I've techinically been married for 4 years but we've been separated for the last 2. I'm still madly in love with him but he doesn't love me anymore and is going to file for divorce as soon as he has the money. I don't want to get divorced but I know that there's nothing I can do. I love him more than I ever thought possible, even after all the emotional pain I've been through. I don't think I could ever love someone again. I don't think I will ever even date again. Does this change with time?
2007-03-08 05:08:44 · 14 answers · asked by bluestar 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes. Your heart will heal and yet you will never be the same person again. you will be someone that doesn't take relationships lightly and when you do fall in love again you will make sure it is for real, forever, and exactly what you want and need. I am divorced twice now and I can honestly say that i don't love either of them. I care for one and loath the other still. I hope you mend soon. Broken hearts are hard to heal but time will help you move on. Good luck.
2007-03-08 05:14:39 · answer #1 · answered by MOM OF ONE 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been divorced 3 times. The last after 16 years.
First, there are ways to get a divorce without hiring an attorney. I would only recommend "divorce kits" if there are no assets to be divided. The thing is that the longer it is put off, the more of your life you are stuck in the past and not in the future.
I think that some of what you are experiencing is very normal. But I also think that you are being somewhat co-dependent. There is life after marriage and it can be pretty rewarding! But you have to nourish that life. The way to begin is to find a new hobby. Redo some rooms in your house. Take up a new sport. Join a book club. You get the idea.
Treat yourself to something to improve your life and you will look back on this in a year or two and wonder how you could have possibly thought those thoughts!
2007-03-08 05:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like attachment than love. This was the case with my husbands ex-wife and my ex-husband. My husband (current) also had to wait 2 yrs to divorce because of the money but once he got it he ran to the lawyer!!
In my case, and my husbands, we both were not in love with our spouses anymore so it wasn't difficult but in both cases they wanted us to be a family, get counseling, all of that for the sake of the kids (same with my husbands ex) but when the love is gone, it's gone. When the bond has been broken it is VERY difficult to mend it and the love will never just magically reappear. In my opinion if you TRULY love a person you would go to the end of the earth to be with that person so if he really wants a divorce he does not love you. Why would you want to be with a man who doesn't love you? It is my understanding(from my husbands ex) that it can take many years, maybe a lifetime to 'get over' someone and move on. Do it at your own pace but don't rule out future love......that would be really sad. Right now you may feel really bad but with time it will get better and you will one day want to feel that love again so keep your chin up!
And just to clarify, we did not divorce at the same time lol. I divorced in 1998 and my husband in 2005 we just went thru similar situations regarding the process.
I wish you hope, joy and love! You deserve it!
Take Care,
Tori
2007-03-08 05:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it does. Right now you are going thru the emotional stages of divorce which is a lot like grieving the loss of a loved one. The rule of thumb is it may take up to or longer than your marriage to get over the person you were married to.
When you come to terms with your divorce, eventually you'll re-open up your emotions and start dating.
Everything takes time *hug*
2007-03-08 05:54:31 · answer #4 · answered by MJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never married but I have gone through a breakup that sounds like the one you're going through now. Everything changes with time, you begin to heal and move on. The thing to remember is you learn to live with it. You don't have to necessarily jump back into dating again; by all means take your time and do things you want to do =) It's not the end of the world for you even though it feels like it! I was out of the dating scene for a long time in my mid 20s and kind of got back into it; so it's truly alright if you don't do anyhing a long time =)
2007-03-08 05:23:43 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are too close to this situation to be able to think about it clearly - you will love again and you will be suprised when it comes. I thought after my divorce that I was never going to let anyone get close enough to hurt me again. I was done and it felt like my ex had taken a flame thrower to my insides. I built huge walls on my insides as barriers for people who were trying to get close to me.
And then one day I let them down a little and someone was there and he has not hurt me and actually suprises me all the time with how good he is.
2007-03-08 05:30:05 · answer #6 · answered by Ker Plunk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, it does change with time. If he doesn't love you, you're getting cheated anyway, but your heart will hang on for some time. Once you do find someone crazy about you, you'll wonder why the HECK you hung onto that dead horse for so long. TRUST ME! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but there's a reason for everything, and you deserve better. So, let him do what he's got to do, take your time, surround yourself with friends, keep yourself busy, and concentrate on YOU for a change. STOP making it all about him! Let him move on, and I promise you, something better is around the corner.
2007-03-08 05:31:11 · answer #7 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I loved my husband - I would have done anything for him, and felt completely devastated that he wanted to divorce me. I was depressed. I thought that it was the worst thing in the world. I didn't see much hope for my future. But the pain lessened with each passing day, and now I look back and realize I am so much stronger now, because I lived through something I thought would kill me. And I am happier, too, because now I have the opprotunity to find someone who will love me as much as I love them.
2007-03-08 05:14:04 · answer #8 · answered by Miserable 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it changes. how can you possibly love someone so much that doesnt want to be with you? Go out meet new people stop living in the past with the what ifs. Live for today and tomorrow, not all the yesterdays.
2007-03-08 05:14:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on with your life. Time heals all pain. You will love again. Believe me.
2007-03-08 05:13:28 · answer #10 · answered by hotmama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋