Can I have you do me a favor?

Question

Okay, I have a blog on www.brickfish.com, and I was wondering if you could read it. (And maybe vote). You see, it's a scholarship blog and I need as many people to read it and/or vote for it as possible. My account name is futurepoliceofficer95648. The blog is called Becoming a Homicide Detective.
Thanks so much!
P.S. Tell me what you think of it on Yahoo answers.

www.brickfish.com/futurepoliceofficer95648

Scratch thd last detail.

http://www.brickfish.com/futurepoliceofficer95648

Answer 1

Cara,

You asked what we thought, so here are my thoughts.

I think it's great that you entered the contest. But, I feel that you should rethink your essay a bit. I read the description for the contest and I feel that you be more detailed.

The description is to write (no word minimum or limit) about a place you'd work for and what you could do to help them. It also tells you to be specific and to tell how it needs your help and what you are going to do to shake things up. In 272 words, I got the sense that you actually have no idea what you want and didn't care enough to research it.

I understand that it's about the number of votes that you receive in order to get into the top 100. But, from that top 100, Brickfish will hand select the winner. You need to take that into consideration.

If I were judging it, I would think that you wrote it in about five minutes and didn't put much thought into it. In the beginning, you mention eight jobs that you wanted to do, and then brought up what you want to do NOW. You could say something like..."Ever since I was a child, I have had many dreams of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Now, at the age of 18, I know exactly what will give me the most satisfaction. I feel that being a homicide detective will...etc." You also call the job "stuff like that". That needs to be eliminated. You can easily go online and find out details about the job and use those in your essay in order to be more knowledgeable about homicide detectives. You need to be firmer in your paragraph about where you want to work. Although you don't know, you need to give positive reasons about hometown/small towns/big cities. You left out a requirement for the essay which is 'what you could do for them'. What CAN you do for the department that you would be working for? What dimension could you add? Being funny is fine, but you have to have substance behind it.

I also suggest that you type it in Word or Works so that you can check the spelling. You misspelled the words 'detective' and 'clichéd'. A detective is attentive to detail, and you should be just as attentive to details in your essay.

I think that you are very close to doing a great job. I liked your openness, and I did enjoy your sense of humor. Just apply a bit more effort, and you'll be great!

Best of luck to you,
Climb through those rankings and become number one!!!!!
Abby

Answer 2

Well, as a former police officer, I will be happy to do that for you. I just need to figure out how, so it make take me a bit

Answer 3

Some ppl are so mean, huh?
I tried but it asked me for a password. Can u provide a link?

Answer 4

Yes, but if you select me as best answer. Yahoo Answers is awesome!

Answer 5

ok i tried to vote but i cant cuz im not a member but thats pretty cool what you want to do. i wana work in forensics or csi.but not sure yet..... :(

Answer 6

Sounds like a waste of my time.

Answer 7

Pass sorry no time or interest really !

Answer 8

i dont go to sites unless i kno for sure what they r.. sorry

Answer 9

no this is spam and I prefer spam from a can not a computer.

Answer 10

No.