my marriage might be coming to an end?

Question

me and my hubby have been married for going on 3 years, but this past year we both have been miserable, we just recently started marriage counsling, but we both dont think itis going to help, we want to make things work because we have a child together who is only 3 months old, but heres the thing we dont agree on hardly anything anymore. w r always contradicting one another and we just cant seem to get past this. we do love each-other, are sex life is great, but its like we cant even talk anymore. we just dont connect like we used to, when we first go together we were almost identical but now as we are getting older, we r wanting different things out of life. any advice on what i should do, i have thought about leaving him, but i thats not what i want, i want things to be like they used to, but i dont see that ever happening. any advice on what i could or should do?

i am very confused right now, i dont want to hurt him and i dont want to hurt anymore, like i said i love him and he loves me but at the same time we are miserable, because of all the dis-agreeing.

Answer 1

Do you notice how that you said things have been going bad for the past year and it's been exactly a year since you first became pregnant? When your pregnant your hormones are all out of whack and that can change who you are, not to mention the stress a baby can bring. My marriage suffered alot during the pregnancy of my first child and it was hard to repair the damage that was done until 3 yrs later. I became distant and after awhile we just grew apart. it takes work and if you are willing to do it then it can be fixed to what it was before or even better. Try to catch yourself if you are feeling snippy or you don't feel like dealing with him, that way you'll be able to handle your emothions in a productive way. You have to make an effort... both of you. Spend alot of time together, become interested in what the other is interested in, focus on family things to do with your child and slowly but surely it will get better. If not then you know you have tried and it is time to move on but since you have a child please give it all you've got.

Answer 2

The past year has been miserable for your marriage because you have been pregnant for nine months and have a three month old. So many time people have a child to try and make things better which is ridiculous....pregnancy and having an infant is hard. You are one person, physically and emotionally drained trying to care for this brand new life...with no experience. You and your husband should really try spending some time alone every day...just talking...get to know each other again without worrying about everything else. Things will get better if you just wait a bit.....when your baby is around 6-9 months you are not quite so attached at the hip anymore and you can spend a little more together time. If you really love your husband...don't just give up yet...give it another year at least....see how your family grows....if not then at the end of the year you can think about getting out. Just remember he's having a hard time too...talk to each other about all those feelings you really don't want to...it will keep you strong together.

Answer 3

Okay ... simply put, divorce sucks. It sucks really bad! If there's any hope at all, you two have to fight for your marriage. Don't just let it go.

Unfortunately, things will never be the way they were. There's no going back - only forward. But that can be exciting. You two can put your heads together and agree on the future. Marriage is a partnership - a collaboration. No one person does everything. Together you write the future, and with a child now that makes it all the more important. Speaking of the child, that's a huge life change. It's most likely that this adjustment has thrown you two for a loop - readjust and continue to go for it.

For the day to day help, hold each other, just hug. Kiss. Put passion back into your kisses. You two need to get some sparks going again. The baby thing has made a difference, but it shouldn't be an end, it should be a whole new chapter in your collaboration.

Answer 4

Yes, things happen in life that can change the marriage and family. You have a child and both of you need to make this child number one priority. The little one needs a mom and dad at home. Next, go back to the basics. Write down what you liked before and what happened to make things change. You recently had a child, that can definitely wear on the best of marriages with little sleep or time for one another. Both of you need to be understanding of that. When you can, try and go out with just your husband. The baby will be alright with a sitter for a few hours. Reconnect. I'm a christian and divorce is no option for me, which leaves me to find solutions when otherwise I would have walked out time and again, and my husband the same. Because we stuck it out we are stronger together as a couple. As the years pass, things that bothered me don't anymore, because I let go of petty stuff. I used to want to change him. That stopped as well. We are more in love now after 23 years than we were before. We also have three children, if nothing else, I would make if work for them.Both of you need to look at yourselves and find what it is that you will accept of the other. Those things you can't seem to agree on, meet half way. Yes, it does take the effort of both and it looks like you've got that in your husband, since both of you went to counseling. I will pray for you.

Answer 5

All of us go through times like this. This is part of the "reality setting in" of marriage. It is normal and you will get through it if neither of you do anything stupid.

Of course you will want some different things. It happens. People change. BUT you can work on this together and try to roll with the changes, or you can fight everything tooth and nail.

The honeymoon is over. Your marriage doesn't have to be. I bet you you can still look into his eyes when he smiles and see the man you love. You can make it work. Hang in there.

EDIT DON'T leave him. You are disagreeing/fighting sometimes. Did you really think a marriage wouldn't have that? Compare that to a life alone with a new baby. That will be much worse.

You get out of a marriage what you put into it. It's easy to get stuck in routines, ruts, misery about piling up bills, etc., especially this early in your marriage.

Here's my suggestion: do something fabulous for him. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but make it obvious to him how far you went and that the purpose is to make him happy. Oh, and although crude, give him a bj at the end of it lol. We all know that's the ultimate way to make a guy happy. He will be a little suspicious, yes, but just ignore the suspicion and tell him you want him to be happy and this is about how much you love him.

A few weeks later - do ANOTHER something fabulous for him. You'll blow him away. Unless he is a total a z z, he will pick up on it and make efforts for you too.

Good luck. I wish someone had told me this 10 years ago....

Answer 6

Who said that because you're married you had to walk alike, talk alike, do any/everything just alike?

People grow. Likes and dislike varies. No one & nothing stays the same. . . This is something to remember that's extremely difficult to recall when your marriage appears to be falling apart. Change your view about your marriage. Often times we look at other's relationships trying to compare it to our own individual personalized views of what and how a "good" marriage is supposed to look, feel, etc. But just as with anything we have, if we compare it to someone elses long enough, what we've been blessed with, we'll fail to appreciate. **What God has for You is for YOU!**
Another thing, children, once added into our lives alter, rather bring out the real YOU. They make things that once didn't bother us. . .A real irritant. That which was too small to notice. . .Now too large to overlook, etc.
Stop looking (if you are) for a quick fix, Perfection, or even the right answer -- none of it truly exist when dealing with people. Start looking, however for your (your's & spouses) foundation. In other words, whatever had originally joined you together as husband & wife (prior to your actually becoming so legally) call on that which had bonded you. That's what really holds a marriage together, it's whatever initially made you say "I Do!" all else just makes it either worth staying or running.
Another thing you (& he) must quit doing is comparing today to yesterday. . . Everything including the chair you sit in changes! Your habit of comparing Is, is GOING to, & Will tear you, and your future together apart. How could you expect for things to return to how they'd been when you yourselves are older, hopefully maturer, with a child, etc? Life gets easier, better, more worth it when you learn to grow and adapt to change.
Anything worth having is worth fighting for & if it's worth the fight then patience and perserverence are a neccessity. Not every battle can be won in a day, some take years before success is achieved --

Answer 7

you should try having some type apart first, maybe a weekend, a week away with some friends...not the family unless they promise they wont talk about this problem. Try having some time to enjoy yourselves and then maybe you will then remember why is it that you guys married the first place. people tend to forget about the little things once they married and that is very important, try and think back things you enjoyed together and as individuals. Take it from there.... if none of this helps, try and end things in good terms for the babys future. You created another human life out of love and it should be kept around with love, don't be one of those couples that end and then use the baby to manipulate life for each other. good luck and try and be more positive, as a personal note me and my boyfriend have this thing that whenever we are mad or think we can't discuss something put it on paper and think of the feelings of one another if we do not talk about it. sometimes you have to force yourself into being open. but it works great!!! =)

Answer 8

you're both selfish and not willing to compromise.
you need to create togetherness again between the two of you. You want what you want, he wants what he wants. Maybe you originally just thought you're very much alike, but you're realizing that you were probably both thinking with your hormones instead of your brains.
Too late now.
You need to hear him out, and he needs to do the same. You need to find activities to do together. Find some activities that you like and get him to do them with you, and you do some stuff that he likes with him (besides sex).
Now you may think you don't have things in common with him, but the fact is that you can always create these things (that you two have in common).
If you disagree about everything and are not willing to compromise, then you should not have married in the first place.
Divorce is a terrible thing for a kid to have to go through. Listen to your husband more than you listen to your female friends (especially if they're the feminist types).

Answer 9

Sounds like since you got pregnant both of priorities changed. Babis tend to do that to people. You need to maybe make a date with your husband with out baby, you need to reconnect. So you have different Ideas of what you want. You'll need to talk and get to know the new you and new husband to see if you can blend two different ideas, compromise. Have you been present for your husnand the last year or has all the focus been on baby? You are a mother now, but remember you still have to be a wife, lover and a woman.

Answer 10

Marriage is about compromise. It seems that both you and your husband are selfish. Selfish enough not to realize that your child is depending on you two to make some adjustments so that your child can have a stable home.

How could you possibly want such different things out of life if you have a child together. At the very least the best interests of the child should bring you two together. If that can't do it, I don't know what to tell you.