I have an ex that has not talked to his kids since Sept of last year. When he did talk to them before he would lie to them and tell them he would come see them or he had bought them something and of course it wouldn’t show up. And he would try to pit everyone against each other every chance he got. He is now asking to talk to them and I need some general rules I can put into force to hopefully let the children enjoy his calls. Please help me think up some that I may have missed. Thank you :-)
2007-03-08 06:11:39 · 9 answers · asked by mudd_grip 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids are 6 and 8 and they love their dad, he is a very fun dad in small doeses. So they would love to talk to him and dont understand the things he does. :-( yet. Since he is not the most reliable person I want to set some ground rules that if he doesnt follow, he cant talk to them, for their sake. If he cant be a good part of their lives I feel that not talking to him is a lesser evil.
2007-03-08 06:51:59 · update #1
Oh and I have sole custody.
2007-03-08 06:53:41 · update #2
You cannot protect your children by keeping them from your ex. He is their Father (even if he isn't a good one) and has the right to see and speak to his children. Your children will grow up having resentment against you if you interfear with their relationship. Don't tell them if he says he is comming over, just let it be a surprise when he knocks on the door. Then they won't be dissapointed if he doesn't show. So other than making sure he calls at an appropiate time, I don't know what other rules you would have. As they get older they will know what kind of Father they have, you won't need to tell them.
2007-03-08 07:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a divorced family myself--I would tell the children (not the dad) to not expect the moon--You should not talk badly about their father or they will end up hating you in the end!!! Just let their dad see them and hope that he does the right thing--that is the only right thing to do. It is their father and the only one they will ever have-- let them make their own decision of what to think of him!!!
Whoever made you the sole custodian should have realized that you were going to make it hard on the father to see his kids . You are probably the reason he doesn't see them often and doesn't show up. Sounds like you think that it is your right to keep their dad away from them!!!That is too bad for your children that you can be that mean and vindictive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-08 06:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I would do if I were you is talk to the kids and ask them if they want to talk to him. If they do remind them that he has be unreliable in the past and they have to accept the fact that this may happen again. Hopefully he now has his act together and realizes what he has missed. I think that; you should give him another chance in seeing them because if you don't later in life you will be the bad guy who didn't let dad be in their lives.
2007-03-08 06:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I think I'd insist on supervised visits since he has no problem lying to them. What are his visitation rights according to the divorce papers?
Talk to your children. You don't say how many you have or how old they are, but try to prepare them in case "daddy" doesn't keep his promise to visit. Do NOT bad mouth your ex to them; regardless of how big a jerk he is, he's still their dad.
2007-03-08 06:50:55 · answer #4 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/C4dEa
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.
2016-04-26 22:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him ONE last chance. That's it. If he screwed it up this time, sorry sir...apparently you don't want to be their father. Make him take you to court for visitation. More than likely, if he's too lazy to keep a relationship with his children, he won't go that route.
Many parents don't realize how damaging it can be to your children to run in and out of their lives. It's good to see you are trying to protect them.
2007-03-08 06:19:23 · answer #6 · answered by Tina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you have got the right idea... I think telling him he gets one more chance and if he cancels visits or doesn't call for a period of time more than once then he will have to go to court to get visitation again because you are not going to let him do that to his kids.
2007-03-08 06:15:41 · answer #7 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just make sure you let it be known to him that if he pulls what he did before, he is getting cut on the first. the children do not need to be put through this and nor do you need to have to lie to the children if he doesnt show up. think about your kids. it is all about them and not him. how do they feel about seeing dad again?
2007-03-08 06:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by Jacinda 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actions speak louder than words so give him a chance and let him know that if he messes up again it will be his last.
2007-03-08 06:23:34 · answer #9 · answered by Vivita 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋