get over some of your concerns:
Educate yourself.
Maybe what's really bothering you is the fear of the unknown. Try a childbirth education class or read a book specifically geared toward dads. Talk to your partner's obstetrician, midwife or prenatal instructor. There's a good chance that the more you know about what lies ahead, the more comfortable and confident you'll feel.
Discuss your feelings with your partner.
She needs to know what you're feeling and why, and it can help to find out exactly what she expects from you during labor and delivery. But be particularly sensitive to the way you do this. You don't want your partner to interpret your apprehensiveness as a sign that you don't care about her or the baby.
Clarify your role.
Maybe you really don't mind being there for the birth, but you're concerned about what may be required of you while you're there. Not every father has to cut the umbilical cord, or videotape the entire blessed event. Although this is your partner's big day, you do have the right to draw the line at certain things that you're truly reluctant to do. Talk with you partner frankly, she's sure to prefer you participate in some way, even if it's not exactly all on her own terms.
Relax.
No matter how nervous or squeamish you feel anticipating the birth, the reality is that expectant dads rarely fall apart once they're actually in the delivery room. Supporting your wife and wanting to be the first one to greet your newborn can keep you surprisingly calm and focused.
Get additional support.
If you're worried about losing it, or just not being an effective enough labor coach, hire a doula or enlist one of your wife's sisters or friends to be in the delivery room with you.
Talk to other dads.
Spend some time talking with other men who may have been through something similar. They'll probably understand your feelings, and might have some advice to offer about how they coped with their own nervousness, or overcame their feelings of helplessness in the face of their loved one's pain. It may also be reassuring to know that you're not alone. Most will tell you that being there was a roller coaster ride of conflicting emotional states, including exhaustion, exhilaration, amazement, boredom, fear, annoyance, panic and zen-like calm. And just about all the dads will tell you that they wouldn't have missed it for the world.
If at all possible, tough it out.
No matter how eloquently you explain your reason, missing the birth is probably going to hurt your partner. So if you're not absolutely at the panic stage, consider being there for the birth for no other reason than that it'll probably make your partner happy.
2007-03-08 18:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by Lindsey S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my hubby was soo worried about coming in to see me give birth it was unbelievable (hate to say cos of a prev bad exp) i just kinda left it to him rung him up 2hrs before the birth and said baby's coming 2nite for sure if u want to see come here and he did he watched and held my hand and even cut the cord!! i was gobsmacked! i'm sure when the time comes he wont want to miss it but if he does have a back up plan so u have support in there too x
2007-03-08 18:44:56 · answer #6 · answered by kj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww its really nice that he is worrying, i dont think there is anything you can do to stop his worry.
My partner is the same, i'm 32 weeks, it will be our first, i'm not too worried myself, but he was telling me his worry comes because he doesnt want me to be in pain and know there is nothing he can do to help stop it.
I think the unfamiliarity of the situation scares him too.
Congratulations and good luck !!!
2007-03-08 22:42:14 · answer #7 · answered by Stephanie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his problem is with the watching, just have him up by your head the whole time...if he is your birth partner he should be focused on your eyes anyway to give you encouragement...you don't want him to hit the floor and miss it all, so tell him not to watch...he needs to educate himself on every possibility of things that could happen or go wrong so that he is prepared for anything...
2007-03-08 18:38:59 · answer #8 · answered by Proud Mommy of 6 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its a doddle he sits up with you & the midwifes are down the business end. Its a fab experences & he shouldent miss it for the world. To hear the babys first sounds & to see their face makes everything worth while....
2007-03-08 18:49:44 · answer #9 · answered by endac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. LOL, sorry but this is a stressful and worrisome time. You never know what is going to happen between now and then.
Just make him understand that you'll be doing this together. And that he needs to be strong to support you when the going gets tough.
Good luck and congratulations!!
2007-03-08 18:37:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋