My baby's father and I have been in a relationship off and on for a little over a year now. My pregnancy is almost full-term at this point. We haven't been on the same page throughout my pregnancy and have broken up several times. A lot of conflict was caused when he started getting involved in some things that I was very much against.
Not only that, but I have a little more stability, in that I have my own car, house and a job. He's been unemployed most of our relationship and doesn't have a car or a place to call his own. He either stays in hotels or with friends/relatives that let him crash at their place for a few days or months.
When we were together, he wanted to use my car while I was at work and most of the time he wasn't doing anything productive (i.e. looking for a job). At night when he was involved in activities that I did not agree with he would have my car out all hours of the night.
During the course of our relationship, there were (cont'd...)
2007-03-08 03:55:34 · 15 answers · asked by Under Construction 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he would borrow money from me and he did not always pay it back. I will be the first to admit that I never should have allowed him to take advantage of my resources like that. At the end of it all, I just feel like I was taken advantage of. I broke up with him when I came to my senses. We still love each other and now that its getting closer to my due date he wants us to get back together. I told him that there are some things that we need to sort out and we talked about them. The first thing he asked was if he could use the car to look for a job while I'm at work! When I told him NO he acted as if he was so hurt and telling me that I should give him the benefit of a doubt. I still remember when he took advantage of me in the past and will not allow him to do that to me again--even if that means us not ever getting back together. Am I justified in how I feel?
2007-03-08 04:02:37 · update #1
I hate to say it but when I was reading your situation, it reminded me of that movie "Baby Boy"! How depressing. You have to put your foot down and do it NOW before the baby gets here about what you expect from your boyfriend. It was one thing for you to put up with his nonsense, but now you two are bringing an innocent child into this world who needs two responsible parents. And if this child is only going to have ONE responsible parent (YOU) then at least get yourself ready to take your boyfriend to court for child support. Believe me, it's no fun to have to take it there, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the child support checks to prove it! You just can't be nice to everybody, and it sounds as if you have given him plenty of chances to "straighten up and fly right". Let him know what your expectations are of him concerning your relationship and the future of your unborn child. Try to see where his mind is at right now and figure out what your next move is going to be. Good luck and I hope that you have a healthy and happy baby!
PS- About the car thing-you are the one who is pregnant, so you need the car more than he does. Plus, does he make any car payments? Does he pay for the insurance or the gas? Then he needs to chill out on that whole "whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine" crap! He doesn't have to get a car to look for a job-that is simply an excuse so he can get his hands on the car so he can go and hang out. If he was REALLY serious about looking for a job, he would have BEEN out there looking for a job. He probably feels that with the baby coming, you are going to be "needing" him and he probably thinks that he's got an "instant family" now and his place in your life is secure. DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!
2007-03-08 04:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by True Hija De Oshun! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me good. He is a grown man, he chose to live his life like that...he will never ever change...you don't think he feels bad when he goes to his friends and ask them to crash??? Yes he does, but he likes that kind of life. You like the way you live...and also, you will not change. Having a baby before both of you are sure about each other and the relationship...was not a smart move, nonetheless, its God's gift. Believe me you are better off without him, even with the baby...as the baby will not take your car and run all around all hours of the night...
If you have -- expectations of this man, and do not ever expect him to do anything or have any positive imput on your financial situation, go ahead and be his girl and do not worry about what any of us will say. If you want an equal, a partner to challenge your interest, to explore and to enjoy life with you as a family...then you must find the guy....he is not him...
I have been in this situation so many times, men and women...people do not change unless they want to...and why would they if they have us to take care of them...???? We must lookout for ourselves...
2007-03-16 04:56:33 · answer #2 · answered by Ariana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutly right. You have no reason to believe that he has changed, other than what he has said. He should prove to you that he is serious about wanting to be with you by getting on a bus and finding a job that way and help you and your baby. He needs to grow up and support his family. I understand that you love him and want nothing more than to have a family with him, but he hasn't should you yet that he is even trying. So continue to stand up for yourself. You are soon going to have a baby and are going to have to take care of them, so he is going to need to find out what is more important to him having fun or being with you and the baby. And you are going to have enought to deal with, so just stay strong and DO NOT let him walk all over you again!!
2007-03-08 04:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by tinytinkbell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations to you on your soon to be arrival and I must congratulate you again for being so strong and sticking to your guns. You have chosen the best action in refusing to let him take your car. Offer to take him to the bus line, take a day off from work and ask that he have his list of places to apply and drive him there. Do not let him take your car or give him money. I am guessing his evening activities are unlawful so you don't need to put your assets on the line. You are expecting a new baby and if he wrecked your car or used the vehicle to commit a felony who loses? You.... you are not being unreasonable. If he wants to work it out and be a family, he will find a way to do it, without mooching off of you. You are on the right track, stay the course! You have everything to lose, he has nothing.....and has nothing to lose. Good luck to you and your baby!
2007-03-15 07:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sugar, you are justified in your stand in this. Look to how someone has acted consistently in the past, and you will 9 times out of 10 see what this person is likely to do in the future. That isn't right in every case, but in this one? Don't get played again girl. The right guy is out there somewhere for you.. but you won't ever get together with him if you are still stuck hanging on to this loser.
2007-03-15 10:45:48 · answer #5 · answered by aralissselundel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If peewees are like crows at this time of season they are nesting with their young. And crows will swoop down over your head as you pass to protect their nesting spot. If that's the case then that's what happened. But I don't really see how those cute little birds would harm anyone, even as precious as a baby. That is a good photo. Later.
2016-03-16 07:17:27 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, you are justified in how you feel.
And pretty soon, you are going to realize that you have a real baby to mother, not this big baby who's been treating you like you were his mom.
Stability can be a fragile state - and you will be the single parent of a child. He should be the stable one: you are the one who earns a living and tries to protect your assets. He contributes nothing to that - and if you indulge him (like mom would), he could even cause you to lose what you do have.
So trust your instincts.
2007-03-12 05:52:59 · answer #7 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow-- you just described my life at 22... except I was married to him and he wouldn't stick around.
I fainlly realized I had a choice to make, and I boxed up his things and set them outside the door.
Our children grew up without knowing their biological father. They are now 15 and 18 and he has made no effort to meet either of them. As far as I know, he still doesn't have a job or a car -- but he porbably found some other woman to support him.
Make a choice to stand up for yourself. You can do better. There are worse things in life than your children growing up without their biological father in their lives... sometimes having him there just makes it worse all the way around.
2007-03-13 14:29:42 · answer #8 · answered by kelannde 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that this man is the father of your child and will be somewhat involved in your life forever. That can be the extent to the relationship. You are a strong woman ( you have a house, car, job, taking care of yourself and your child). You don't need him taking advantage of you. You are looking out for the best interests of you and your child. You know what you are doing is the right thing. Ir would be awful if he got your car impounded or have to go to court. you are the one who is going to be out of a car with a new born. Stay strong. Congrats on your baby.
2007-03-16 04:08:15 · answer #9 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really do not want your baby to have this man as a role model, now do you? It's past time for you to move on . Your stability will be shattered if you allow this relationship to continue, and it will be so much more stressful with a new baby. If you continue with this man, you will have two children to take care of.
2007-03-08 04:08:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋