OK, me and hubster have been going thru some SERIOUS hard times, like we are on the verge of divorce. Things have been said (horrible things) but after talking to a close friend today, I'm almost positive with him is where I should be. We are coming close to our anniversary and I'm thinking of giving our marriage a new start as a present is that DUMB? SELFISH? Help...he's done some things but I've been worse so is this selfish coming from the person who did more wrong?
2007-03-08 10:06:09 · 14 answers · asked by WOW U all make me feel normal! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Wipe the slate clean, and start over". The score is 0 to 0. Love him like he needs to be loved, and expect the same. This CAN work! Good Luck!!
2007-03-08 10:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do all you [morally] can to salvage your marraige, your vows were taken before God, no matter how he re-acts. Tell him you are sorry for your part in it, take the high road, and do not be affected by his lack of concern or his attitude. Don't let the good you do hinge on his reaction,, once i saw a book, the title was 'what's wrong with us is me'.
So buy him the gift, what he likes, not what you think he should have. Also, read the bible, see God's perpective on marraige. Don't expect any gifts in return just do it from your heart, can you cook him a nice meal? Give him space, give him time, stay away from clubs and things of that nature. Have a wholesome life, do things like take walks or even see a good movie but not something where he is behoved to talk to you. Some men find that stressful, all that talking, make time together almost like a date, not an inquisition.
2007-03-08 18:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure exactly how that is done, giving the marriage a fresh start. Plus, if you haven't made any changes to how you two see eachother or communicate or do things, you'll fall into the same old pattern and the fresh start might look silly. I'm not saying its a bad idea, in fact I seriously have considered a second marriage ceremony a few years after my wife had an affair and we patched things up. Maybe something symbolic instead, something to just say that I am here to stay. Good luck!
2007-03-08 18:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good idea. Someone is going to have to be the bigger person and say I'm sorry and I forgive you first in order for the healing to start. Have you ever thought about renewing your vows, even just to eachother if not in front of other people. You could write your own vows to recite to him and make him the promises of how you want to treat him and where you want to go together. Another thing to do is write a story about your life 5 or 10 years from now and where you see yourselves and give this to him. If you truly want this marriage, you need to swallow some pride and start making amends for the ways you've both hurt eachother. Good Luck
2007-03-08 18:15:42 · answer #4 · answered by ReneeD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's something creative that will be appreciated and you will have fun doing:
Make up a crossword puzzle and have all the hints be personal inside moments and jokes that only you two would know about. Put it on a poster board and add some clipart and some pictures to it!
The crossword puzzle could be time consuming and a bit frustrating ... you could do the same idea with a WORDSEARCH or WORDFIND puzzle.
Put your computer skills to work! Use Excel, get clipart from Yahoo Images Search, copy them, and reformat them, use a gluestick to put on posterboard.
Use graph paper, and pictures from magazines if you are not as good on the computer, and it will give it more of a homemade feeling.
I think if he sees all your captured precious moments in writing and in pictures before him, he'll see how much you really do still care about him!
2007-03-09 00:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by Reserved 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your at fault for running over the dog smashing up his prize 57 Chevy or your a little bitchy from time to time there's nothing that says I'm sorry and I love you like a weekend away and a g-string.
But if you got cough over tipping the Wall mart bag boy or examining the plumbers tools after hours, let the anniversary slide bye, give the guy a break and a fair divorce.
Good luck
2007-03-08 18:25:09 · answer #6 · answered by Chiprat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly I don't think that is a good anniversary gift. It is not something you can give. It takes cooperation. You need to communicate openly, CALMLY, and agree to not bring up baggage from your prior arguments.
I think a better gift would be to schedule a massage appointment at a spa for him. Let him have some pampering from someone other than you, yet it is still from you (as a gift).
Back at home you should draw a bath for yourself and ask him to help you bathe. Afterward, you can let him shower and wait for him in the bedroom. You can even get started without him.
2007-03-08 18:23:01 · answer #7 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you think that trying to save your marriage is dumb? You don't mention if you have kids. Why do you think it is selfish? It is not dumb nor selfish if the marriage is worth saving, but if you are just not compatible and you don't have kids then you need to decide if you want to live like that.
2007-03-08 18:21:08 · answer #8 · answered by ???///??? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope ... sounds great. Who better, and I think it will mean a lot to him. I say you steal him away to one of those romantic places that have those little wedding chapels and renew your vows. Since you've been horrible to each other, maybe it's time to re-make some old promises. Think of it as a reboot.
Good luck and go for it!!
2007-03-08 18:18:48 · answer #9 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what happened..I believe fighting to keep a marriage is very important..if your both willing to give a second chance then that is great...BUT you both will have to learn to trust each other or it wont work..Try a marriage counselor..It cant hurt.
2007-03-08 18:12:47 · answer #10 · answered by Bad Mood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋