How do you deal with drama queens in the work place?

Question

I'm so frustrated with my job. There are so many miscommunications and no one wants to discuss things with each other so we're constantly being dragged into meetings to discuss hurt feelings or unravel gossip. What's most disappointing is that all of this drama involves women - the men are never involved.

I just want to do my job, but if I'm quiet and keep to myself, then people's feelings get hurt, because I'm not being social. If I'm social, then I risk being pulled into the middle of 'she said, she said' and have to sit in meetings and defend myself. I was sick and on cold medicine and someone told my boss that they had a problem because I wasn't chatty that day - I'm not kidding. This is NUTS!

This is so frustrating and it's pointless to quit, because a lot of offices have similar atmospheres.

So how do you deal with the drama queens of your office?

By the way, I love my job and I'm good at it, which is another reason why I don't want to leave. I just need to toughen up and ignore the chatter. Thanks for all the great answers!

Answer 1

OMG. Your coworkers are nuts. I will say this, though, I understand from personal experience. My advice is this, it is better to be thought of as not social, than to be pulled into the middle of their neverending soap opera.

And above all, don't listen to, participate in, comment on, or overhear accidentally any of the gossip going on. If you accidentally overhear, pretend like you didn't hear it. Then in the meeting where everyone is trying to unravel the gossip, say, "I don't know. I haven't heard anything about it." My experience is that this is the best way. If you have not joined in any conversations or commented on the gossip, no one can prove that you did or did not hear anything.

Answer 2

If your boss is a man, ignore it and do your job. He will see it for what it is and appreciate you for working hard and being above all that crap. Some female bosses might see it that way too, but if your boss is a woman who is in the middle of all the bs, you might have to find another job to be happy. That's what I did when I was in your situation 8 years ago.

I still don't know why most women can't leave the personal drama at the door at work. I've been the only employee for a lawyer for the last 8 years, and I'll never work any other way again if I don't have to. It's great!

Answer 3

Office environments are like people - Each has it's own personality. It's not pointless to find another job and give notice that you're leaving if you're that unhappy with the environment. One way around being pulled into "he said, she said" drama is to avoid discussing sensitive topics. Just smile and nod if necessary but don't give any input. Keep discussions on the "safe" side.

I'm honestly rather surprised that your boss goes to those lengths to sort out the he said she said crap and hurt feelings. Your boss is doing more harm than good by doing this, rather than saying toughen up!

My office may be kind of boring, but there's none of this primadonna baby momma bullshit as we all respect eachother's differences and discuss things that can't be misconstrued. We get a laugh out of eachothers interests but we don't take it so far as to be hurtful - For example I was lugging an engine in the back of my car for a week and a half, I finally got it out of my car to start tearing it down to prep for rebuild - I came in the next morning ECSTATIC that it was finally OUT of my car! Most of my coworkers don't understand much about cars but found my excitement amusing.

Answer 4

Congrats on recognizing that such environments exist in other workplaces! The fact that it exists and results in many meetings is a true indicator of the lack of leadership for your unit. If possible, seek a meeting with the next level of Management.
To that meeting bring a brief but concise record of your work perfomance, attendance, and history of such meetings. Such behavior from a "boss" is indicitive of a person promoted from the ranks and clearly validates Peter's Principles. Allowing such behavior is indicative of incompetence.
Point out that personnel with time to spare are either wasting company time or simply not necessary. To your fellow employees that try to "chat" or "gossip" , in a flat but firm voice state that this is a business and neither a social club or soap opera.
If you like your job continue to do it to the best of your ability and the rest be damned. Your performance is the truest barometer of commitment and ability. The other actions are garbage. Learn from what you are going through.
In the years ahead, when you become a supervisor, cut it off before it causes an employee of value to become frustrated and quit.

Answer 5

Be courteous and civil but then ignore them. It is better to have someone's feelings hurt then to be involved in all that drama. are you a nurse? Anyways, if someone was really your friend they would know you better and wouldn't get their feelings hurt. best to stay out of office politics even if it means people will say your unsocialable. In this type of environment everyone will be labeled no matter what they do.

Answer 6

I know EXACTLY what you mean. It never fails--every job I've had, there's always one woman who want to push me under the bus.

You have to be professional and stay above the fray. Do the best job you can, and let your work speak for itself.

It also helps if you win yourself powerful allies. Do a great job for the right people, and it won't matter what anyone else says.

Answer 7

There are lots of people who would make fun of the possibility of altering their destinies. This is because it believes that nobody gets more that exactly what is written in his destiny.

Answer 8

Ignore them.

Answer 9

Always think about others first.