I need your opinion.?

Question

My husbands family caused alot troubles in my life and marriage, thats why i cut all the communications between me and them.but my husband talks to them behind my back even though he knows they are visious people ,but the problem he is very attached to his mother and he is not willing to set any boundries with them.My question is .Is it a good idea to sell our house and make him quit his unionized (high paying) job and move a way from them to a diffrent state? is this will solve the problems? and make me live happier life without them close to him and poisoning my life ? Or i am just gambling with our future and things will get worst? and I will regret it later ,he told me he is willing to move if that make me happy. please help me.

Answer 1

First your husband needs to decide if he is his mommy's little boy or your husband. He needs to put you first and set those boundaries you are talking about with his family. If he does not do all that he is not being a man and therefore is actually the root of the problem.

Good luck!

Answer 2

The old saying is you don't just marry the person you marry the family. What's going on between you and his family? ... bad holiday outing? Your husband is in a very awkward position. He obviously loves you, but he loves his mother/family. I can't help but wonder if this can't be worked through. I think you need to drag mom-in-law on Dr. Phil!!

On the other hand, you are his wife, and Biblically speaking, the husband is supposed to separate from the mom and bond with the wife. You definitely need to be number one in his life, but do you really need to uproot and take a chance at upsetting your financial situation over what's going on? Surely this can be settled without all this. Perhaps if his family knew that this tiff was so upsetting that you two were considering moving they might be willing to back off and stop spewing so much poison. It sounds like everyone's acting like children - it's time everyone grew up and learned to behave together. ... family counseling maybe???

Answer 3

Before packing up and leaving, you should discuss this with your spouse. If he knows how they are and how they make you feel and yet is talking to them behind your back, it's disrespectful to you. On the other hand, it's his family, but I agree, he needs to draw the line with his mother. It's HIS marriage and HIS life and not theirs. Let him know what you've been thinking and ask for his opinion.Try not to be confrontational about it, just simply state your feelings and facts. Now, if nothing positive comes out of it and things either get worse or stay the same, it's time for a new plan. Either with or without your spouse. He can always find a good paying job somewhere possibly. Good luck!!

Answer 4

First of of all you can't control your husband if he wants to talk to his family , that's none of your business . Its is choice and not yours . Again the only thing that you may want to discuss Is about his Mom if she does intervene in your relationship otherwise its a "no ". Now you want to talk to him about quitting his high paying job and move away to a different state . I am not sure you can run away from them , they are is family . You won't solve the problem , you have to solve your issue with them yourself .Its all about you , is all I can see in your questions . Your are controlling him as to what he should do and what you want . You have answered your question because you are gambling the future in your manipulative ways instead dealing with your issues with his families . I would really talk his over honey before things get out of hand and especially sooner or later he will slap it your face .As wellyour husband should start wearing his pants once in awhile

Answer 5

I don't think that is necessary because i had the same problem after begin with someone we moved from Florida to Georgia but that didn't work they still called and kept up drama long distance we changed the number and that didn't help they made surprise visits and etc. Family is family good or bad, no matter how much pain they cause you there always there especially with boys they love there moms and its had for them a leave family my husband has the same problem he agrees to it but still talks to them. Where i have stopped talking to them it doesnt matter your location family will always find you and do the same things over and over

Answer 6

I think you deserve to start your life over somewhere else without either family in the state.It will probably change your life in more ways than you know. Do not discuss the part again about moving away from family ,just look and plan it as a new start for just the two of you. You need to think of it that way so the bitterness will not follow you. Good luck.

Answer 7

That might have to be the answer because if he really loves you, he will do what ever it takes to make the marriage work. In relationships, people need to make sacrifices and if he really loves you, he would love his family FROM A DISTANT. (cuz you said his family is vicious...and they talk about you behind your back!!) Your husband shouldnt even associate with them.
Talk to your husband about how you feel and most importantly--
Pray to God to give you wise counsel and direction for this matter.

Answer 8

I don't think its fair of you to force him to cut all ties from his family, especially if he is close with his mother. I mean, its his MOTHER, for God's sake. And packing up and moving away and forbidding your husband to have any contact with them is ultimately going to blow up in your face.

If his family is the source of all your marital stress, then I would ask him to do therapy with you and learn how to set boundaries with his family and uphold those boundaries. Perhaps it is mostly his fault for not putting his foot down when it comes to how intrusive his family has become on your family.

I seriously doubt that packing up and moving out of state is going to solve anything. If anything, I think it will make things worse. I would definitely get some marriage counseling.

Good luck!

Answer 9

It doesn't matter what you do or go it will always be the same because of one reason. Your husband is a Mom's boy and will never leave her side or go against her. YOu should do everything to make him realize he married you not her or his family. Because if he keeps seeing it their way you won't be thre for long. But make sure to talk with him every chnace you get to try to explain to him how you feel and how they make you feel. But if he doesn't ever change his mind kick him to teh curb and divorce him and take him to t eh cleaners. Need to chat with a grown up just IM me anytime

Answer 10

What i am wondering is what did his family do to get you so upset at them that you want your husband to stop talking to his Mother..and move away??? Is it something that you cannot forgive over time. Can something else be done besides cutting all ties with them?? Whats REALY going on??