I am married. I got married at 17 yrs old. My marriage is strong but, we aruge offten. He claims that I am mean. I really dont see this. I have had a really bad childhood, he knows about, but I think this is to blame. I have no close friends. He is my only best friend. He says nobody wants to be around me. I really dont see this, what are some things people would do for you not to want to be friends with them?? I need friends. or do I?
2007-03-08 05:48:45 · 23 answers · asked by ~*Raven*~ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
What does he consider mean? I am sure the bad childhood is a large factor in what is going on. Just from what you have written you don't seem like a mean person (of course I am talking with you through a computer and not face to face), it just seems that you are looking for friends and people to accept you for who you are. If you husband has any respect for you instead of criticizing you he should be sitting down with you and helping you feel better about yourself and being supportive in you trying to find friends. If it is really true that maybe you have a bad temper or are a little harsh when you speak to a person, have you thought about seeking help from a counselor?
Some of the things a person has to do to lose my friendship or miss out on being friends with me is taking advantage of my friendship, always criticizing me over petty and stupid stuff, using me to either get to other people or just using me in general, leaving me out all because we don't have alot in common and being nasty to me on a regular basis.
Good luck!
2007-03-08 06:06:18 · answer #1 · answered by Important 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good for you to have girl friends that you can go out and have fun with, this will be good for both of you and your relationship's overall well being. Trust each other, and you are fine to be around. I'm sure there are lots of people who would love to spend time with you. Instead of arguing encourage open communication where both of you agree to be level headed and understanding. Give each person a chance to say honestly the way that you feel about stuff. Let the other person finish and really try to listen for what the others person is in need of or why they feel the way they do. Be supportive and love each other with all your heart. Be committed to the relationship and each of you also be committed to your own personal growth which in turn will ultimately lead the way to you guys being even more supportive and knowing each other on a more deeper level. Both of you will have a healthy life and a healthy relationship if you want it. The stuff you are going through happens in all relationships at some point. We say stuff that is hurtful, we blame the other person, etc. When you go out with your girl friends it will rejuvanate your feminine energy and this will help make you and your husband happier than you already are. I wish you two the best of luck!!!
2007-03-08 14:15:24 · answer #2 · answered by John Q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all maybe he is exaggerating but with a little truth. Why not try a therapist and see what they say. They would be able to help you to see any flaws you have and work on them, if you want to. To get more friends you have to go out and be involved in life. Go to the animal shelter and volunteer, volunteer at the local hospital, hospice or nursing home, join your church clubs, join an athletic club (volleyball is really fun). join a reading club at your local library or book store. When you get involved in activities you will meet people, some of these people will become friends. Try to join some things that your husband would enjoy and you two could do together. Also, sometimes anger/meanness may be a symptom of depression. Talk to your family doctor about this. Depression is extremely common and easy to treat. Good luck to you and God Bless.
2007-03-08 13:54:28 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to decide if you want friends, if you do, you will be entertaining, interesting, curious about your husband's friends wife/girlfriend, be interested in the people around you. If you choose to be more alone in life, which isn't a bad thing, some people enjoy their solitude, one thing you don't have to put up with is other's dramas about life, being alone can be very enlightening. If you are carrying baggege about your childhood, maybe you should talk to someone about those issues, and put them in the past where they should stay. I'm not saying it didn't effect your grown up life, it certainly has, I'm just saying that, you can be in control of your life and what happens in it now, as a child, you weren't able to do that, but now you're strong and able to defend yourself. Allow people to get closer to you, I bet you don't express your feelings as well as you might like, trust......I don't think it's good for married people to argue alot, those are emotions jumping out about unresolved issues between you two. Communication is key, understanding is required.
2007-03-08 13:58:57 · answer #4 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you DO need friends and not having any may be why you are mean to your husband sometimes. Believe me - if you have other interests that you can share with friends then it will only strengthen the bond you have with your husband. Spending time away and with friends helps with your self esteem and helps him avoid being smothered.
You may be mean sometimes because of jealousy that you are unaware of if he is paying attention to other matters than you, but don't take it personally it is natural. Don't let anything in your past affect your future. Live well.
2007-03-08 13:55:12 · answer #5 · answered by valdez715 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what makes you happy!! And you cant blame your childhood on your mean ness now it is an excuse...it is not his fault that you had a bad childhood ...i dont get the way couples work sometimes...like my husband takes everything out on me...but i am supposed to be the onlly one he loves...i dont get why people treat you like this when they claim to love you over anyone else!!
2007-03-08 13:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try listening to people, and if your marriage was strong you and your husband wouldn't argue so much. Maybe all you need is a little constructive criticism and to move on and leave your past behind, everybody has went threw something a little unbelievable. But in order to have a healthy relationship you have to drive on esp. if your not going threw it now
2007-03-08 13:59:49 · answer #7 · answered by keshh23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't believe what he says when he tells you no one wants to be around you. Quit using your childhood as an excuse for things, your an adult now (remember you got married) go out and meet people and be nice. It's that simple
2007-03-08 13:53:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you do need friends!! It sounds to me you're in an emotionally abusive relationship. You need to start an activity that doesn't involve him and where you'll meet some of your own friends. Join a swim team, a book group, whatever interests you. If he strenuously objects to this or "forbids" it, that is classic abusive behavior and you should probably get out before he ruins your life. I'm sorry. Eek!
2007-03-08 13:54:12 · answer #9 · answered by heehaw 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Blaming your attitude now on your past history is not cool.
I've known people with crappy history have a very good attitude towards others and especially loved ones.
You may not be able to change what happened in the past, but you CAN change your attitude.
2007-03-08 13:56:01 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋