My fiance and I love each other very much, but we get into fights all the time as we have very different personalities. I am a lot more emotional and feel that he is too insensitive at times and he feels that I am oversensitive at times. One thing that really bothers me is the way he reacts when I am feeling hurt. Basically, if I say something to hurt him, then he gets very mad and avoids me until I keep on apologizing and expressing my regret for what I said. And any time this happens, I do feel very bad for hurting him and I immediately try to say sorry and make him feel better. However, whenever I feel hurt by him he acts completely differently. If I become upset with him, then he usually turns the tables and gets upset at me for being upset at him. He always tends to make his own decision as to whether or not I should be hurt and then if he thinks I shouldn’t be, then he doesn’t try to make me feel better at all.
2007-03-08 03:41:11 · 8 answers · asked by resh12340 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel that each person has different emotional tolerances and feels hurt by different things. If I am feeling hurt by something, I don’t think he should try to judge whether or not I SHOULD feel hurt. Rather, he should realize that I AM feeling hurt and try to make me feel better. All that I ask of him is that if I am upset for some reason, then he should realize that he can’t be mad at me for feeling a certain way. He can nicely explain why I shouldn’t feel bad or he can realize he messed up and try to make me feel better, but he shouldn’t just turn around and become upset at me instead. When I ask him why he has double standards, he says that he is justified in the way he acts when he is hurt because I have hurt him that badly, but I am not justified in acting the same way because I am just overreacting. Once again he is deciding how much I should feel hurt by something and basing his thinking on that. Maybe hearing advice from someone else might help him. Please help.
2007-03-08 03:41:24 · update #1
You should stop saying things with the intent of hurting him. If you can't help yourself, only then should you appologise. If he takes offense at something that you didn't mean to offend with, that is his choice to take offense, just like you choose to take offense to things he didn't mean to offend you with.
It's a bit hard for me to relate since I don't have abusive conversations with my wife. If we start raising our voices, it is time to stop the discussion, and pick it up later when we are more calm.
You will never resolve anything while shouting at each other.
2007-03-08 04:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can offer is, two people who love each other should NEVER say things to purposely hurt each other. That is a total lack of respect. Yes, he needs to respect your feelings, but you need to also respect his. Don't just him because he is insensitive, just know that all people are different, and just because you are getting married doesn't mean you have to think or feel the same way about everything. Discuss it, come to an understanding to respect each others feeling and not say hurtful things to each other.
2007-03-08 03:46:28 · answer #2 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you two shouldn't get married; you are a bad match if you say things to hurt him....you aren't mature enough to think about what you say before you say it.....words are the most powerful weapon a human being has; once they cross the lips, there is no taking them back, even when you say you are sorry, the words have been spoken.
2007-03-08 04:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like either one of you love or respect the other. I don't see a marriage working here.
2007-03-08 10:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the way men and women feel. Women need to learn how to tone it down and men need to realize their woman hurts easier than they do. You have to come to a compromise or your relationship won't work....
2007-03-08 03:54:28 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he's being subborn. you need to let him know he needs to take your feelings into concideration. he has no right to tell you how upset or what things you should be upset about. you shouldn't always be the one apologizing. tell him he needs to be more sensitive and understanding towards you.
2007-03-08 03:47:14 · answer #6 · answered by firefly 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OMG---too much problems..just dump him and move on...if it is like that way now...just imagine what it will be like if u marry this guy...run forrest run!!!!
2007-03-08 03:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
sunbun is right... and getting married won't fix it.
2007-03-08 04:04:37 · answer #8 · answered by Mark 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋