Can someone please give me good advice on how to get my life back together?please?

Question

My bf of 2 years just told me 2 days ago to get out of hise life because I was bringing him down. I am lost now. I still love him. I want to be his friend, but he does not want that. I feel like I can't go through life wiithout him. He was their for me . I only have 2 close friends. i can't even concentrate on my school work. Alll I think about is how I could have been a better girlfriend and not ragged on him about being a pot head and not haveing a job. I should of just helped him.

I always felt like he would never get on track with his life, but always hoped one day he would go to college and get some type of job. I feel bad for him. When I was with him I felt like breaking up with him but now that he broke up with me and told me he hated me I am crushed

Answer 1

You need to let him go. If you love him, you will, cause you only want him to be happy.
Emerse yourself into school and work right now. That always help me out. Talk to your friends, go out to happy hour or something to talk it out.


Good Luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like you were a great girlfriend, being concerned about his health and his future. You just wanted the best for him. If he feels that bring him down is telling him to get his act together then ask yourself if you want to be with someone like that? I know how hard it must be for you right now, especially while you are in school.. it's hard to focus when your mind is on something else. When I get anxious I go to the gym and run, it usually takes the edge off and clears my mind.

The only thing I can suggest is just focus on yourself right now, trust me, your boyfriend will be back and probably be begging you in a few weeks if you leave him alone. If not don't worry, there are other people out there. Others who will appreciate you and your love. Don't settle for someone because it is comfortable. Good luck.

Answer 3

I feel your pain. I'm going thought the same thing. Except for my BF was a heroin addict and I almost died when his dealer busted my head open. I love him very much still. And I wont ever not love him. And I was the best thing in his life. We went through every thing together. Unfortunately, he will never change and I'm not on drugs like him. So, this is the best thing for me and you. That way we have a chance to do something with our lives. I'm going to a huge university in the fall and hope to meet people out there. You should do the same. Your way better off. I mean you could just walk around the mall and talk to strangers or something. Get to know other people. And make friends. Find a hobby. See a psychologist. Take belly dance classes or craft classes. We will get through it.

Answer 4

Shoulda, woulda, coulda...that was yesterday. Now it's time to think about today! Today is a gift, hence the term present! Help yourself friend! You're in school...you've chosen to continue moving forward. You've got plans for yourself. Sitting around gettin' high is the choice your BF made. Can you really change someone else's mind? I think not. As far as being there for you goes, my guess is that it was because he was too stoned to be anywhere else. How was he there? Did your opinions matter? Did he listen to and hear what your heart was speaking when you expressed your thoughts on his illegal drug use and his lack of ambition? Of course you still love him, we can't turn our feelings on and off like a light switch and you don't have to. Enjoy the good feelings you have about the two of you, however; consider the way you feel now. Love doesn't let you feel this way. Wanting to be his friend and actually being his friend are 2 different things. Friends respect each other. Friends encourage and back each other. They cry when the other one feels pain. You are his friend, he's just not yours. Think about yourself just for today. Do what you need to do for yourself today. Then do it again tommorow. And the next day. Let your 2 close friends help you through this difficult time and be glad you have them. Your life hasn't fallen apart, your heart just hurts right now. As long as you can face yourself in the mirror and know your motives and actions have been sincere, you've got half the battle won. People say life's too short to be unhappy, I think it's too long to be unhappy! Keep focused on yourself and what's next for you right now and let him do the same. I bet your future looks brighter than his! Good luck GF.

Answer 5

You did try and help him but he didn't want your help. He is happy being a pot head without a job. For him it was easier to dump you, than to actually change his life to the better. Wow he really doesn't care about you at all, let alone his own life.

I feel sorry that you still love him and im sorry to have to say this. But your ex is a loser and you were not dragging him down. He has been dragging you down. have some pride girl and some self-respect. You can do way better than someone who is more content with being a loser than to actually grow up.

I know that women love to try and "save" their boyfriends or try and change them but in all honesty...you can't. people only change by themselves when they are ready. You can't do it for them.

It hurts right now but trust me. This is for the best, all that needs to happen now is for you to realize that yourself.


Edit: Getting dumped always hurts. It doesn't matter if you have been planning it yourself. Don't let it cloud your judgment though. here is what has helped me tons in the past with ex's.

Write a list of all the negative things about him that is grounds for you to leave him. Every time you start to miss him you just read that list, and keep strong. The mind has a way of romanticizing your relationship after awhile and conveniently forget the bad times. Its called selective memory. keep that list for those days

Answer 6

Well it sounds like you can do much better than this guy anyway. Try talking to your friends and go out on some girlie nights out. Dont beat yourself up about how you could have done things differently as thats not gonna make you feel any better or help you deal with things. Best just to leave him well alone, as if you are on his case hassling him to get back together or be friends he is just gonna push you away further. Whereas if you leave him to get on with his own life and he sees you getting on with yours he might miss you and get back in touch with you - but dont get your hopes up to high. Think once you meet someone else who is a decent guy whos not a pot head and does have a job your soon forget all about this one. Good Luck

Answer 7

Honey...if anyone needs to hear this..you do.

You are a classic example of Co-Dependant. This is a very serious situation since you are still young and can learn from this and avoid YEARS of misery!

The first thing you HAVE to do is go and get a book called "Women who love too much". Read it right away! I mean TODAY. This will save your life. Be honest and open with yourself when you read it. As a matter of fact, read it somewhere where you can be alone for a nice stretch of time. Write down any thoughts or feelings as you do this cause hon...you will be amazed at how much you are like your fellow sisters of Co-Dependancy.

I am not messin round here....get the book from the library, any used or new book store around. Don't let the title fool you and don't fool yourself when you start reading it. You need this book!

Three books changed my life and this was one of them. Once you have read it, share it with others cause I know your going to be saying..."hey thats girl friend so and so" and "aunt whosit needs this book!"

I have bought and given away a dozen of these books along with "The Laws of Spirit" by Dan Milman and a really good 12 step book for NA.


You can take a positive step to mold your life to your liking TODAY....ge the book and GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

Hang on!
if he is an Unemployed Pot Head you are much better off with out him!

Here is the Good Advice for you!

Love last forever but that doesn't mean that the people you love are around every day of your life

Remember the good things and throw away the Bad

you are discovering who you are and what you like so take this experience and build your dream there is something that is more pleasing for you in your future!

Answer 9

Girl move on! 2 years ain't a lifetime. I know it sounds harsh but you letting this man bring you down? You can't concentrate on school?You're lost? You can't go through life without him? You need to get a grip, every good thing must come to an end and I know it hurts but you are forgetting about the important things in life because he felt you were'nt worth fighting for. Get off the pity party!Go on some dates, hang out with friends, do your damn schoolwork, and when you done with concentrating on yourself take a few minutes and cry.Then MOVE ON one day at a time.

Answer 10

Honey get out of his life is right. YOU are TOO GOOD for him. He is a pot head, you did all you could to help him and it only hurt you. You can get through this and will. I know thats what everybody says but I went through this and got through it so can you. The best way for me was to just have a good cry then sit down and write everything I was feeling which led me to end up with some damm good poems and songs. It also helped me once I read everything I wrote to see I am strong enough to live with out him and I am a better person.

Answer 11

You have got to be kidding.. your are all upset for loosing this lazy pot head? You deserve better babe. Gladly walk away, allow yourself to cry (in private) when you must (it releases endorphins, that make you feel better)

Now listen to this.. the only reason you miss him is because he is the only one who was giving you any positive strokes (which were probably few and far between) You deserve better and there are guys out there who are more than willing to be in a true deep hearted relationship with you.

Now your duty is to grow some self esteem, study hard and keep your legs together until your real Prince Charming comes along (and no taking this jerk back when he comes looking for a little more ..... from you)