My wife is questioning whether she loves me or has ever loved me and has lost total respect for me. I have made stupid decisions through out our life together (debt!) but I have commited my entire life to her. This rejection is killing me. She doesnt know when, or if she will return. We have spoken to our 2 youngs boys so they are aware of whats going on.
I am seeking counciling right now to help sort out my feelings. But is there anything I can do to win her love and respect back?
2007-03-08 06:58:16 · 12 answers · asked by broken_fish 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No matter what bad decisions you have made in your marriage, your wife should always support you, but instead she has chosen for the worse by being seperated from you. That's not what a wife is suppose to do. A wife is to stand with her man no matter what! "For better or for worse", what is it with women that they just forget that part in their marriage vows? I just don't get it. They get so upset and make unwise decisions themselves and just think of themselves rather than how this situation would make their children feel.
That's one thing husbands and wives should have for each other is, respect, appreciation, and love. If you don't have those things, you don't have a marriage. She doesn't have respect for now all because of what you have done. She doesn't want to see that you are making an effort by getting the counseling that you need, but I really think that she needs to be there with you during counseling. Your boys need a father and mother who are willing to work at their marriage, rather than taking the easy way out by leaving.
I would consider on reading these two great books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".
You are already doing your part by seeking counseling, so now it is up to her to see and for her to admit to herself that what she is doing is wrong. Hopefully, she will see that. And hopefully you both come together as two adults to work out your problems for the sake of your two sons. If not, your sons will be the ones who will suffer the most.
2007-03-08 07:44:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
As the old saying goes, time heals all wounds. Don't be her shadow, don't call her 100 times a day. Just let things blow over for a while. When things are cooled down a bit, call her and see how she is doing. Don't bring up old arguments, don't bring up the past at all unless you want to start arguing again. Be her friend for a while, if the fire is still there, it'll happen in time. Get out and do other things, sitting around thinking about this situation is not good. Good luck, and I'm sorry you are going through this.
2007-03-08 07:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by suchaprettyface11 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
particular, yet you won't like it. stop thinking of your self as 'tomsmom' and discover out who you're. you're in there someplace and your Son desires a actual individual for a mom which you won't be able to be in the journey that your total life is wrapped up in being a mom who's ceaselessly pining for the previous and a relationship that has died. a thank you to do it gracefully? placed one foot in front of the different and go away the haunted residing house that your relationship has develop into. think of your husband supplies a s'hit while you're offended or have somebody else? incorrect! he's moved on; you gotta do a similar. Get a boyfriend to make your self happy; to no longer piss of the guy who has of course moved on together with his existence. Now stop your sobbing, get far off from that pass'ddam pc and pass out and get a existence! Tom will thank you for it, and at last you will thank your self for it.
2016-11-23 15:41:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel, went through it 12 years ago and honestly the only thing that worked was prayer. I am not perfect and I am not preaching I like to drink and have a good time but I also know that GOD won't kick you when your down. Pray constantly and what ever happens you will find peace. Good luck.
2007-03-08 07:23:02 · answer #4 · answered by frogenstien 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not likely the 1st thing u need to do is pick yourself up and dust off. I am sure that you did make some mistakes we all do. But there is not any reason to blame all of that on the failure of your marrige. It takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it. The odds are that she either has another man or is trying to position herself to catch one. I would suggest you move on even if she came back you would spend every waking moment in fear that you was doing something wrong.
2007-03-08 07:06:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on being the best husband, father, and person you can be in God's eyes, not hers. Become as blameless as you can. Then pray for God to do what is best, knowing that what happens is by design and best for all involved (even if it is not what you want). Doing the same old thing over and over and then expecting a different result is how Einstein defined insanity. The book "His Needs, Her Needs" may give you insight as to what to concentrate on.
2007-03-08 07:12:24 · answer #6 · answered by The Central Scrutinizer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, give her the space to sort through her stuff too. it might just be a mid life crises. at this point the best thing you can do is apologize for your short comings, take the steps to eliminate (or stat to) your debt, and let her know that no matter the seperation, your still here for her if she needs you..to talk, to cry, to anything. try to go about your daily business and try to stay strong.
2007-03-08 07:04:12 · answer #7 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to wait until she figures out what she wants. Leaving (as bad as it feels) is the best things for her to realize what she has with her realtionship with you. Hopefully for you she will realize the grass isn't greener on the other side.
I am going thru this same exact thing with my spouse even though I haven't give my spouse any reason to leave - he is just leaving.
2007-03-08 07:38:04 · answer #8 · answered by Confussedhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just like Michael Jackson say's....just beat it!!!
On a serious note....I feel for you, but if she truly questions whether she ever in fact DID love you, only she can tell you that. It's pretty much a waiting game for you right now.
2007-03-08 07:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by Master Richard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have never prayed before, now is the time, prayer is the help line God gave to human beings to handle what is beyond them.
Dude all you can do is to PROVE to her that you have changed and pray fervently for God to touch her heart so she can take you back.
2007-03-08 07:29:54 · answer #10 · answered by Pink_Zirconia!!! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋