Ways of rekindiling a bad marriage?

Question

There has been some infidelity in our marriage...we both ar willing to work on the relationship, but need some advise on some things we can try together to rekindle the marriage...been married for 8yrs basically can't live without each other even though some unfaithful things has transpired, but is willing to work through it...

Answer 1

As much as many people hate to hear it, you should get yourselves into a family therapist. They really CAN help those people who want to help themselves. They have the tools and the resources for you to get past your hurt and anger and ways to help you build a newer, stronger and better bond. Please don't wait.

Answer 2

First sit down together and remember some things you liked to do together in the beginning. Maybe walks, bowling, movies, dinner, whatever, and start to incorporate them into your lives again. Next, vow to appreciate each other and let each other know. (A note in his jacket pocket that he'll find on his way to work, or his lunch box (you get the idea). You could leave you a note on the bathroom mirror as he leaves the bathroom to go to work, or put a rose on your car windshield once in a while. At night you could offer to give him a hot oil massage (just warm up some baby oil on the stove or in the microwave) and he could reciprocate. Join some groups together - do you both like to read - join book clubs at the library or local book store. Are you both athletic - join a volleyball club (volleyball is usually co-ed and lots of fun). Volunteer at the local animal shelter together. But remember that you still each need some time for yourselves. Good luck and God Bless you both for realizing that it will take a little work but your are willing to do it to save your marriage. Marriage is the hardest job anyone will ever have but the one with the best benefits!.

Answer 3

First you need to completely agree to put the past behind you - this means NOT bringing it up in any future arguments.
Next you need to spend more time doing 'real life' things together, such as grocery shopping, and yardwork...to build trust and a sense of teamwork.
And of course you should plan some fun 'away' trips to get back in tune with each other and talk about what made you both stray, and ideas of how you can avoid it in the future.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Talk talk talk about everything. Don't avoid any conversations that need to happen. Tell eachother whats on your mind. Always respect what the other says even if you don't agree you can agree to disagree. This helped me and my husband after he cheated. We now have a very strong marriage. The hardest part is trust and it is a hard thing to find again. If you love each other and it sounds like you do then just always be honest and communicate respectfully.

Answer 5

Get in shape spiritually then all other issues WILL fall into place. Pray for one another. Forgive each other. Share intimate thoughts & feelings. Granted it may seem nearly impossible, esp if there's the issues of trust because of the infidelity, but if you're wanting change. . . You must first change.

Wanting change that's terrific... It's also only a 1st step. Evaluating and Changing, now that's where the work comes in at.

No spiritual life = No guidance. Lack of prayer = Lack of protection. No GOD = IMPOSSIBLE. With/In GOD anything/all things are possible. No Jesus = No healing, No peace, No salvation

If you want to see change in your marriage. If you desire changes in yourself and your partner. Step out of the box & truly try what you probably haven't. . .GOD. He's the auther and creator of life, love, and marriage. Think of it this way, why go anywhere except to the source when you're in need of advice, answers, and/or change.

Answer 6

If you're into religion, there are groups at local churches that can help you express your feelings. If not try a marriage counselor. Sounds like you both want to try so your spouse should be receptive to one of these resources. Give it a try and if it doesn't help you might want to try a trial separation. Maybe living apart from each other will remind you each of how special your relationship is.

Answer 7

I have a few self help books that I think you should pick up. I would like to commend you and your spouse for trying to work through the pain of infedelity. A rough road is ahead, and you two are showing great courage and steadfastness. It is refreshing to see.

Books:
The Five Love Languages
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

The Five Languages of Apology
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn_apology.html

The Art of Forgiving: When you need to forgive and don't know how
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X/marriagesrest-20

Answer 8

A marriage goes bad because one or both of you made a bad choice in terms of who to marry. Neither of you are bad people, someone just made the wrong choice. I think if you can unravel your choking co-dependency, you will be able to see if you marriage can be rekindled.

Answer 9

If you are BOTH very committed to this, it might work. It is so difficult. There is an excellent web site that sort of guides you through strengthening marriages and addresses infidelity. Good luck.

Answer 10

A marriage cousellor will help.

Prayers will help, prayer is a help line God gave to human beings when whatever they are in is beyond them, prayer works and it is not for weaklings.

It is a positive sign that the two of you are willing to work, I think it will work.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 11

Go to a marriage counselor. It will get things out in the open and allow you both to talk and put these things behind you. Both of you need to show each other your commiment and love for one another.
I wish you both of best of luck