My daughter n-law told me she wants to divorce my son who's a soldier currently serving overseas in Iraq now. Actually she wants a legal seperation. Why? No kids, don't own home yet. whew! why now over the internet & not tell him 3 mo ago before he left? or wait until fall when he gets home? He's clearly very upset by this. She claimed other soldiers including other members of her family she talked too thought she should tell him now before he gets home. I disagree Concerned he wont be focused on his duties which could affect all there safety & can't do anything about it until he's back home. Any good advice? gets 10pts.
2007-03-08 09:52:39 · 21 answers · asked by nancytg6 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! Your daughter-in-law must be some piece of work to want to bail on your son while he's risking his neck overseas. I sympathize with how he must feel, but if she has no more dignity, integrity, or honor than that, then he's better off without her. Clearly, he deserves someone better, more mature and not so selfish. What a *****!
2007-03-08 09:58:27 · answer #1 · answered by rtanys 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Clearly there was a problem before, in their realationship. It always is. Age could be a factor young and silly not understanding the full impact of marriage and or pure selfishness too on either ones part. You have to stop looking at it as the mother and see it as a woman too. She could be cheating on him or should could be tierd and this is the best way she could get over it. Whatever the case she is ready to move on and I think its great that they dont have any kids or real debt. Therefore goodbye to her, who needs someone like that anyway depending on the sitiuation, besides you dont know the full story about your son and how is behind closed doors with a woman/wife. Not everyone can stomach our little boys..... Im a mother of a 22 year old son, I know how I can be. Stay out of it and dont bad mouth her to him keep is moral up. God bless
2007-03-08 10:08:04 · answer #2 · answered by tressroy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, that wasn't very smart to tell him, but don't you think he would begin to sense it. It seems very unfair to hit him with this when he's on the wrong side of the world (been there, done that). Fortunately, your daughter-in-law can't do anything legally until he gets back anyway - your son is protected by Uncle Sam right now.
What she has done has distracted him, I can tell you from experience. When something happens at home, you can't help but worry. You can't completely take that away from him, but send him reminders of home in care packages. Have family, friends and churches do the same. Show him that she may have wigged out, but the rest of you love him, are proud of him, and can't wait to get him home so you can give him a big hug.
Good luck and God Bless!!
SK1
USN
2007-03-08 10:05:29 · answer #3 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough situation! On one hand she should of really of waited to tell him when he got home. On the other, maybe she couldn't wait any longer.
Is there someone else? How long have they been married? Are you trying to change her mind?
If there is someone else, it might be better for her to tell him now before she cheats on him and then breaks down because she's feeling guilty then tells him while he's still overseas. That could be worse on him.
My opinion is if she's doing it over the internet. She's extremly tacky and good ridence..
I hope that helped some! Good luck!
2007-03-08 10:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Ashley 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand your feelings on this..i have a son myself and i want to protect him from harm all the time..but the truth is is that you cant. he is an adult now and you cant protect him from his feelings. Don't worry..he will be fine. If his wife has made up her mind about a divorce, then that's what she is going to do. No matter how much you want her not to. I am sure she has her reasons (good or bad). But our kids are more durable then you think.. Just be there for him. Don't try and control a situation that is out of your control. I wish you and your son the best of luck
Sbird
2007-03-08 10:01:11 · answer #5 · answered by Bad Mood 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know all of the circumstances surrounding your son and daughter in law but I am going through a similar situation at the moment. First and foremost stay out of it and let them figure it out themselves. I told my husband I wanted a divorce before he left for Iraq. He then volunteered himself to go for a year so that he wouldn't have to deal with the situation. I don't think she should wait to tell her what she wants it that's how she feels. I'm sorry but I don't go for the whole poor soldier act. Don't get me wrong I am very supportive of our troops and that they come hoome soon but they poor soldier card shouldn't be pulled. He should be able to deal with his duties no matter what his home life is like!! That's part of his job!
2007-03-08 11:34:52 · answer #6 · answered by got ink? 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I say, it's better that she just told him now. Why have him all excited about coming home to a wife that's not that excited to see him. Actually, it will hurt, but that doesn't mean he won't focus on his duties. The military will see that he does. Anyway, There's a lot of women who've found themselves in this situation, and they just can't "hack" military life, or the idea that they have to do this again and again (possibly). Some can "hack" it. He needs someone that's not going to waiver on him at times like this, so I say, better now, than ten years from now when they have three kids who would be affected by it. Who needs her? Good luck to your son.
2007-03-08 10:13:00 · answer #7 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is such a chicken s*it way to tell someone you want a divorce/legal separation, when they are half way across the globe!
You are correct, it could make it hard for him to focus on his duties. She should wait until he comes home. It isn't like she's living with him right now, he's overseas!
Maybe she's too afraid to face him in person and tell him. Ask her... if she ever cared for your son at all, please wait until he's comes home, for safety sake if nothing else.
Good luck, my prayers are with your son, and all the men and women soldiers serving in our US Armed Forces!
2007-03-08 10:01:27 · answer #8 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Long distance and long time separation in a marriage are difficult to handle. Contact the military chaplains to get help for your son, let them know what's going on. If you can e-mail your son's commanding officer, do that too.
It's fairly apparent that she has found another man. Also, you should probably not be the one discussing the matter with the DIL. Seek a third party such as a clergyman or a local military chaplain to intervene with her.
2007-03-08 10:03:52 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Best thing is for you to stay out of it and let your son deal with it as an adult on his own. Yes, he needs a support system, but better from people who can try and stay a little more neutral (not completely neutral though).
It's not a good idea for a mother to get too involved in a child's marriage and marriage problems.
2007-03-08 10:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by carinyosa99 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋