Is a woman's diary an accurate reflection? How would you feel if there were 330 pages about how lousy you are?

Question

I read my wife's diary. I know this is wrong. Lecturing me about it is pointless. I feel guilty enough.

However, I cannot ignore what she wrote in there. It is pages and pages about what a jerk I am. She hates me. She actually writes that. I am an ******, a selfish jerk. There is only one entry that she says I was nice, and in that one she asks what could possibly be up for me to be nice. She was suspicious of my trying so hard.
She wrote that she is "so over with this marriage". She thinks I am leaving her soon. This totally shocked me. I actually threw up.

I remember some days and I thought they were great. For one, the whole day she has a smile on her face and then we get home and she writes 2 pages spewing hateful stuff.

I feel worthless. I feel like my marriage has been a big joke.

The diary says nothing about an affair, but it is 330 pages of misery with nothing nice to say about me. Every entry is entirely about me.

What do I do? :(

Answer 1

Dude, sounds bad. Sorry that you read it. It certainly doesn't feel good to read stuff that other people think about you when it is written in a negative manner. I would like to say that she was just venting one day but you say it is 330 pages...sounds like venting on more than one occassion. I would confront her. You have to be strong because she will lecture you on invading her privacy. She will most likely get defensive but once you move past the part that you read it the discussion, hopefully, will be calm. She obviously has feelings that you are going to leave her and she may be seeing certain ways you act as evidence that it is over. Some people read into actions and words wrong, trust me, I know. Calm down and be prepared.

Answer 2

First off.. Whatever you do.... NEVER... *EVER* tell her you read that diary ! You might as well end it now if you do. It sounds like 1 of 2 things is going on. Either you are a jerk, and your so much of a jerk you don't even know it. Or she is an unappreciative B!+ch ! (Sorry to say that about your wife) But I agree with alot of what the pther people said, you do need to talk to her. Just dont make it obvious that you read the diary. "Honey, do you think I'm an ****** or a jerk ?" Wouldn't be an ideal way to start it. Tell her you were talking at work with some people and they were saying how one of there wives went off on them and said they were all these awful things and the guy was shocked, cuz he had no idea she felt like that. And it made you think.. I wonder if (your wifes name) feel like that about me in any way. Then go on to say something like.. Because oral sex is so important in a marriage......... *sorry* I meant to say "communacation". Either way.. Good luck !

Answer 3

Well I read your other questions and it sounds like there are other issues there. She is unhappy about being overweight, she doesn't want to have sex... she sounds like a depressing person in general and if your other questions are an accurate description, maybe she is just one of those people who likes to blame every one else for her unhappiness. If that's the case, she needs to get some counseling (I know everyone suggests this but in this case it seems fitting) and find out what the real problem is. She could be venting. It could be that the only time she writes in her diary is after you've had a fight.

I think you should approach her about it. Of course she'll be mad, but there are obviously problems that can't be swept under the rug anymore. You're both unhappy, no use in pretending like you're not.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You have an insight into your wife's feelings, so now would be a good time to take a good look inside to see how you've been acting.

Maybe you've been giving out negative vibes, hence her reason for thinking you're going to leave her. This is a great opportunity for you to start improving your relationship with her.

It's going to take time and probably cause her more suspicion so, alot of patience on your part is going to be needed to get your marriage back on track.

If her writings continue after awhile to be negative about you, then confess to her that you've read the diary, and now is the time for some serious and opened communication between the two of you.

Sure, she'll be mad at you for reading her diary but, maybe it'll be a blessing in disguise for you both.

If you can't wait this long because you're so sick with worry, then have the talk now. Get everything out in the open and ask her what she wants out of the marriage. It takes two to make or break a relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 5

for instance- you study her diary? properly, no ask your self she says those varieties of factors about you. also she might want to write stuff like that because she isn't able 2 inform you the way she feels. of course the verbal change isn't there, because she writes it contained in the diary and doesnt inform you. and also you dont ask her how she feels, so that you would possibly want to bypass and pry in her own issues to study something so deepest as a diary. perhaps you both want 2 sit and communicate about the way you're both feeling. interpreting someone's' diary is quite nosey.

Answer 6

Well, at least she's not saying it or acting out towards you. Seriously. If it makes you feel better, a lot of women "vent' through writing all the hurt, anger and rage they feel in that moment. It's not neccessarily true, it's just to get the nasties out of their system.
Maybe she does think you're leaving her!
Try date nights and be nice (and normal!) as possible.
Also take her to a doctor, she might be depressed or a rage-a-holic.
Worse comes to worse, you can say, honey, "I met someone who wrote 3,330 pages about how great I am!"

Answer 7

WOW this is intense. I think you take this as an advantage. Here is why, you now know exactly how she feels so make it a goal to improve what she has written. And you know normally us girls mostly right in our diaries when we are upset or angry. I m sure it don't help much but... My advise to you is try to show her you love her, take her out for the weekend or something romantic. If you continue this she will change her tune. I don't thank your marriage has been a joke, but i would think they take work. I am not married so i don't know.

Answer 8

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - then it's probably not a chicken--lol-have you ever thought that maybe you are a jerk --talk to her and see if you can find the areas you need to work on