Pregnant, Depressed and Confused. Any Advice?

Question

I'm 21 years old and I just recently found out I'm 3 months pregnant. My fiance and his family are really happy but my family is so angry. I told my mother when I came to visit her this week. At first she was disappointed but supportive...somewhat. She told me to abort but I don't believe in abortion for these situations, if I was raped maybe it would be different. So now she's angry and not speaking to me. I know she wants me to stay in school (I was going to be a vet) but its not like I can't get back in school once I have my baby. I don't understand why she is so against us keeping our child. He works a good paying job, we're getting married, we live together and we love and support each other. She tries to put me down about the situation which makes me mad because she had 6 kids by 5 men and was only married to 2. Now there's going to be a family meeting b4 I go back home and I know they're all going to attack me verbally. How would you handle this situation?

Answer 1

well first off congratulations and second it doesn't matter what your family think at the end of the day your fiance and your baby are your family now and as u have said hes happy so good on u and your 21 its not like your 16 and it was a resort of a one night stand u have a boyfriend who buy the sounds of it absolutely adores u and can support u financially so it doesn't matter what your mum thinks i have a Little boy with my fiance and my family was exactly the same as your family couldn't be happy for us but we dnt care because we have each other and when that baby is born your fiance and the baby will be your immediate family i think your mum maybe jealous because your life is going to be so much better than hers and for some reason she doesn't want that like u have said she had 6 kids buy 5dads and only married 2 and theirs u that has found someone who's going to marry u and that can u give u a good and stable life which is what she never had and their are loads of courses out their that can help u get a degree after having a baby so u can still have a career you not loosing anything u cant get baby but your gaing the most precious gift a baby good luck

Answer 2

You seem to have all your ducks in a row. You plan on getting married and your fiance is supportive (financially and emotionally). Do you think that your mother is just a little jealous of this fact, given her track record? And, I am not putting her down. It just seems that most parents always want their children to have life better than they did. In your case, your mom doesn't seem to be feeling this way (perhaps unconsciously). And you are right about school. You can always go back to school after the baby is born. You are grown and on your own, so the whole family meeting thing is silly. Who is going to support the baby? You and your (soon-to-be) husband; not the family. And you'd be surprised how people change once that little baby is born. I hope it works out between you and your mother. I am sure you would appreciate it if she were there to help you with new-mother issues after the baby is born.

Answer 3

Wow sweetie that is tough. Parents are not always right, and no disrespect to your mom. Sounds to me that you have the building blocks for a great future, and if you want to finish school bad enough you will even while pregnant and even when the baby is born. If you have a supportive loving partner then you have the world. Your mom may be jealous of where you are in your life, that is hard to imagine I am sure. But my mom acted strange when I married and she was worse when we bought our home. Keep your chin up, and the family meeting? you are 21 I would tell them that you don't believe a family meeting is appropriate because you are having this baby, you are getting married, you are finishing school and you will do just fine. If they don't want to agree with you then that is their fault. I am not sure if that helps but I do wish you all the best to you and your future!

Answer 4

I agree with everyone, you are not a child, I can see why your family might be upset because this baby is coming before a wedding, but it's your life. You are defiantly old enough to care for a baby, and you have the love and support of your Fiance. Go to the family meeting, after-all they are still your family. Just tell them your not a child and know that you are going to be a good mother. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Your mom was probably just shocked about the pregnancy, and wants you to finish school. At 21 years old you know what's the best thing for you, so don't let anyone tell you different. If you are happy with your fiance & your baby, then that's great! I'm sure your mom will come around, despite the things she told you she does love you, and just wants what's best for you. Don't let anyone make you feel inadequate, speak up for what you want and what you're doing, and if they don't like it they can butt out! As far as the family meeting I really don't see a need for you to go, especially if you feel they are going to do nothing but attack you. They need to understand this is your life, and you are going to do as you please. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

You know I was in your shoes to the T, in school at 21...but actively ttc with exdh. finally got pregnant and had both my kids 21 and 23....you know what now at 35 they are the best decision I ever did!!! Look at how beautifully young you are to start your family! When they are 21 you will only be 41!!!! I can honestly say with being 35 and ttc with my second husband that it scares me to death...I will be in my 50's while this one is in HIGH school!!!
As for your mom, it is YOUR life, at 21 you are now an adult. She will be disappointed for a while but if she loves you and understands this is love between you and your finance then she too will love ALL of you! Eventually the ones we love begin to get over things. I am not saying stoop to her level and cut her off, but give her time. She only wanted what she thought best for you - school- and she was right, but your life took a turn and now you must travel this road. Everything will work out, and FINISH school!!! Tons of people do it every day! Don't make excuses over your baby, make choices over your baby! Being a VET is going to be a great security for your child long term if something happens and it ends being YOU and the BABY with no finance. Be able to rely on yourself and your life will be great!!
Best wishes to you.

Answer 7

This is your decision not theirs, you want the baby keep it, if they don't want you to keep it that is their opinion tell them where to go and how to get their if they don't want to be part of your happy moment then that's on them, family or not. Your 21 years old not 15, if you are going to let them run your life and tell you what to do especially with your body they will do it your whole life you have to show them you are your own person now, thank them for raising you but you are old enough to make your own decisions. Why are you going to let them attack you verbally, you know you have a choice to leave your not a kid anymore. STAND YOUR GROUND!! If that was me I would totally put them in their place family or not, its your choice to want to raise a child there is nothing better than seeing your own child grow up. Tell them you are having the baby whether you like it or not and you don't have to sit there and listen to their negative responses. Just because your mom thinks she made mistakes, she wouldn't have the kids she has now. Start your own family with the man you love, you won't be sorry especially when you take that first look in your child's eyes in the delivery room. Keep your head up!! Your emotions are going to be on a total roller coaster from this day on. I'm onto my third child and don't regret any minute. You don't have to be around them if they don't want to be part of your babies life. and let me tell you their attitude will probably change once their grandchild is born, they will be all goo goo ga ga when they see him or her so don't sweat it..... have a happy healthy pregnancy. don't let anyone bring you down especially at a time like this. Good luck and stand your ground it's your new family now that you are standing up.

Answer 8

I think that your mother is just in shock plus she probably really wants you to graduate. Even if you don't get a job after you graduate at least you will have that to fall back on God forbid anything should happen to your husband or your marriage.

My mom wasn't very supportive when I told her I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. Actually her words were "You aren't old enough to have a baby anyway." I was 22 and we were sitting in the ER when she said this.

She got over it and now I am pregnant again (24) and she is excited. Your mom will come around.

Answer 9

For one I understand how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant the father didn't want it and everybody else was happy. He told me to abort and I don't believe in it unless the doctor signals to me that there is an underlying cause for it. But after a while when he heard the heartbeat and saw the ultrasounds and things, he came around. Just try to involve her as much as possible if that is possible at all. If she doesn't come around then she will come around after it's born and you will see she will be your biggest supporter. If not, there are some people you just can't please. But don't get stressed about it. Avoid going around her. I know it's hard but that's how I am doing my baby's father and it is working fine. I had to get on nerve pills because of him. But I found out when I cut him off completely, I felt better and I found someone who is gonna treat me better. Of course he will be there for the child afterwards, but I don't need him stressing me out at this point in my life. Pregnancy is a time to enjoy yourself and the pampering youre gonna get.

Answer 10

If you are living with them, I suggest that you leave and see if you can move in with your fiance. I would leave at the first sign of any verbal abuse. You are pregnant and it unhealthy to be dealing with that. What you need is support from them and if they can't give it to you, then you need to get out of there before something happens to you and the baby. You can no longer think about them, you need to focus on yourself and the baby. I can't begin to understand how your mother asked you to abort. My guess is that she struggled very much and she doesn't want you to go through that but she really need to realize that it your life and decision. Good luck with your situation.