I'm married, is it ok to have a guy friend?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years, I have a guy friend whom I have known since I was 5, we basically grew up together. My husband doesn't want me to be friends with him. I don't really understand why. He checks my e-mails..etc.. It hurts my feelings because after almost 3 years of marriage he still has no trust. And I have never cheated or given him any reason to think that. What should I do?

I even offered for all of us to hang out so they could get to know each other, and my husband said no.

Answer 1

They need to get to know each other.

Answer 2

Do you cherish your friendship more than your marriage? Ask yourself that question and you will find your answer. Maybe the person who your husband doesn't trust is that guy friend of yours rather than you, the point is it doesn't matter who trusts who, no relationship or man is perfect so don't think that him not trusting you is a big deal. Looking at it superficially that's just life. Besides your guy friend needs to understand that you are married now and he should atleast be curtious enough to back off a little. I'm pretty sure that he knows that he's making your husband jealous and he might be enjoying that. Whatever the reason, you must understand that when you get married/in a relationship there are some things you need to sacrifice including reducing the number of friends, you will find that overtime you will have decreased the amount of your friends it is impossible to do the same things you did when you were single. You have to think about what's best for your husband and you. Would you feel comfortable knowing that your husband had a female friend? I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't somewhere in your mind you would feel some distrust even if you have had no reason to doubt him, you never know when something could happen. keeping your friends away, you are very well decreasing the chances of something ever happening

Answer 3

I have a dear female friend I've know since we were both five. But I made it a point to keep her at a distance so nobody I was with would ever get the wrong idea. I also have had a lot of platonic girlfriends (by that I don't mean when a guy wants to sleep with a girl and the guy is a gracious loser after being turned down). It all depends on the jealousy level of the man (or woman). Some people cannot accept the fact that some of us (especially those men who have a lot of sisters, or women with a lot of brothers) are in tune with someone of the opposite sex without having to take it one step further. But in any case, due to your husband's insecurities, you will eventually have to choose. This means either what you want, or what your husband wants. They both can't win.

Answer 4

It could be the vibe your guy friend gives off, too?

Sometimes long-term friends of the opposite sex are a bit too familiar, even though you and he don't think it, you might give your husband the impression.

There could be a history in your husband's past to where a former girlfriend/fiancee cheated on him with a friend and he has a deep-seated fear, even though it wasn't you.

Then there's this:

My wife has a close friend whom she once dated years ago. I don't always feel that comfortable if he just sees her, but there is a reason. It isn't a lack of trust... I trust my wife, but I'm a lot older and it is a generational thing. I'm from the school that if you get married you do things as couples, and that includes seeing old single friends. I don't meet my single female friends for drinks or lunch or coffee (actually I don't have many left anymore) unless she's around. I didn't do it while we were engaged, either. I know, I'm old fashioned, and I'm sure the group dynamic has changed, but that's how I think.

Honestly, don't see your friend unless your husband is there and gets comfortable with your friend. Sooner or later your husband should see that there is nothing to worry about. Or, observe my antiquated rules of decorum, and be sure that either of you only see single friends of the opposite sex with your spouse there.

Answer 5

Of course it is okay. This isn't a prior BF is he? Then no problems at all. I'm actually kinda creeped out that he checks your e-mails.... without trust marriages will not survive. Have you talked to him, and forced the issue? This needs resolution.

But when it comes down to it, what is best for the marriage? If your husband is completely unwilling to budge on this matter are you going to sacrifice a good marriage for an old friend? or visa verse?

Answer 6

Marriage is not just marriage .... the main requirement is understanding. comming to a company for a year even unknown can be so understanding and caring and so should be relation between you and your husband.

friendship is really very vast. marriage can never be a barrier to it.

your husband is not positive on it ... it doesnot mean he doesnot understand you rather it means you need to get more closer and take time in knowing each others feeling.

like you have a reason for your friendship, he must have some feeling to your friendship. you need to make him clear what he has misunderstood about that.

rather what is say is... your husband loves you very much so he doesnot like you to be so close to anyone else apart for him. might be your husband thinks he is not good enough to a sensitive and beauti like you .... or may be .......
my suggestion is that the main way to your solution is try to understand him first and later make him understand you

have a close marritial realtion with your husband

Answer 7

Yes it's ok to have a guy friend, but your husband and this friend need to trust each other so they have to get to know each other.

If your husband doesn't trust you after 3 years I'd say you've given him reason to distrust him or he's an idiot that you really don't want to spend the rest of your life with! Marriage without trust is a wearing destructive force that will turn you into a depressed self-doubting person. Marriage requires gut level trust beyond any doubts!

Answer 8

Yes, it is OK to have a guy friend. Your husband is feeling insecure. Honestly that isn't your problem. However, he is your husband so you have some choices to make. Do you drop your friendship and keep your husband happy (hint - this won't satisfy him, he will still be unhappy) or do you maintain a good friendship and let your marriage go the way it goes?

Good luck!

Answer 9

Your husband doesn't believe that a man can be your friend. Why? Because men look at attractive women and have sexual thoughts about them and your husband doesn't believe that your friend wouldn't sleep with you if given the chance. That is why it is unwise for men to have close women friends and vice versa. Temptation is there. When married, close friendships should be with the same sex.

Who would you rather have in your life for the rest of your life? I think if you spoke with your friend, he would understand exactly where your husband is coming from as he is male.

Answer 10

Well I would say back off from the guy friend but that isn't fair to him or you. Has your husband met this friend? It might would help if they knew each other and got along. Maybe your friend needs to reassure your husband that he doesn't "see" you like he does. Men are strange and posessive creatures, sorry to say. Your man needs to lighten up and not feel threatened by your friend but that may never happen....If it doesn't then you should say bye to your buddy for the sake of your marriage. You have to think to, how would you feel if hubby had a female friend that he shared personal things with? I don;t know, that might would bother even the healthiest of marriages..Good luck!!

Answer 11

Honestly, if your hubby doesn't trust in you, you've probably made a little mistake there. If he has a problem with you having a good friend, then you need to prove to him that you can trust each other. Maybe even go on a fun party all of you together. Then he might have a better chance at getting to know what the guy is like.

Good luck :]
~Kit