Called me by his ex's name....?

Question

We have been married for almost five years. He has two children with her, and out of the blue the other night, he called me by her maiden name. He never calls me by my maiden name and I have never heard him refer to her by her maiden name. I wasn't really angry until he got defensive about it instead of apologizing. Am I wrong to be so upset by this? He claims it was just an accident, but that hasn't been her name in almost 20 years, so why would that name even have crossed his mind?

Answer 1

it was just a blunder...give the guy a break...it happens

Answer 2

It could have just been a slip, not everything is suspect, this coming from an Investigator.
Just watch for other signs, he should have apologized, men are so uncaring sometimes, this coming from a man.
The only time I ever slipped up with my wife was, I don't even remember what surrounded the conversation, but I called her doubt as a box of rocks, as it slid off my tongue, I knew I was in trouble, it was around valentines to make it even worst.
12 yrs. later every once in a while she'll bring it up jokingly, but man did I pay for, she got the works including jewelry, for my blunder.
Keep in mind I'm not that guy, I cook,clean,laundry,grocery shop,pay the bills, and have a full time job. The point is everyone makes a mistake once in a while. Some of us just except the punishment better than others

Hope this helps

Answer 3

I would be pissed, I wouldn't care if it was her maiden, married, first, or pretend name. A man should never call you by another woman's name. The next time you make love (if you can muster the strength after he called you by someone else's name) call out the name of one of your ex's name and see how he likes that.

Answer 4

If he's got kids with her...she's never going to disappear from his vocab especially if they are still connected through the kids. Guys are prone to make mistakes like that, but he should've apologized! (Unless, you didn't give him a chance to say sorry before you questioned him) You guys should sit and talk about it on a calm tip and see what's goin on in his head.

Answer 5

Call him by your ex's name and let him see how it feels, then pull the defensive act as well.

Answer 6

If you were just starting out, I'd say habit, but 5 years is too long unless he's still emotionally and/or physically still attached to her, unless he is the early stages of senility.

Answer 7

I wouldn't think much of it. He doesn't have to be with you, he chooses too. It does cause problems, to make a mistake like that. But after you explain how it made you feel, and if he appologizes, I would let it go.

You'll end up going crazy if you keep thinking, "why would he say that?" Deal with it and get on with it.

Answer 8

It really could be innocent. Peoples minds are weird, and we think of things so quickly. Maybe his mind was thinking of his kids, or something that happened a long time, then thought of her when he first met her, and it just came out. I've done it before with my husband, my friends, my kids, and I don't mean anything by it. I would say just let it go and try not to let it bother you so much.

Answer 9

It can happen and yes it can be hurtful, but I agree with TxBlue, if it doesn't happen all the time... then let it go. You cannot let something like this effect your relationship.

Answer 10

he just felt bad, it just came out; happened to me the other day and I have been divorced for 17 years; and with my fiance for many years...wasn't thinking of my ex at all, brain just crossed....

Answer 11

I think I would not make a BIG deal out of it unless it keeps happening.