In a state of disbelief you are gone out of reach far beyond, No time will tell how long you will be my heart just sings how sorry is he, Mental darkness all around lost the love that was truely found, Hinding in a corner of a room that was round lost and alone bewildered and down, In that state of disbelief pray you dont go there deaths beneath.............................................................................................
2007-03-08 10:25:21 · 11 answers · asked by ALLEN P 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Stream of consciousness, not actually a poem in the sense that the feeling is expressed in a rather raw form. Your hurt and pain seem niave and immature. Keep practicing and you may find a voice that better organizes your stream of thought and places your feelings in a communal light, able to be shared by all. Good luck.
2007-03-08 10:32:33 · answer #1 · answered by voodooprankster 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yup sounds pretty good! just one thing
In a state of disbelief you are gone out of reach far beyond, No time will tell how long you will be
*new line** my heart just sings how sorry is he, Mental darkness all around lost the love that was truely found, Hinding in a corner of a room that was round lost and alone *new line though short**
bewildered and down, In that state of disbelief pray you dont go there deaths beneath
2007-03-08 10:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by wintermag52 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't really flow, and you might want to use the ENTER button a little more often. Try to twist your words around a little bit more, it'll make more sense. But what you have is a pretty good grasp of what you want to write about
2007-03-08 10:33:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deep.
2007-03-08 10:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jez 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry - i found it really hard to follow
2007-03-08 10:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is the saddest poem i ever read even though i didn't really get it...You depressed
2007-03-08 10:34:43 · answer #6 · answered by kenlsimmons 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it was pretty hard to follow i would give it a D+
2007-03-08 10:33:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think it has potential- there's a lot of emotion. but it has its cliche moments.
2007-03-08 10:31:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
grief
2007-03-08 10:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by wise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HUH......you lost me
2007-03-08 10:33:13 · answer #10 · answered by busygoddess 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋