I agree with you all..love at first sight is mainly lsut..onyl after you get to know a person you really fall in love with them. I have been in arrangd marriage for 3 yrs and half noww, and i met my wife once for1 15 min then 3 days later said eys to marry her. Today i am not sure if i love her, the lvoe you see in everyday couple who went to love marriage...there are no sparsk...i dunno why i cant feel that love that she feel for me and i dont know what to do..if it is lost case and if we should divorce becuz of incompatibilities or no love? i was told falling in love will happen eventually after marriage...but it didnt happen...on my side..and on top i was told i have sexual behavior (obsessive compulsive disorder), but even without this i do feel this absence of feelings....someone can tell me something?
2007-03-08 06:05:40 · 13 answers · asked by aminf31 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hi, i looked for a romantic, love at first sight for few years in my young age (18-24 yrs old) and many times i foudn girls i liked instantly, attracted to but it didnt go further at all, they either rejected me or it wasnt really marriage material girl. At the end i desperately gave up and decided parents to look for me. I needed someone to give me companionship, love, sex and everythig needed from a partner. They didnt help me much findning me 2 girls to meet for 15-30 mins, then decide later on to marry or not. The first one i met instantly i liked her, enjoyed the talk and was willing to say yes. She said no.
the seocnd was my wife, met her, talked to her 15 min, didnt like her instantly, nor the talk was enjoyable (she was down cuz of mother's cancer) and 3 days later i had to give a answer. I was confused said yes thinking i wont find another girl after this that i will like. I need a rational advice considering everything else around. I was told love grows after marriage.
2007-03-08 08:02:35 · update #1
hi, thanks so far for teh answers. Few basic questions and thoughts:
1. should is top topic this and continue with a cousnellor i m going to see tommorow?
2. what if i am not missing any love feeling, maybe i love ehr but i am mainly only missing the romantic love, the attractive lust that you have when you fall in love? maybe i am jsut a little harder in my heart?
3. if you say yes or no about love happening from your experience, can you please tell me why yu think ti didnt happen to you, or did happen to you and why do you think it is not happening to me?
4. is it possible that i am only gonna fall in love if i find a women enough beautiful to sweep me off, and i dont even need to know her before?
5. most fo you guys are telling me love is not possible after arranged marriage....so it is true..? I am scrrewed and wasted my time with her
thanks
2007-03-13 02:59:55 · update #2
if you do don't really love this person anymore than you should just go ahead and break it off with him before one of ya'll gets your feelings hurt. You cannot go through life knowing that you don't have anyone that you can really call your lover.
2007-03-08 06:11:47 · answer #1 · answered by mcwhiteboy6775 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first off what was you thinking being in a "arranged marriage"marriage is something so BIG why would you let someone else do it for you?Ok I do know in some country's do that.I think that in some cases of arranged marriages that it does work.marriage with regular people takes lots of time work and sometimes years anyway so in your case its like triple the work.I am sure that people grow to respect then comes the love.But if you have tried all you can and gave it your all then maybe you should let the spouse go to not waste the other persons life.As for your disorder.......Lots of people say they have all those problems now days everyone has a disorder..There's a name for everything years ago it was just maybe you thought of s ex way way to much then dwell ed on that to much and the more you think of it the worse it gets .Maybe you should exercise your mind in other activity's .And if you really do have a problem then there is medicine..
2007-03-16 04:43:53 · answer #2 · answered by anntanner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is possible with arranged marriage. If you do not feel love for your wife after three years of marriage, then it is time to think about making a change. I believe you are doing the right thing by seeking counselling from a professional. You will not get the answer you are seeking from this site, because you cannot go into every little detail that comes into the situation (ie. kids involved, etc) nor can we walk in your shoes w/ regards to your wife. Go get some professional help, talk to your wife, and together make a decision for the betterment of both of your lives. Maybe she is just as miserable or more so then you are!
2007-03-16 04:19:06 · answer #3 · answered by Dani 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
O.K. this is difficult since arranged marriages went out here in USA back in the early 1600's. They do still happen, but with people of different cultures that joined our little melting pot. The problem, you agreed to an arranged marriage, then after the fact, you changed your mind. Now you will either destroy a marriage, or learn to accept it. Those are your only choices? First off you aren't perceived by the opposite sex as a Don Juan, (A desirable man) you've been turned down by quite a few women. So if you decide to say goodbye to your wife, you may not ever get another woman, ever! Listen, there are just guys who go without, forever. They just never get anyone of the opposite sex to love them. My advice is to work on this relationship. Sit down with her and say you want it to work, but, it just isn't happening as fast as you would like. Tell her what kind of woman you are attracted to. Don't give names, just attributes. Character traits. Personality traits that you find appealing. Understand this! If you are wanting something weird and twisted, you will lose her! If she loves you and I think she does, she will try out a few of these characteristics you mention. She will cling to her "comfort zone" for quite awhile! Don't expect magic over nite. Good Luck Dude!
2007-03-08 10:07:34 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are depress about something. Love and sex was suppose to(in your mind) make it better.
You need to be happy with yourself first..b4 marriage of any kind.
Finally LOVE has not boundaries. Stop looking for the perfect woman. Everything comes with price.
Ex: Girl that cooks...could be fat, A model chick...spend too much money. You never know.
You need someone that you can live with and can live it you. Have fun live.. life
One more thing...Arrange marriage were suppose to be done by some one that Know both families and parties. You suppose to be a match by the mind then body. IT CAN WORK..if done RIGHT!. Not sure but she could have lie to be your match cus her mom was dying. She wanted to be married before her mom passed.
Get a divorce in a peaceful way and get a good match maker.
this time date her first to see if she is what she say. :)
2007-03-16 04:10:45 · answer #5 · answered by Princess AJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arranged marriage or not, it is hard to feel like you are crazy in love with someone after years of marriage. You can see a counselor and take his or her advice - whether she or he suggests it, it's a good thing to take a romantic vacation together. Perhaps somewhere hot and balmy where, even for 5 days, you don't think about anything but relaxing, dancing and lying in the sun.
Stress can be getting to you from other sources and it all affects your marriage.
Love is not the same thing as lust but sometimes one feels like the other.
2007-03-13 14:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant love a person if it just wanst meant to be. No matter who arranged the marraige no human can force two beings together and expect hem to love another. Love doesnt work like that. it comes from the heart... you feel it. You sense it. It takes your breath away when you have it... you will know when you meet a person who you truly love. Caring about someone and loving is two different things. If you are grown and are able to be on your own... you have a roght to do what YOU choose. Never stay with someone as a husband or wife just because of culture or upbringings. Go with your gut feeling. Go separate ways and stil be friends.
2007-03-14 18:42:22 · answer #7 · answered by misspookett 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, you rushed into somehting you were not ready for. I you want to keep trying in this marriage, I suggest counseling. If not, then you shouldn't stay. People should date for a while before getting into this realtionship. If there is no love before marriage, there isn't likely to be any in the future.
2007-03-16 04:00:34 · answer #8 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why you need to get to Know a person before you instly decide you like them! tell her that you dont feel the same but be gentle cause dont want to look like a jerk. but also say sorry it took 3 years to figure out this and taking a chunk of her life.
2007-03-16 06:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by taylor w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your wife if she feels the same way love happens wether you like it or not but you cant force it if its not there its not there you might not be right for each other and you may be better off parting and being friends
2007-03-15 12:56:10 · answer #10 · answered by cwilsonhappylife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋