I'm married, is it ok to have a female friend?

Question

My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years, I have a female friend whom I have known since I was 5, we basically grew up together. My wife doesn't want me to be friends with her. I don't really understand why. She checks my e-mails..etc.. It hurts my feelings because after almost 3 years of marriage she still has no trust. And I have never cheated or given her any reason to think that. What should I do?

All you women: Is your answer still the same?

Some women can be such hypocrites!

Private...i gave you a thumbs up.

Answer 1

Yep, go back and read my answer, it is the same. you have to chose between to two, your marriage comes first. Unless she is gay. Please go back and read my other answer, OK?


Go look at all the thumbs down I got for suggesting that one should be loyal to their spouse, my God, who did they take vows with, their kindergarten buddy or their spouse?

Answer 2

It depends.

If your wife has any good reason to be suspicious, then she is right. Are you SURE you have not given her a reason? How much time do you spend with your friend? What do the two of you do together? How close are you? Do you flirt? Have you cheated with anyone else? What kind of sexual history and dating history do you have? Do you exclude your wife from your fun? Why are the two of them not friends? How does your friend feel about your wife? Is she nice to her? Do they know each other from before you two got together? Did your wife have bad relationships before she met you? How come none of this came up BEFORE you were married?

Sorry to ask all this. You are pretty clear that you didn't do anything wrong, but sometimes people SAY it and don't mean it, or they are thinking of the whole thing very one-sided. If there is anything going on at all, then your wife has good reason to want the friendship over, friends forever or not.

Ok. Now I am going to assume you're a great guy and your friend is wonderful and has put in some effort to be friendly with your wife. Maybe your wife has insecurity problems. Maybe she is jealous. Maybe she just doesn't like your friend for some reason. Maybe she is lonely or feels abandoned. Maybe she had bad relationships before you where someone DID cheat on her. Maybe you are having OTHER marriage problems that are not clear here. Likely there is more to this than you even realize. What you need to do is sit down with her and have a nice, serious talk about it. Tell her how YOU feel about the whole thing. Then let her vent. LISTEN to her without interrupting. Try not to be judgemental, and try not to argue with her. Try to understand her point of view. You may be surprised at what she says. Maybe the two of you can come up with a fair compromise or understanding.

If she cannot understand how you feel after this, then recommend going to marriage counseling to discuss it. If she cannot listen to reason, then you need some help. A professional counselor will be able to help you two identify your REAL problems, and to come up with creative and constructive strategies for dealing with the problem. You may even be able to save your marriage AND your friendship. If your wife refuses to go, then go yourself. It will be an eye-opener.

Good luck!

p.s. I almost forgot to say this: if possible, get your wife involved with your friendships! A wife (or husband) is much less likely to be suspicious when she is there having fun, too. The two of them should be friends. That would solve a lot of problems right there.

Answer 3

It's okay to stay friends, but most women look at it as a threat. Sometimes, it's the insecurities in a person that causes problems when a spouse has a friend that he/she wants to stay in touch with. Since your wife is going through your e-mails, etc. it is quite clear she doesn't trust you. A relationship is built on trust & until your wife truly trusts you, your relationship is in trouble. Have you tryed to get the two females together, to get to know each other? Maybe you could ask your wife how she'd feel if you invited your friend over to visit. Maybe dessert & coffee could be served. Does your friend have a spouse or significant other that could come along too? That may be just the ice breaker needed to prove to your wife that there is nothing but friendship between the two of you. Been there, done that, so I know exactly what your wife is going through.

Answer 4

From someone who's been thru something similar, I don't think it would be fair to you, to have to give up your friends in order for her to trust you, just like she wouldn't want to change her friends in order to be with you. Trust is very important in any relationship.
So my advice is sit her down and talk to her....let her know how her lack of trust is hurting you and in the long run will hurt the marriage. Then try and have a situation where if it's not uncomfortable bring them both together, show her that she has absolutely nothing to worry about. Go out for drinks or dinner or something where you guys can sit talk and relax. Either way it's a rocky situation, and if it doesn't get fixed now it will be a different friend next time, and a different one after that. Good luck man

Answer 5

As long as a man has a wife, he can not have a woman friend, a girlfriend, a grandmother friend, or any other type of friend that happens to be female. Women want their "men" friends, but will never be rational or reasonable enough to see anything other than a sexual affair on your part. You have to have secret women friends which means no to computer trails or a password protected secret account in the computer. I would tell the wife flat out that this is my lifelong friend so you deal with it or head for the curb. Irrational jealousy should not play a part in any persons life; male or female.

Answer 6

Absolutely not. There is not room in the relationship for a 2nd female. When you marry your wife, she's is the only woman in your life. I broke up with a man a couple of months ago who simply would not stop talking on the phone or hanging out with exes. I can totally understand where your wife is coming from. It hurts her when you talk to this woman away from her. It's considered emotional infidelity. Your wife should be your best friend, NOT this other woman.

Answer 7

It all depends. Two important questions--

One--Is your past record clean as in no cheating, no ambiguity of other female "friends"?

Two- Has your friend ever met your wife, does she ever ask how your wifes doing, show interest in getting to know her, even a little--(she is after all, your wife--one of the most important people to you on earth)- take an active interest (at LEAST verbally) in your wife as a person or is more of a feeling that she has to "deal" with the fact that you are now married to this other person? Trust me, these things make a big difference

Answer 8

First, I don't think it's that she doesn't trust you (per se). You have a history with this girl and I think that threatens her and may even make her a little jealous.

Second, as for your question about having a friend of the opposite sex. Yes, you should be able to. That's the simple answer. However, the problem here is that people have a bad habit of reading into things. It only takes one person to think they saw you being "too friendly" or "on a date" with this woman and suddenly your wife doesn't trust you and this girl based on wrong information.

My suggestion - continue to be honest with your wife and try to include your wife in your plans with this girl.

Answer 9

It doesn't matter how many years you have been friends. Guys are really dumb. I mean, guys and girls CAN'T be just friends. The reason I say guys are dumb is because you can't see when a girl likes you. Since you are married, you obviously don't have feelings for your friend but I KNOW she does. It always works that way. Somebody always gets hurt and it shouldn't be your wife. God, have more respect for her. You wouldn't want your wife to be hanging out with a guy. Look- the bottom line is WE TRUST YOU, we just don't trust the girl.

Answer 10

of course it's okay to have a female friend. it's sad that your wife doesn't trust you enough to hang out with someone you've known all your life. you should sit down and have a long talk with her about this. she's your one and only, but you still need friends, you know? maybe include your wife for a few lunches so she can see that there is no threat, and also so she can actually get to know this other girl. good luck!

Answer 11

Mostly all cases of having an opposite sex best friend, one of the friends has feelings for the other. My best friend who had a wife and 2 kids recently told me he's in love with me. I had to cut off all contact with him. I didn't have the same feelings, the whole time i thought we were friends. But he was thinking something different.



What the?!? This is a fake question.. read Private P's answers.. someone before posted the SAME EXACT QUESTION..