Please help me! I’m pregnant and my husband is on the list for Iraq!!! what do I do to stop stressing out???

Question

We just got the new that my husband is high on the list to go to iraq and I can’t stop stressing out.

being high on this list means that he is going, and there is less of a chance for him to get bumped off, unless there is a miracle or something of that nature.

On my last check up my doctor informed me that I had extremely high blood pressure what has never happened to me before, in fact I have always been on the low side. the doctor is very worried about this extreem high-

I know the stress is just eating at my body and know that stressing out isn’t good for me an the baby. I just don’t know how to settle down!

I keep praying and praying for God to help me relax, but I don’t know what else to do. It’s not like taking deep breaths or drinking tea can help me this time.

What would you do? Please help me!

Answer 1

I don't want this to sound harsh. Sweetie: You've got to calm down. I know that you are scared. I know that you are unsure of what the future holds. There are thousands of wives in the US right now worrying about their husbands too. I am one of them. Being pregnant only compounds the worry and stress, but you have to relax for your health and your baby's health. You are a military wife. You knew your husband was a soldier when you married him. Those are the facts of the situation. If you freak out when your husband tries to talk to you about it, it's not going to do him any good. He cannot concentrate and do his job well thinking that he's being a schmuck and bad man for leaving you. You've got to support him. You've got to be a rock for him and for this baby. If you need to freak out, please do so with another wife, with the Family Readiness Group or with your parents and friends. Please let your husband know that you love him, support him and pray for his safety. That's what he needs to know. You are a strong woman and you will thrive. Take care of your family and listen to your husband's fears, joys, concerns. Then say a prayer for him.

Answer 2

I'm an Army wife and currently raising 3 children and #4 is on the way. My husband deploys for at least 6 months a year. While it might seem like you can't do it without him now, you'll be surprised at how much you can handle with him being gone. First of all you need to think about your unborn child right now. I know it is easier said than done, but stressing out over him going to Iraq won't do you any good. It is what it is, and he will be going, but he will also come back. Have your friends and family ( if they're around ) help you out while he's gone. Join the family support group, connect with other spouses in your situation, they know best what you are going thru. Does your husbands unit have a family psychiatrist on staff?? If so, then talk to them, they might be able to help you out and suggest methods to help you relax and not worry so much.
I hope this helped a little, stay strong, you can do it!!!

Answer 3

Your post brought tears to my eyes. At 34 weeks pregnant, my husband's Guard unit was activated. This was right at the beginning of the war. I will never forget what I felt when we received the news. It was one of the worst days of my life.

It's very hard not to stress. It hurts beyond all reason. There will come a point, though, when you realize that you are going to make it because you have to make it. As I watched his convoy leave town, something inside me woke up, and I realized that I could do this.

Get some support. Find a church family. Ask about the family support services from the military. Don't be afraid to ask for help! People will understand, I promise. You will be surprised at how much people will want to help you.

Hang in there. Pray a lot. You are not alone, no matter how much it may feel that way.

Answer 4

You can do this, I promise. Military wives give birth and raise kids alone everyday. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and my husband will be in Iraq for the 3rd time when the baby is only a couple of months old. He'll probably miss her birth as well, because he'll be on a training rotation on my due date and his unit doesn't want to give him leave.

You need to accept the fact that he will be deploying, and start preparing for it. I know it's a lot of stress, but if you are having trouble with your blood pressure you really need to find a way to calm yourself down. Spend as much time with your husband as you can before he leaves, and get ready for the baby as much as you can before he leaves, so that he can feel a part of it all. When he is gone, write to him often and send lots of packages with LOTS of pictures of you and the baby. Find a hobby, volunteer, go back to school, get a job, just do something to keep yourself busy! The baby may take care of that part for you though!

I'm assuming this is your first deployment, so I'll tell you the hardest part is usually the weeks leading up to when he leaves and the first few months. When you know he is leaving soon, it's really hard to enjoy what time you do have together. Don't focus on how many days there are left until he leaves. Focus on making those days good and getting quality time as a couple or family. The last week before they leave is always hard on me - there's actually a sense of relief once he gets on the plane. Saying good-bye is always hard, and getting that over with seems like the hardest part. After that you can start counting the days until he comes home! The first few months of the deployment are hardest, but once you get into a routine on your own, and know about when to expect phone calls and emails from your husband, it always seems to get easier. You get used to being alone, as much as possible anyway.

I've kind of gone on for a while, but a couple more tips that I've found to be helpful. Don't watch the news. Go to the family readiness group (or whatever they call it if he is in a different branch) meetings, no matter what you may have heard about them. Chances are you'll make at least one friend there, and that's always really helpful. At last, if you really feel like you can't handle it, there's no shame in getting on an antidepressant or something if you need to. Looking back, our first deployment would have been a lot easier on both of us had I been on some sort of medication. I would have been happier, and that would have helped relieve my husband's stress because he wouldn't have worried about me so much. It may be difficult to take medication if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, but discuss it with your doctor. If you are really stressed or depressed, they can help you find something. They see it all the time in the military hospital, trust me.

If you need anything, you can IM me on Yahoo or AIM at this same screen name. Good luck with the baby!

Answer 5

Id relax. Id face the facts that yes my husband will most likely be going to Iraq. That's his responsibility. Your responsibility is to make sure your blood pressure doesn't get so high you put yourself and your unborn child at risk. Your husband will come home. All you need to do is realize that and the fact that you don't have any control over the issue. Good luck!

Answer 6

Wow. i'm so sorry :( No matter what we say, you're going to stress... with that said-- sometimes the biggest things we worry about never actually happen- so try to every day, literally talk yourself out of allowing yourself to worry about something that just might not happen. i'm not really a religious person, but since i've been pregnant, i've found myself going to church- just for the overly relaxing environment and feeling of peace i get when i go. i don't necessarily go to mass- but i'll pop in for 15 minutes during "off hours"- light a candle, say a prayer and/or just sit in the quietness of it. i happen to live just a block from a really big, pretty cathedral- so it's easy for me. if church isn't your thing, find somewhere that makes you feel that nice quiet peaceful feeling. i know this might sound crazy-- especially coming from someone who would normally deal with stress in a bar with lots of vodka! now that that's not an option, it has made me feel better- even if it's only 15 minutes at a time.

Answer 7

1st from a old army wife of 26 years WE CAN DO ANY THING!
I had 2 when dessert storm hit adn one was a baby on life support, born 4 months early. AS I use to tell the young ladies going through this, Its time you put on your big girl pannies on and deal with this, You will find you CAN do a lot alone, you will be amazed at your self at all you can do. Try to calm down stay away from the propaganda crap on tv and tend to being a wonderful mother to your baby, send him packages of love, baby photos recordings of the baby making noise and Honey it will be alright. My Hubby was always gone, It is not easy by any means, I cried a lot, I missed him so much, but it was a military family and to be expected. As a wife of a military menber you are his reason, dont let him see you week where he is worried so much about you that he is not thinking of his own butt over there... Be his back bone, Smile and tell him you are a Proud Military wife and let him know YOU AND BABY WILL BE FINE.......... Be strong honey and All will be ok. Mine left all the time, 82nd Air Born

Answer 8

I like what Smitty said (funny enough, that is one of our good military buddy's name). Once you come to the realization that there is nothing you can do about it, you'll be a lot better off. Will this be his first deployment? Are you friendly with other wives in his unit? If not, now would be the time to start building bridges. They will be your support system. I helped a couple friends through solo births with their hubbies were deployed. Deployments are rough on everyone, but its what you make of it. Write him every day, it will help to get your thoughts out. Start a scrapbook so he can see everything from your pregnancy. Best of luck to you hun. You'll do fine.

Answer 9

I feel for you. My husband is in the Army and may have to go as well. I am due at the end of April and as soon as the baby is born he may have to go.
All I do is pray. That's about all I know how to do. Stressing over it will not help. I've stressed so much over my pregnancy. I know it's not good for the baby.
I really hope he doesn't have to go, but if he does make sure you do everything you can to make him feel welcome. That is what I have tried to do. I have sent cards, boxes, letters, etc to make him more involved in my pregnancy. It works some.
I wish you all the best. Hang in there. :)

Answer 10

I'm pregnant with twins and my fiance is in Iraq. My blood pressure went down A LOT when I got really honest with myself and came to the blunt realization that there isn't a damn thing I can do about anything - except taking care of myself and the girls.

You'll be OK, he'll be OK, your baby will be the best thing to ever happen to you.