What are some of the biggest downfalls of marriages?

Answer 1

10 Marriage Mistakes

By Mark Goulston, M.D.

In life and love, you may think you're supposed to always focus on the positive instead of the negative. However, unless you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions -- so that you can correct them -- your chances of staying in love 'til death do you part are close to zero. To have your marriage last a lifetime, avoid these 10 common mistakes:

1. Talking "at" instead of "with" your mate. Let his or her body language be your guide. When you're talking "at" your partner, he or she will tense up. When you're talking "with" your spouse, he or she will relax.

2. Tuning out -- instead of tuning in -- to what your mate is saying. When you mind begins to wander, stop and remember that what your partner is saying is important to him or her.

3. Forgetting to thank your mate. Not thanking your spouse for being considerate, thoughtful or kind makes him or her feel unappreciated and foolish for caring about you.

4. Getting defensive instead of saying, "I'm sorry." When you mess up, the sooner you sincerely say, "I'm sorry," the sooner your mate can stop resenting you.

5. Always saying, "I'm sorry," yet never changing. An apology buys you another chance. However, if you keep making the same mistake, apologies not only seem empty, but annoying as well.

6. Being repeatedly late. Frequently keeping your partner waiting is not only inconsiderate, it's arrogant.

7. Playing the victim. This behavior not only accuses your spouse of hurting you, but adds insult to injury by implying that he or she is doing it intentionally, when that may not be the case.

8. Jumping to conclusions. Presuming that you know what your partner feels -- and why -- without first getting all the facts is only going to push him or her away.

9. Badmouthing your spouse behind his or her back. This not only adds to the list of secrets you keep from your mate, but also tells others how little you respect your partner.

10. Thinking that doing something once is enough. If you only temporarily stop making the above mistakes -- and don't continue to monitor yourself to keep from slipping back into bad habits -- you're teasing your partner with changing. You're also kidding yourself that you're committed to improving your marriage, when really you're not.

Answer 2

I think some of the biggest downfalls of marriage come when one or both parties lose sight of what marriage is all about. They make their careers and family involvement a focal point, when the only focal point should be on each other. I think marriage is a very positive institution, and wish many others who go through with the actual act of commitment took their marriage vows more seriously and were willing to do whatever it took within reason to stay together. You don't get to play the field anymore, you are committed to one person, and many see that as a downfall.

Answer 3

CHANGING NAMES
Lack of Communication
Previous Spouses
The idea of there is no work involved in being married
Parenting differences
Money issues
Attitudes

I think Robin McGraw (Dr. Phil's Wife) summed it up best. Marriage is all based on your attitude, you decied if your going to have a happy marriage, you decied to have a good day and you decied how your going to be. The minute you stop working on making your marriage the best and decied not to be your best then you allow yourself and your spouse to be unhappy and your marriage to fail.

Even on my horrible days (which lately are more and more due to family emergencies) I still take the time to leave notes or call my husband to tell him I love him. If I don't have the chance to talk to him, then I e-mail him. If I am mad at my husband then he knows to always expect a letter (I call them hate letters). They are not blaming him but they lay out why I am upset with him and what I am feeling and expect out of this letter. That way there is no worrying on his part about oh no why is she upset with me or what did I do wrong now. When he is upset with me he jokes with me about it or teases me about what is wrong. Like if I promised to clean and didn't do a thing because I was taking a nap and he expected to come home to a clean house. Then it will be teasing all night about how I can't go to sleep because I got to nap all day while he worked his butt off starting at 5am. We have been together for 4 years, went to marriage classes and parenting classes while dating and after marriage. We have had a happy and wonderful marriage and our only big fight has been over his ex wife. Otherwise, I just write letters if I am upset and feel great after I write them and hand them to him. He doesn't use them against me and I don't hold items he has said to me against him, we talk and work through them. The biggest think I have learned is that in my case anyway marriage didn't really change our relationship. Other then new titles. So, if the relationship isn't working before don't expect it to be working after getting married. It's not a fix-all.

Answer 4

The answers I've been reading here, while true can certainly be resolved if one tried to. The only downfall I see is the loss of personal freedom, which is obvious when you think about marriage itself. While husbands and wives can adjust and allow each other some time to do things they each enjoy, in general, you won't have time do things you want, whenever you want.

Answer 5

The down falls of marriage are many. You need to learn to communicate in a non judgemental way but also be able to speak your mind and allow the other person to speak theirs. You have to make time for eachother. You have to understand that people change and try hard not to grow apart. Marriage is very difficult but if you love eachother then you can make it work but you both need to work equally to keep the marriage healthy.

Answer 6

Comfort is the number one killer of marriages. Once people get to comfortable they start letting out the gut and stop taking care of themselves as much as they used to (before marriage) This messes with physical attraction which messes with the sex life. Most people dont like to admit it but sex is a very important part of a marriage. The other important part is keep the wife happy at all costs. If she is being moody and jerky Do your damn best to make her happy. cause a happy wife makes a happy home!

Answer 7

BIGGEST: lack of communication. You or she get's hurt and holds it in instead of calling them on it. That builds up inside you and the next thing you know you are exploding. No matter how hard it is always tell someone if you think they have been out of line. Just do it w/ kindness.

Answer 8

People don't realize that it is a job- one that you have to work at and maintain in order to keep it.

They forget to love one another each day, like they did in the beginning. They lose sight of the big picture and often get too comfortable.

Sometimes they dont listen like they should. They dont praise each other enough. They dont place trust in their faith, or seek help when problems arise.

Someone may forget to say thank you, bad words may be said.

But in the end, you will have more ups than down if you just remain best friends with your spouse. Be there to support them, help them, learn to love each other more each day and dont forget the "i love you's". Don't forget to give each other "just because" gifts (i sent my fiance gifts to his job from a day courier and a cake- he was delighted- with a card that said "because you make me whole")

Smile and hug more!

Answer 9

- a lack of compromise; the ability to negotiate and work out problems.

- a lack of sympathy and forgiveness. We all screw up. What's important is to learn whatever there is to learn from it, forget, and move on. Holding someone's mistakes over their head is just evil.

- too much selfishness. It should be about "we," not "me-me-me."

Answer 10

You have to talk and talk and talk. Keep the communication going. Also, be honest with each other. Keep the sex going and DON't fight over money. Last,.... be faithful and always do things TOGETHER. Don't forget to compromise. You do things for her, even if you don't like too and She does things for you even if she doesn't like too.....within reason of course.