My husband and I have been separated for about 6 months. The whole time he has been telling me that he is not with anyone else and leading me on. I moved to another state and he came here to visit (he is still here). We slept together on Friday, well yesterday he tells me he's seeing someone for about 3 weeks. I took his phone and come to find out he has been with this person for six months and she is from work (I have met her before). He just lies to me over and over again. What hurts me the most is that he tells me he loves her. Realize I just found this out in one day and the only reason I did was because I looked thru his phone and called her. How can I take him out of my heart. I am a professional women and was doing great before he came here. I think he broke something inside of me. How did he forget a five year relationship in one month. Please help your advice is needed.
Thank you
Now I think I'm pregnant and he wants nothing to do with it. What should I do?
2007-03-08 08:09:23 · 17 answers · asked by marla g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What hurts the most is that he is trating me like crap and her like a queen. I hate him, I just got a big promotion and I already have a kid with him that I take care for on my own. He lives on another state, so I hate him for being happy and just leaving me here stuck with all my problems. But you are right, talking to him just hurts me. I've been having the symptoms like cramps and a lot of discharge. I hope he didn't give me anything.
2007-03-08 08:21:08 · update #1
I agree with those that suggest that we teach people how to treat us. A person who gets away with those little white lies will eventually tell us great dark lies and expect to get away with it. It sounds like your husband is not mature and doesn't want to commit to any relationship as he is cheating on the other woman with you. The most important thing right now is the baby you will be having unless you abort the pregnancy. He will at least have to pay child support regardless of his lack of interest in his child. I don't know what you should do, but I do know that your situation is not unique and that many others have survived with their hearts and minds intact. Good luck and condolences for your loss of a committed honest relationship.
2007-03-08 08:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by voodooprankster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you married a man that didn't have the capacity to be honest or honorable. It does happen more so today. He may have been guilty of doing this before even during your marriage. The best thing you can do is to discontinue seeing him(never sleep with him again!), confirm your pregnancy, and follow through with the divorce. If a child is coming into the picture make sure he is held accountable for that too. Use better judgment from now on and don't give out any intimate favors to other men until they show their true intentions for a relationship. If you wear your heart on your sleeve, expect someone to be able to hurt you easily. Get out and socialize with friends and family and let this bad episode in your life begin to heal. You will eventually begin to trust again, just guard your heart closely. Good Luck - it will get better day after day.
2007-03-08 08:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He threw away 5 years because of lust. He acts on his emotions and that is why he is immature. Why did he continue to lie to you after separating? I think you know the answer to that but it really doesn't matter at this point. What matters is, now that you know, how long are YOU going to let him continue to mistreat you and lie to you? Thankfully you have moved to another state and have a good job and home. Stay there, go through the feelings of grief and anger and it will pass. The best way to get over him is to have NO CONTACT. That includes not contacting him, either. For any reason. We kid ourselves when we say, well, I want my shoes back, etc. . We look for excuses to stay in touch. Close the door. Firmly. He won't change, baby or not.
And, since you don't know about being pregnant, don't worry about it at this point. You may be worrying for nothing. I'm at a loss as to why you would share this "may be pregnancy" deal with him? Trying to manipulate him back into your life full-time? Want to see if he will hurt the other woman? What were your motives when you announced this to him? Look at what's inside of you and be honest. Don't live by your emotions. Do what is right and especially treat yourself right.
Good luck.
2007-03-08 08:28:15 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you wont get over it in a month trust me!!! I was still in the almost exact same position. Thanksfully I am not pregnant. You are just going to have to get right back up and start all over again. Lose contact with him. Dont take any of his calls even after a month of no contact he decides to call you just because. Had I listened to my friends and family I would have already been over him. Just dont get suckered back in. You deserve better!! You will find better!! It is really hard for men to handle independent professional women. Trust me there. Mine left me for a married housewife with 4 kids. And they have nothing. He calls me when he needs money and for food and everything like that. What goes around comes aroud babe. Just be strong!! If you are pregnant now more than ever you need to be calm and try to keep it together. You may have a beautiful lil person growing inside you who is going to need a strong mother. I have been a single mom for 12 years. No help from no one!!! You can do it !! Keep your chin up!! Just remember you are worth it and you deserve the best! Dont settle for less!!!! Just my 2 cents ... hope it helps!
2007-03-08 08:24:45 · answer #4 · answered by cheeks4u21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's put a couple of sentences of yours together...
"The whole time he has been telling me that he is not with anyone else." and "We slept together on Friday."
Do you still wonder why he lied to you for so long?
As far as your pregnancy is concerned, I truly wish you all the best with the decisions you have to make regarding your pregnancy. Unfortunately, there is no way you can force him to be an active father in the baby's life (I am assuming that you are deciding to go through with the pregancy). However, make sure you put him on the hook for every dime of child support you can get out of him. He wanted to dance; now he's got to pay the band.
2007-03-08 08:21:06 · answer #5 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...the good part is you are already separated, and the divorce will follow. He's a jerk, but you know that already. You now need to move forward. There is no way to pass the pain or the anger, time must do that, and therapy can aid tremendously in that. As to him not wanting anything to do with what maybe his child...well, he really doesn't have a choice. BY LAW, he is required to support that child. Move forward with the divorce. Let karma come back to him, and it will, I promise. For now...as said in a poem I once read, " plant your own garden and nourish your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers"
Be strong, and stand up.
Good luck.
2007-03-08 08:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Understand one thing, he has lied to you a number of times, he used you by sleeping with you while he was with someone else, and you ask how you can take him out of your heart? That guy sounds to not be worth your heartache and tears. I know the pain you are feeling now is fresh and can be overwhelming. But I know deep down you know you are better off without him. Appears he has come to have taken your love for granted and for you loving him he has learned to disrespect your feelings. You say he treats her like a queen? I don't think a guy that sleeps with his ex (you) is treating his girlfriend like a queen (her). Don't worry, she is right now blind to how he is a jerk, but sooner or later she will learn of his cheating ways. Get a divorce and try to get alimony and child support from him. Then take every day as a step further away from his hold on you. Best of luck to you!
2007-03-08 08:33:08 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to ask those questions to yourself, you will go insane. I used to question why my ex cheated on me. The reason is because he wanted to. I'm telling you the same thing. Your man did what he did to you because he wanted to. The easiest way to get over him is to remember what a jerk he was for lying. You need to focus on your career and what you want most in your life. If you are pregnant, do what you think is best. Please don't keep the baby in hopes of keeping him. No child deserves a father like that. The longer you stay away from him and not talk to him, the easier it will get. Thank you and may GOD bless.
2007-03-08 08:17:10 · answer #8 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust me, i know how you feel. and it took me a long time to say this but i am better off without him. and my son is better off without a father like him. just don't ever talk to him again. i know it is hard, but it works. i haven't seen him since the day before i had my baby, he is 15 weeks old now, and i never really moved on until i wasn't seeing him every day. and don't ever take him back. because he will come back. because he thinks he will always have some kind of hold on you, especially if you are pregnant. don't let him use that as an excuse. he wants to see the baby, go to court and figure out custody. otherwise he will do this to you over and over and it will never end.
2007-03-08 08:15:46 · answer #9 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope your not pregnant. In my opinion this has to be your own choice. I had a child at the end of a bad relationship and I call him my angelboy, he is the light of my life but boy has it been hard. (your choice) no one elses!!
He doesn't deserve you, you know it's true. Kick him to the curb with one swift motion. He is a complete jerk, the kind I secretly get the compelling urge to just slap the sh*t out of.
2007-03-08 08:23:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋