Well my therapist said I have a low Emotional IQ. I said O.K. I agree. What do I do about it? My wife and I are separated. She says I'm incapable of intimacy due to not opening up. I'm totally confused. I've tried to open up to her and she refuses to talk to me. She says she pities me now. Women want someone to open up to them and yet men are percieved as weak when they let their guard down. I can't please anybody. I love my wife. We have been married 10+ years and have two children. She says I'm hopeless and won't change. I've been in counseling with her for a couple of months now and have been reading books on the side to try and meet her emotional needs. When she cries I feel totally empty and try to console her. She says "don't touch me". I love her but I don't think she loves me anymore. I don't understand women, I never have, I never will. Can anybody offer me some advice or encouragement?
2007-03-08 10:09:45 · 8 answers · asked by prouddaddy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Note: To all women that answer this question or have answered this question, I am not a woman hater. I love women and my wife. I just don't know all the right things to say like some guys seem to do. Thanks for answering.
2007-03-08 10:28:37 · update #1
The only advice I can give you is one word...."HEART"! When we men don't understand women, all we can give them, is our HEART. Love her like she was the only woman in existence. She'll respond to that better than anything I have ever found, as long as it's genuine, and sincere.
2007-03-08 10:15:13 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Biff, I think you need to ditch the therapist and the unloving wife and just live for yourself. Don't worry about those kids THEY WILL SPRING BACK. Your wife is just making excuses. She really is not giving you the love you deserve. I was in a bad marraige and tolerated it for 11 years!! Now that I'm out of it I feel so much better and my son survived. It wasn't easy when it first went down, but now that I have not looked back I have grew stronger and stronger every day and I aint puting up with no ones crap no more. If you make me feel bad now I 'll stop going around you. I'd rather be alone than put up with the world and their "excuses" oh... there's something wrong with you, oh, you need some prozac... whatever! There is nothing wrong with you- you are just a certain type of person that has just hooked up with the the wrong type of person for you.
2007-03-08 18:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by Tex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you just opened yourself up on yahoo answers. I think you need to tell her what you just told us. If you cant say what you really feel out loud then write it down on paper and let your wife read it. It sounds like you have learned to control your feelings to a point that nobody can tell what your really feeling...By the way that is not uncommon with men. Women tend to be much more in touch with their feelings and emotions..I have a feeling that you have always been this way..No offense to your wife but she should have known this about you. It sounds like she is trying to change you.
2007-03-08 18:18:03 · answer #3 · answered by Bad Mood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you "weren't" there so many times, that now even though you're trying in her mind it's just too late. The best thing you can do is let her know you really do love her, and want to do the right things...and then back off. Tell her you're giving her time and space, and when she's ready to talk, you're ready to listen. Then you wait until she comes to you, and cross your fingers that your "emptiness" hasn't screwed it all up already. You can still do nice things for her too. Try sending her some flowers, admitting you know you haven't been there when you should, but really, really want things to work out. It's never too late to make an attempt to turn things around. Good luck to you!
2007-03-08 18:18:01 · answer #4 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like the problem not you. Get a new therapist, it could be this one has sided with your wife. If your wife wants to save the marriage she wouldn't belittle your feelings when you try to meet her needs. There might be stuff going on with her that has nothing to do with you and she might just be taking it out on you. Sometimes love is not enough, don't let her ruin your self respect, do your best and then just focus on being a good dad.
2007-03-08 18:14:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know some people are just like that...I'm not an emotional person...Lately i have been trying...Walking up to my husband just to say I love you...Telling him whatever he is working on looks great and its working...I mean the things i say, but normally im just not like that, i keep it inside...So dont wait till she cries to be nice to her, do it at times unexpected and see if it works for you...
2007-03-10 04:48:33 · answer #6 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quit reading books and talking to therapests - get some spunk and be a man! sit down with her and give yourselves 90 days to work it out - if you can't make it bail! you will both be better off!
2007-03-08 18:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by roadrunner426440 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a woman to me.
2007-03-08 18:15:01 · answer #8 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋