I need help on how to approach the man I'm with and tell him I'm moving to North Carolina with our kids. It's not a question of whether or not to leave, it's just how do I tell him and still be able to pack up my whole house.
Background: he's been abusive in the passed, he pays absolutely no bills (I do). He says he's no longer cheating on me with his EX but I know he is. He never stopped seeing her since we've been together and I've even caught him before. Since the last time I caught him he says "I'm doing the right thing now" and it appears he is but I know better. We have a 1 yr old and a 3yr old that adore him and we live together. I'm afraid when I tell him he will get abusive to me or take the boys. I have a new job lined up in NC so I'm on a short timeline. I will need to pack up the house and don't know how I can do this after I tell him. He thinks everything is fine with us but it's best for me and boys to leave. HELP how do I do it? I dont want to bring police into it.
2007-03-08 07:02:51 · 24 answers · asked by trouble421muah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this friend i used to work with was in a situation like this, she lived in virginia, and she waited until he went to work, had a friend stake him out to make sure he didn't leave, and packed everything and left. he came home to an empty house. and she hasn't seen him since. the divorce was handled without them seeing each other or anything like that, and i thought it was the greatest thing when i heard. even if you aren't where you are trying to go when he comes back, you can still be on your way. the united states is a big place. he wouldn't even know where to start.
2007-03-08 07:15:50 · answer #1 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your either gonna have to do it while he is at work, or bring the Police into it for your safety. Be smart about this, or you won't be going anywhere, you have let this go on too long. You could also take things out of the house slowly, like the kids stuff, which he would not notice, and than make a clean sweep, when he's at work. You may not be able to take all what you want, but consider yourself lucky getting out now. I am glad you finally are getting your life in order, sounds like you have had a hard time. You deserve better, so does your children! Good luck!!
2007-03-08 07:12:55 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, weather you wait until he is gone, or decide to tell him, send the kids somewhere else while you do it. They are your number one priority here and you want to make sure they are safe. If he is abusive (and I speak from experience) you may need to involve the police, weather you want to or not, especially if you want to move your whole house. In my situation, I took my child and everything I absolutely had to have and left and went and stayed with my dad temporarily, then when he found out and freaked out, I filed for a protective order granting me temporary custody and also giving me permission to return to the house with the police and collect everything I needed to. If you take your children and leave you will not get charged for kidnapping. If there is no order for custody, then posses ion is 9/10 of the law. But be warned that you better be prepared to act fast because you want to be the one to file first, you can get emergency hearings for temporary relief, at least granting you temporary custody, and a temporary child support order, until the courts decide. I would suggest preparing yourself by talking to a lawyer as well. And above all Good luck! It sounds like you're making the right choice.
2007-03-08 07:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by coffee_inthe_evening 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had better get a lawyer before you move those (his & yours) kids out of state. What about visitation rights. The courts will not be happy with you. You need to file for seperation and temperary custody of the kids through an attoroney before hand. Hope you get custody (you might not). Then the other spouse will have the right to file also an you never know what a judge willl do.
2007-03-08 07:20:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about him. You and the kids get out with as much as you can ASAP and without telling him. Just leave him a note telling him that you are moving and filing for divorce. However, the state that you move to may have a residency requirementy (90 days or so) before you can file for divorce. And, he can be the first one to file by filing in the jurisdiciton where you two lived together, thereby forcing you to litigate long distance.
2007-03-08 07:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are worried about him, then you have two options. Either you can have some friends to help you and keep him from hurting you or you can get the cops involved. It is not a pleasant prospective, but it will prevent violence against you or your children. An abusive person will not change and he will likely resort to violence as soon as you tell him. Have someone, either a capable friend or officer, with you. Make sure you do not leave anything with your new address where he can find it.
2007-03-08 07:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by fly guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask your family for help, or jut tell him and start packing, if he chooses to get abusive at this point you will need to call the police. send the kids to grandmas for a weekend so they wont be around if **** hits the fan. or try to get him out of the house for the night and pack it all up and leave then. good luck sorry
2007-03-08 07:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you take the kids out of state the police will be involved if he does not know you are leaving and moving to another state and you could end up on the short end of the stick my advice to you would be seek legal advice before you do this there are some free legal advice org. for women who have been abused like you i can't recall the names of them right now maybe some one else on this site could post some for you. ps good luck to you and your kids.
2007-03-08 08:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by bluemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to get him out of the house long enough for you to pack up and leave. If all else fails get the cops involved by just telling them that you need help getting your stuff explain the situation you don't have to press charges they are here to protect and serve. You can't just tell him you don't want him to freak and run off with or kids or worse do anything to harm any of you. Keep strong and don't change your mind you have put up with this for too long. Be Strong. My prayers are with you. You need help you can't do this alone. Tell someone.
Get help with this somehow you owe it to yourself and your kids. Go for it.
2007-03-08 07:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to get away, just pack up the necessities that you can't leave behind...and GO! There is no way you can move the entire house without him going ballistic - if you need to take everything, you'll have to involve the cops. Also- if you take your children away without having full custody - that is considered KIDNAPPING. Check the laws in your area, before you end up in jail.
2007-03-08 07:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋