Her grandfather is a chld molester.....?

Question

My step daughter is 10. Her mother, L, was molested by step/adopted father when she was 12, as was her friend. This woman is now in contact with her adopted father again, has taken his last name back, and allows my step daughter to spend time with him. My husband has questioned her about this several times, and her response is, "He would never do that to her, he knows he could never see her again." Now, this grandfather and his ex-wife (the grandmother of my step daughter) want to take her to Hawaii in June. My husband said he won't allow it, but his ex said she has the final say and she thinks it's okay. Then, on the phone last night, she told her daughter to tell my hubby "your grandpa has never touched you wrong and he never will." First of all, what kind of mother would allow her child to spend time alone with the person that molested her when SHE was young, and why doesn't she see anything wrong with this? Any legal options? Mother has custody, hubby has visitation.

Should my husband tell his daughter about what the grandfather did, so she can protect herself? The mother uses the children as weapons agains my husband all the time and now told the daughter "your dad just does't want you to go to Hawaii" so the daughter is mad at him now.

Does anyone know, if once a child molester always a child molester?

Please understand, this is my STEP daughter, whom I love, but is only with us eight days out of the month and her mother is a big spoiled biatch. There is no way in hell any child of mine would ever be alone with a child molester. I would rather see that man dead first!

Answer 1

Your husband needs to be absolutely sure that his daughter knows that she can talk to him about ANYTHING! If her grandfather were to molest her, she would never feel comfortable telling her mother. She would be angry that her mother put her in that situation to begin with, and she wouldn't feel like her mom wouldn't believe her.

He needs to talk to his daughter about defending herself, good touch vs. bad touch, and that if her grandfather (or anyone else) ever touches her inappropriately that she needs to report it imediately. You, as his wife, should facilitate and support him with those conversations. It can be very difficult for a man to talk to his kids about those things!

As far as legal action....if the molestation was actually reported and the grandfather was prosecuted, you can take it before a judge. If it is only something that his ex claims happened, it will be a lot more difficult for you.

Be thankful she is 12 and not 3!! She is old enough to understand! TALK TO HER!!!! Express your concern for her safety, and YES, tell her why that concern is there! It is important that she has all the information so she can make an informed decision for herself! Best of luck to you and your husband, but most of all...your daughter!!

Answer 2

If the grandfather was never convicted of child molestation, there is probably nothing you can do, unless you have written or recorded proof (i.e. record a phone conversation through a tap from Radio Shack) that the mother believes him to be a child molester.

If you can prove that the mother believes that her own father molested her and she STILL will not keep her daughter away from him, then you could petition the court for a change in child custody since the mother is clearly negligent of the child's safety. I doubt Child Protective Services could do anything on heresay or even with a recording, but you could call them and ask for advice.

I don't see how you can protect the daughter without having full custody (or eliminating the grandfather).

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It is far better to prevent any abuse from happening than to wait for it to happen and then talk with her. That's a scar that doesn't heal.

Answer 3

I certainly dont agree with the child going with the grandfather, but since the father may not have much of a choice, this is my suggestion. Talk to the 10 year old about what is right and wrong touching, tell her that if anyone touches her in those areas it is wrong and she should not allow it and tell a police officer or someone in authority. The biggest thing is to make sure she understands it is wrong. Most likely the mother does not see it as a problem because it happened to her and she feels that it didnt effect her later in life and she also sees him as an old man and probably thinks it is no longer an interest to him. You are right, once they do it they will always do it, no matter how old. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

Yes! If you are attracted to children, you are attracted to children. I would do everything possible to keep this pedophile away from my daughter, wtf is the mom thinking???
If she wants to have some spiritual awakening and rekindle their father/daughter relationship, good for her, why is she dragging her daughter into it and putting her in danger??

In a family I knew the father molested the daughter and said he would never do it again. 15 years later they found out he molested his grand daughter and is now in prison. They don't change!

If I were you, I would take this to court if I had to and get a temporary injunction or whatever barring the child from leaving the state until the judge can sort through things. Is it on court record that he molested his daughter? If so that may help your argument, if not try to get some proof that he did.

Do something at least!

Answer 5

Number one, I can't understand how any mother, especially one who has experienced the molestation first hand, could EVER allow a child near the same man. Is she crazy?

Yes, I highly believe that once a man has the innate attraction to children, it is not something that gets cured. It may go into hiding, but it does not EVER go away. Trust me on this one, I have known 2 myself that I was very close to (won't mention any names) but I can honestly tell you, they do not change.

I am a single mom to a beautiful 22 month old son. You can bet your life I will do whatever possible to keep him clear of known Molestors. I have already done something to keep him away from someone one very close to us. I know the extent that I would go to to protect him.

The only legal option is to prove pedophilia, take the man to court and have him truly found guilty of the crime. That is hard to do as there would need to be witnesses to it and someone willing to say he did it. If it is statutory rape and there was penetration, there is no statute of limitations on that so even 20 years later, if he is found guilty, he WILL go to prison.

Anyway, ultimately this is a tough decision because of everyone involved. Just please trust me when I tell you, they DO NOT CHANGE.

Answer 6

Although some sexual deviants can rehabilitate themselves, for the most part once a person's sexuality is focused on children it is a lifelong thing. The matter is whether your daughter is at risk of being hurt and you are certainly right to question that. I don't know legally what can be done. Most likely, this was YEARS ago and was not prosecuted. If the accuser is comfortable with him your husband may have little say over this matter. A good piece of advice is for him to communicate this to his former mother-in law and that he will be keeping tabs on his daughter while she is on her trip. Vigilance can help in this matter. Good luck.

Answer 7

This shouldn't even be a question. Theres noway I'd let my child, or ever a friends child be alone with a known pedophile. NO NO NO!! If it's a must, I agree with the poster that said there needs to be a LONG and CLEAR conversation with the child about whats right and wrong. I myself have a violent outlook on such people. They all should be sent to an island filled with hungry lions.

Answer 8

If the child is in danger, call c.p.s. So glad she has you two looking out for her. Good luck.

As far as I know people are NOT cured from being molesters. Yes I think you should tell the step daughter so she doesnt fall victim to it but again, call child protective services and get professional advice for this girl.

Good luck!! Wish more kids had people like you looking after them! Go get em!

Answer 9

Child molesters both have a very high recidivism rate, and are extremely treatment resistant. Your step-daughter is in grave danger! Please act accordingly. Report the situation to Child Protective Services immediately, warn your step-daughter, and take any and all actions possible to prevent her from ever being alone with her grandfather.

Answer 10

There is something very wrong with that woman. If i were u i would try my best to get custody of that child because the fact that she isnt worried is very bothersome. she needs a psychologist and the daughter needs to be kept away from the grandfather.