"She" A person wants to leave but does not have the ability money wise as of yet. There are kids to consider and with nowhere to go or money to use. There has been a lot of mental and very little physical (2 times) abused. The kids also showing signs of the mental abuse. The leaving party has tried everything, but "He" the mate just does not see the abuse, responds with "just joking". The mate feels “He” is being the “MAN” he should be. Has anyone out there gone through this, if so what did you do? There once was a lot of love there that is now gone but not forgotten. After hours of talking to what seems a 10 year old he just does not get it.
2007-03-08 07:22:27 · 13 answers · asked by Jim D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm betting you got all this from her side of the story, she's hesitant to ask but, you're wanting to give her the money to leave, and you know if she does that you'd make a great second husband and step-dad for her and the kids.
If I'm half way right on any of this, you need to get out of this situation. You're going to get hurt. Financially, emotionally and maybe if the hubby is pissed enough, physically.
2007-03-08 07:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by penhead72 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in what sounds like this exact situation. For 8 years. All I can say is if she is really ready to leave, money and where to go and so on will work itself out. I'm saying it to be harsh, but I made the same excuses. There are places that can help. She needs to pick her head up be strong and do what is best for her, and her children. He will not change. Go to the local police department, see if they have a victems advocate that she can talk to. They can put her in touch with people that can help her get on her feet, ask family for help, do whatever it takes. The biggest thing is that she has to stop being scared of what's out there, and realize that she can be strong. Her feelings that she can't make it are a result of the abuse, but it is her CHOICE to stay, and the first step to having the strength is to realize this, and choose something else.
2007-03-08 16:21:18 · answer #2 · answered by coffee_inthe_evening 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I lived that life for 20 years and 3 kids. We are now divorced he left I filed. He did not respond to the petition I was awarded everything but his tools which he never came and got. In the end she will take all she can take and then do something about it. Until then give her support and an ear. That's all you can do.
2007-03-08 15:30:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is truely abuse going on, there are women & children shelters that will take her and the kids in and help them get on their feet. At the same time they will keep him away and help her to get all the proper legal papers filed for any restraining order she needs as well as finding an attorney for the divorce.
2007-03-08 15:34:27 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell (her) to hit (him) back and say just joking. then she needs to call her family, and ask for help. we cant always do everything on our own and its ok to ask. you seem to have a marked interest in this situation, is there anything you can do for her, provide her with a temporary place to stay, help her find a job so she can support her and her children? can she stay wth her mom? he needs to get help, and if need be, call the cops and have his *ss removed from the premises. see whos joking then.
if any of these options arent available, check into a womans shelter. there are lots of places that take in woman and children everyday and help them find housing jobs, get govt assistance, whatever it takes to get her out of a horrible situation
2007-03-08 15:29:48 · answer #5 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First she needs to set up a bank account in her name only. She needs to start putting aside money to get out of this mess or she could call her local battered women's shelter and they'll be happy to help her and her kids out.
2007-03-08 15:33:09 · answer #6 · answered by MJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to grow up. He knows what he's doing and he likes doing it. She would be better off without him. Surely she has somewhere she can go. Help her if you can. She doesn't need to stay or she might never leave. It will only get worse.
2007-03-08 15:27:35 · answer #7 · answered by SHELLBELL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not seeing the damage he has done, because he is not the one who is getting hurt. he feels what he is doing is no big deal, so there isn't much one can do with him, if he just can't see how this is hurting her. he needs therapy if he wants to save his marriage. if he refuses to seek help she needs to get out of there. as it can only hurt her emotionally the longer she says there. he is dissatisfied in himself, not pleased with his life, taking it all out on her. if it were me i would ask him once to go to therapy if he refused i would find a way out of the situation.
2007-03-08 16:53:16 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a child at the age of 15.ill tell you putting your kids trough this is goin to have a big effect on them.ive seen people in fights get beat to death.(literaly)my step dad(if thats wat you want to call him)beat my mom.....got her into drugs,which mad her forget that she needs to love her kids.dont let your problem ruin the kids lives........this might work:save money some how and get out asap but dont hurt the kids in the process.its gonna hurt to c u leave but that hurt is manageable......try to quit fighting.... :(
2007-03-08 15:31:42 · answer #9 · answered by kris j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to boot him out and forget about trying to get through to him. His mind is made up about things and she should make up her mind too that this is over for good.
2007-03-08 15:26:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋