Is porn healthy in a relationship?

Question

We have been together for 11 years and i love him very much but I really think it is degrading for him to watch porn when I am asleep at least once a week he say's it;s healthy but I don't agree help???

Answer 1

First, let's refer to it as erotica. Porn is just a pejorative term, and what I would call the "cheaply made stuff."

Erotica has been around for thousands of years. It began as painting, sculpture and poetry, and eventually evolved into literature, photography, acting, and video.

Erotica is simply an alternative form of sexual arousal; it is harmless fantasy and nothing more.

Regarding fantasy, Helen Fisher ("The First Sex," Ballantine Books, Feb. 2000) says that 71 percent of men and 72 percent of women fantasize while having sex with a partner. Men fantasize about conquest and domination, women about submission and surrender.

Dr. Joyce Brothers says, "It might relieve some of your guilt to know that many happily married individuals who have no thought or intention of ever betraying their spouse have sexual fantasies about someone other than their spouse."

Both men and women (single and in a relationship) have shown a desire to enjoy erotica in some form.

As long as a partner is taking care of his/her obligations and responsibilities (job, family) and seeing that the other person is being fulfilled sexually, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with enjoying alternative forms of arousal.

If he is fulfilling you sexually, give him some privacy and space to indulge in a little fantasy. Your relationship is not at risk.

We've been married almost 37 years, and we both enjoy viewing erotica. It has not hurt our relationship at all.

Also, we were smart enough to acknowledge the normalcy of self-pleasure during the first year of our relationship.

We both enjoy sex, and that means all aspects of it - intercourse, oral and masturbation; shared and private.

Trust me, I don't think your relationship is at risk.

Answer 2

There's nothing wrong with watching porn once in awhile. Like anything else, it's safe in moderation. I've always had a decent collection of porn. My current girlfriend of six months isn't into it at all so I do watch it when she's around out of respect. Some past girlfriends have been interested and we've enjoyed it together.

Watching porn doesn't mean that he values you any less as an important part of his life. Look at it as a movie genre and it may be a little easier for you to deal with it that way. Just the same way as you may like romantic movies and he likes action films. This is no different.

In the end it all boils down to respect. If you don't like him watching porn when you're around then tell him so. If he's a good guy he will probably agree to watch it when you're elsewhere. That should be enough to keep you both happy.

Answer 3

Honey don't fret it's not you. Guys are chronic masturbaters you can tell him how you feel and ask him to change for you.
I honestly wouldn't put up with it. It's unhealthy for you. You don't need to spend your life trying to live up to your man's fantasies and fetishes. There is nothing healthy about it. But of course he would say that. He's making excuses for himself.
You have to make a big decision here. You can either put your foot down and risk losing him to porn but honestly if it's more important than you he doesn't deserve you. You should be his porn. Porn is an addiction most men are unwilling to admit they have. If he can't kick the habit for you I don't think you should stay you will never be truly happy and you don't want to live the rest of your life unhappy just because you don't want to make waves. You've got to stand up for yourself and let him know that no matter how small of an issue it is to him he is hurting you. You'll find out quickly if he is with you for true love or for convenience. I know this isn't easy I had to do it and my husband chose me. Our house is porn free and we are both happier. There is more truth in our relationship. If he loves you he can do this. It will take some time though it took me a year. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I think it depends on if you have a healthy sexual relationship between the two of you. If he is using it to satisfy himself and is denying you then definitely not! If the two of you have a healthy relationship and both are happy with your sex lives then watching it isn't all that bad. It's such a touchy subject. If you feel it's degrading then talk to him openly about it. Don;t nag, just explain how you feel! Men are extremely visual and react accordingly! Have you tried watching it with him?

Answer 5

I completely agree with Sharon. Porn is definitely addictive and unhealthy, not only for your relationship, but for him personally. You'll be doing what's best for HIM by demanding a stop to it. Don't be satisfied when he stops watching porn at night (I'm guessing you're referring to Cinemax, or something similar). Check up on him...see what he's looking at on the internet. Let him know you're concerned for his spiritual well-being. If he's addicted, he knows it and just might welcome the intervention.

Answer 6

Would you be able to handle watching it together, rather than having him exclude you? What about it do you find unhealthy? It's much preferable to him going out and finding a real live other woman... men are weird that way.

Answer 7

I use to get mad when my ex-bf even looked at a porn pic when we were together. I think porn is just gross, but that is my opinion.

Answer 8

No i dont think so either. What good does it do for him to look at porn and not give a **** about you. Yes i know i have been there done that.

Answer 9

i personaly feel that porn is very degrading for a women/man doing it and watching it behind your partners back isn't right, talk to him about it, why don't you watch it together?

Answer 10

together is something else, however it is rather unhealthy of him having to watch porn having you next to him, i would believe he has functionality troubles. and that is not the way to adress that.