Seth nodded. “It’s a deal.” His face marked anger that only Frank could see. He had been hoping to get 500,000 or maybe more. But he also knew that he had to let him go or he risked getting caught.
“So,” John said. He looked at Frank. “How well trained is he?”
“I haven’t trained him. Some of my men have used them for their own purposes. I merely wanted him as a hostage.”
John nodded. “Well, that’s not really what I need him for anyway. I just need him so that I can use him as a hostage when need be.”
Seth smiled, took the check, and escorted the fugitive and Frank from the building.
2007-03-08 06:26:04 · 4 answers · asked by dOnNa 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
"It's a deal," Seth nodded, turning so that only Frank could see the anger on his face. He'd been hoping to get at least five hundred thousand, if not more; but it couldn't be helped. If he didn't let him go, he risked getting caught.
"So." John looked Frank over. "How well trained is he?"
"I haven't trained him," [Seth] replied. "Some of my men may have used him for their own purposes...I merely wanted him as a hostage."
John nodded. "Sounds about right. That's all I really needed him for, anyway. Just in case."
Seth forced a smile and took the check before escorting Frank and the fugitive from the building.
2007-03-08 07:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by sappykindredspirit 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seth nodded. “It’s a deal.” His face marked with anger that only Frank could see. He had been hoping to get 500 large or maybe more. But he also knew that he had to let him go or he would risked getting caught.
“So,” John looked at Frank and said. “How well is he trained?”
“I haven’t trained him. Some of my men have used them for their own purposes.
John nodded and said I merely wanted him as a hostage when needed.”
Seth smiled, took the check, and escorted the fugitive and Frank from the building.
5 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer. - 0 answers - Report Abuse
2007-03-08 14:41:27 · answer #2 · answered by ULTRA150 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out of fluency purposes, I would suggest:
"So," John said, looking at Frank, "how well trained is he?"
(Instead of what you have written)
For the mere purpose of sound of this draft, I would not use the word "nodded" twice. (As in "John nodded" and "Seth nodded".) "Seth nodded" can easily be changed to "grimace", which also conveys that Seth is disappointed about not getting as much money as he expected, while "nodded" does not.
With "Seth smiled", you might want to add an adverb, describing how the man smiled. I'm picturing him sort of smirking or smiling wryly. Choose your adverb wisely though.
You may put "John nodded, "Well...". WITH a comma behind nodded, insinuating that John nodded while talking. If that's not the case, then leave that out.
I cannot critique the dialogue. The dialogue is the author's prized jewels... the dialogue's grammar doesn't matter (people can speak however they wish) and no one should have any input (unless it doesn't make sense) on a writer's conversations.
Good luck and good job.
2007-03-08 17:29:19 · answer #3 · answered by Squeegee Beckingheim :-) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plagarism?
Naah, thanks. I'm full.
2007-03-08 14:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by Harleigh 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋