I have been married to my wife for almost 3 years now. We've been together for over 5 years. We have a beautiful baby girl together. Ever since she's been born, we have lost touch with intamacy. We have had sex 1x in the last 6 months. I try not to push anything on her, but i'm starting to feel rejected and unattractive. I try doing other things like cuddling or giving her a hug and she doesn't seem to react or care. I have talked to her about sex before and she says there is something wrong with her but she doesn't know what it is. I am a good husband though. I cook, clean and do my fair shair of helping out around the house. I love here to death though and I just want her to be happy. I just want to know if anyone else is in the same situation and what advice they can offer. Thanks!
2007-03-08 07:37:18 · 34 answers · asked by Scotty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, I can't believe how fast everyone replied. Amazing.
We are both 24 years old. Our baby is almost 2. I realize marriage is not just about sex. I wouldn't mind holding hands or cuddling...anything for that matter. She just doesn't do any of that anymore. I'm the one that has to try though and I hate that. I just want her to know I exist.
2007-03-08 08:16:55 · update #1
She needs to talk to her OB/Gyn. She could be post pardum. She could be exhausted. How old is the baby and does she sleep through the night?
When we had one, he slept through the night in 10 weeks. Life was good. When we had the second, wife was working full-time, getting her master's and the baby didn't sleep through the night for 13 months. Life was BAAAAAAD!!!! And kissing and hugging time for me was out of the question. She asked the doctor why her drive was so far down. Doctor said, "Duh. You're exhausted."
We took the kids to grandma's house. I made reservations at a nice restaurant. I booked us a room at a nice hotel. We had dinner, talked, held hands, went to the room about 6:30pm and was asleep by 6:45. She slept until the next morning. It doesn't sound romantic but, that night helped my marriage a lot.
2007-03-08 07:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by penhead72 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Um...is this my husband? Oh wait, no, it's been more like 4 times in 6 months, so can't be him. It might be that she feels unattractive. No matter how much you tell her she's beautiful she may still feel like she's not the same as she was before. Or she doesn't see herself as a sexual being anymore. After my daughter was born it took a while to get back into the swing of things. But, honestly, neither of us wants to do it much anymore, and we're the same as you - been together over 5, married just about 3. I also have a guy friend in a similar situation and the only other advice I could offer him was remind your wife how attractive you are, too. Tell her about someone hitting on you, how you would never act on it, but it was obvious this hot girl wanted you. It will make your wife look at you from a different perspective which may help her restore some sexual feelings.
2007-03-08 07:59:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a couple marries only for sex they have a problem. There is much more to marriage than sex. There is also more to intimacy than "doing it." There is holding each other - even just holding hands.
Let her know how you feel but DON'T BE PUSHY! That will only make things worse. She may feel that she has to "perform" and that's not good for your relationship.
Be patient - babies, and children, take A LOT out a mom! I KNOW!!!
I heard a (half-way) joke. If a couple puts a bean in a jar every time they have sex the first year of marriage and take one out every time the rest of the years, they will never empty the jar.
2007-03-08 07:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears your wife may be going through what is known as post partum depression usually after child birth she should speak to her Dr. as soon as possible. I would also come to the realization that you are no longer priority #1 that is the baby now talk to her about seeking some counselling because you are worried about the marriage and the future of the baby. Sometimes the whole onset of becoming a parent is hard she may also not be interested in sex due to the possibility of getting pregnant again.
2007-03-08 09:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm there me and my hubby been together for about 4 years and married for 2. We also have two childern, so coming from a girl- Women don't need sex like men we can go a long time without it. Is the baby around when you are tring to get some? Because I hate doing it thinking I'm going to wake the baby. I still give it to my hubby knowing it is a big deal to him, but honesy I really don't need it- and it's not him but after you have a baby you loose insterst - not in the man but in kissy face--- For example do you ever see your grandparnets kissy kissy? Sorry for the bad news.You and your wife needs to get out at least once a month with out your baby, Find someone to watch your baby all night and go to a hotel or something and relax.
2007-03-08 07:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by Rose K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Without talking to her find a sitter (trusted) and drop the baby off. Tell her "we're going out" then take her somewhere she likes to go. Say it like it's non negotiable. Go to the movies, a nice dinner, and then go home and take a bath together.
Sometimes women get into wife and mom mode and its hard to see past that or remember how to reconnect. Get her away from the house and the baby and let her remember what it was like before all this started, when it was just you, her, and no worries.
That always helps me.
2007-03-08 07:44:36 · answer #6 · answered by Kristine R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my husband and am completely attracted to him. I don't care if we have sex or not, I don;t know why its not like its not good or anything I just don't care either way. He likes me to initiate it but I would like him to if he wants sex I would be more than willing. Maybe you should try and initiate sex more. Tell her how attracted to her you are and that she drives you crazy the way she looks things like that. Try to go on a date alone. I have had sex maybe 4 times in the last 6 months. I am also pregnant though.
2007-03-08 07:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by neicee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your story is not unique, and she is in the motherhood state of caring for the child you have both produced though your love for each other. I suspect your wife ,and you may need to speak privately about your first physical attractions describing in detail of how much each of you were turned on to each other, her thinking might take the hint and soon you will be sharing those romantic thoughts together again.
2007-03-08 07:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes women go through post-partum stuff, and the baby can be exhausting. I like the idea of you getting a baby sitter on the weekend and taking her out, get a nice room somewhere, have dinner, reestablish your connections, just the 2 of you. If she enjoys this and it helps, plan a get away every so often!
2007-03-08 07:50:03 · answer #9 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife may be suffering from post partum depression, depression that comes on after having a baby. She needs to talk to her doctor soon, there are medications that could help her. I am 52 years old, been married 53 years, and we have sex once a week, my daughter thinks we are disgusting, old people having sex!
2007-03-08 07:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋