We haven't agreed on most issues the past couple of years, we hardly ever fight or argue but when we do it's pretty loud. We both feel that the other has controling tendencies towards the other. We do not fight in front of the kids but they have to hear us. She is a stay at home mom and I work strange hours so our time together is limited. (probably why we don't fight that often). We sat down together 2 days ago and she told me that she is done trying to our marriage work until I show some initiation. Well, for the past couple of months I've been writing little notes and leaving them through out the house, writing little e-mails, calling her just to say hello. If that is not effort i don't now what is. Do you think it's because I'm not sincere in my actions because I'm not happy and she's not happy. I've almost lost respect for her over these last couple of years, not because of anything drastic but mainly due to her excessive attitude swings and aggressive style of pushing her point.
2007-03-08 05:41:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Randy W, for some reason this saddens me so. You have a wife and children and you can't make it work? Now your wife said that she's through trying until you start trying. You said that you've tried but not with sincerity. Of course people can sense when something is coming from the heart or because of a sense of necessity. You were doing little things like leaving notes because you felt that you should, not because you wanted to. Now think, what person in their right mind would want to be with someone because that person felt like they should be with them but their heart wasn't in it? Randy, can you think back to when you did have respect for this lady. Think about her positives rather than her negatives then maybe, just maybe you will find that you still do have respect for her. And if all else fails I'm sure that you respect her for being the woman who gave life to your kids. I hope all works out!
2007-03-08 05:49:33 · answer #1 · answered by little lamb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. It's tough to get close to a person that has a "chip" or excessive attitude, and must alway be right. She talks about working it out. If women want things in terms of growth of marrige they MUST do the things that draw you in not push you away. To have no feelings left just means she probably hit you from every angle that you could love her from, now there's nothing left. Marrige is suppost to be supportive, loving, caring and endearing. Where you comprimise and are never selfish to one another. Just move on , she will figure out it's her soon enough. That really shows just how important chemistry is too. Don't let money, or sex; other worldly things be your reason for marrige. Personality and Character, with similar outlooks on life is the only way to create a bond that lasts.
2007-03-08 13:55:29 · answer #2 · answered by shadycaliber 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me that you've lost that loving feeling... and your wife lost it a long time ago! I mean, the notes and emails were a great effort, but maybe too little, too late! From what you have described about your wife, she was not easy to live with either... I also feel sorry for your children, but they will have to understand that mommy and daddy cannot live happily together and that they are still loved by both! It is not because of them, nor is it their fault by any means... but they will have to be taught that they are always loved and taken care of no matter what !!!
Divorce is a hard thing to go through with children, but it is sometimes a necessary thing and everyone will adjust... I hope that your children will not be used as pawns in an awful game between you and your wife... and that they will be shown more love and attention too... from both of you!
Good luck, I hope you will find someone who you can be happy with in the future!
2007-03-08 13:52:46 · answer #3 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it means, you knew the relationship was over for a long time, and that her moving was just the final step. It should be easy to move on since you don't have feelings of lost love. Make sure you get what you deserve in the divorce, don't agree to anything that isn't written down between the lawyers. Settle for fair and equal time with the children, and try not to argue loudly, make it as easy as possible for the kids emotional health. Good luck.
2007-03-08 13:47:39 · answer #4 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu probably feel hurt for your children because thats what parents should feel when something like this happens. I feel that you both didnt try hard enough. She just put her foot down and said Iv done what I could and now you need to change. It doesnt work that way believe me. I was seperated from my husband 2 yrs and just recently got back together. We are going to counseling but its still stressful its always you didnt do enough for me yesterday or why dont you love me anymore. Its kinda hard right now and I dont really know how long this will last but atleast we are trying. Counseling is something that you guys should of tried first. Its not too late if she agrees try counseling even for your family. It could help. Good luck.
2007-03-08 14:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeap, I can emphathize with you. From our vantage point, some wives just expect things we cannot deliver, or whatever we do ain't enough for them. When earning a living is as hard as it is for some men, men just might not have the energy to do what seem to be as simple as tending to the wive's "feelings" and sensivitiy.
You know what, if it has to happen, it will happen no matter how many summersaults you can jump. Your kids are your own flesh and blood so they should take up most room in your heart at this moment. Fatherhood is delightful so don't give that up by any means.
2007-03-08 14:00:34 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the only thing that was keeping you together was the children. Because you have no hurt for the fact that your wife has left means that you were not fully in the relationship the past couple of months. Maybe you've both gotten older and found different needs.
2007-03-08 13:46:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both don't feel sad to be apart, just sad for the kids, I wouldn't see a reason to stay together. Kids are better off having divorced parents that can be friends than married parents who fight... People have NO idea what it does to kids to grow up with that type of tension, they don't want to come home from school, they sense nervousness and it really screws them up. They do know what is going on. Stop torturing them and get a divorce or start marital counseling immediately, for the kids sake!!!!!!!!
2007-03-08 13:46:14 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
shes trying to make your marriage work she needs more of your time and feel neglected take her out for dinner and a movie atleast once a week sit at home and eat dinner with the kids at least 2x a week and plan a day everyweek to do something as a family and make time for her in the bedroom at least 3x a week it's not much to ask for she is your wife for now go buy her a nice diamond necklace and take her out for dinner don't forget the flowers a necklace is like 1-300 dollars but shes worth it go get her back IF U STILL LOVE HER
2007-03-08 13:49:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it means that you two need to get away from one another... file for divorce and move on there is no reason to stay an raise your children in a house full of resentment an no love or respect.... remember what children hear and see they think is right and you do not want your children having relationships like this......................
And plz do not stay for the kids because that makes it worse..... Go file divorce get your visitation or full custody.. and find someone who makes you happy and someone you cant wait to see at the end of the day...........
2007-03-08 13:51:08 · answer #10 · answered by evil_fallen_angel41 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋