me and my husband are together since 4 yrs. during these yrs., he always took all my salary, decide how we can spend it- mostly on his family- was ok to me till i had my field job which i left before 1 yrs. and things were worst after that shouting, insulting and some times beating me. me and my family always give respect and love to him but his mom and family were never good to me- initially he was atleast understanding things but since last 1 and half year, his mother started emotionally controllig him and he is completely by her side as his father is no good to his mom he thinks its his duty to be. gave his mom huge amount of our savings- i said nothing. but now she tries to controll and harass me in all possible way and my husband told me if i can not make her happy better we separate.
i myself do not feel happy in this relationship and when i told everything to my parents before 3 months, they feel i should separate and they will support me. but i m still afraid-crying all day.
2007-03-08 04:29:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a good set of friends who you can call and lean on, get a counselor to talk through your problems with and keep you on track. That's what I did and YES it was hard and YES it took some time but I am finally on track and happy with myself again. You can do it too!
2007-03-08 04:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by T C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you've said, it seems you need to focus on looking after yourself, and building up your self-esteem. The very first step you need to take, is to make sure you're safe - if he's still beating you, you need to get away and stay with someone you trust (whether that's your parents or someone else). Don't let him treat you in that way, because you're worth so much more than that! One of the best ways you can do that is by going to see a counselor who can give you advice and strategies to work through your situation. Support groups could also be a positive thing for you.
It sounds like the only way your husband knows how to "love" you is to intimidate and control you, so that now you don't say anything when he does things you don't want him to (like giving away your savings), and you're too scared to think about all the consequences of what it might look like to leave him.
I think it would also be helpful for you if you look at the reality of the situation: He's not really loving you. He is abusive. You're not really living if you're in a constant state of fear. You don't have to make excuses for him and his behavior. You can expect better from him. You can survive without him. You don't deserve what he's done/doing to you. You aren't alone.
2007-03-08 04:57:19 · answer #2 · answered by Craig H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Preparing yourself mentaly for separation takes time. Obviously you know that you are in a bad relationship and that's a good start. You have to be strong and think about YOUR well being first. Don't let him take your money for his family anymore. It's ok to be afraid. But like someone said "Feel the Fear and DO IT ANYWAY". This is for YOU-for YOUR HAPPINESS. You are lucky that your family is saying they will support you. You are not alone. Get out of that relationship as soon as possible.
2007-03-08 04:41:41 · answer #3 · answered by luvmrtnz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O
2015-01-28 13:07:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't anything you can do to prepare yourself fully for separation/divorce. Just remember that no one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. You are only hurting yourself by staying with him. The best way to get through it, is remember that you deserve better. You deserve to be treated right. He's obviously not good for you, or your health.
2007-03-08 04:40:08 · answer #5 · answered by bluestar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a divorce. you dont deserve this. no one does. if your family will support you in your decision and help you out, then pack up and go. when people get married, heir spouse and their children should always be at the top of the list of priorities, it seems like you;ve just become a commodity to him. no use living unhappy. im sure it'll take awhile but it will get better, and the sun always comes out after the rain, and things look better, clearer. good luck
2007-03-08 07:21:42 · answer #6 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be afraid. In America people are treated far better than that by their spouse. If not, don't separate, divorce his nasty mean behind!
You ca find happiness somewhere else!
2007-03-08 04:36:24 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just believe in yourself and you will be okay. you know you can make it on your own so don't be afraid. this life is to short to be miserable. your husband has made his choice so now it is up to you. best of luck
2007-03-08 04:37:18 · answer #8 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was able to save my marriage thanks to my family and friends. I also read a lot about marital issues and tips on how to save your relationship. The ebook on this site helped me a lot http://savemarriage.toptips.org
Check it out it's worth it.
2014-09-25 23:04:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋