my husband says he is gay?

Question

my husband informed me that he is gay. we have three boys and have been together for 9 years. i am not sure what to do. i do know that i do not want to have sex with him any more. its just a huge turn off for me. any advise?

Answer 1

This is a big shock, so don't rush anything. Give yourself some time to absorb the information.

Then you both need to decide if you want to continue the partnership and on what terms. (You've lived together successfully for 9 years, so there's something real there.) It isn't uncommon for couples to decide to stay together in this situation. If the rest of the partnership is sound, then maybe that's right for you, at least for now.

If you want to stay friends with him, take it one step at a time and allow yourself space to go through all of the emotions you're feeling.

And find a professional to speak with. Friends tend to react from their fears in situations like this; you have enough of that of your own just now.

The only thing that's really changed is your sexual relationship. If you're good friends, you can help each other through this.

Best of everything.

Answer 2

Try and work something out, at least for the sake of the children. Even if you get seperated or divorce try to keep the children in mind. I'm sure this is an extermely difficult situation to deal with but you aren't the only one out there.

Talk to him, see what you guys can come up with as parents and then make your decision on how you are both going to go about this.

And not to sound harsh but he has been living a double life; get a full STD screen. Regardless if he or you were doing it with a man or a woman, you are now at risk. no disrepect but it is a reality.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Honey, I am so sorry! Listen though, it is not your fault! It's really not. This sort of thing happened to my best friend, so I know exactly what you're going through. The best thing you can do is pick up the pieces and try to move forward as a single mother. It's unfortunate, and disturbing for you, but the truth is the best thing your husband could do for you and your relationship was tell you. Otherwise he's just wasting your time and life! However, you may need to seek counseling, and your boys will probably deffinately need it. I'm so sorry for you!!

Answer 4

Hi, I wanted to answer this because, i currently live with, and am in love with a man, who was married for 20 years, and has 2 children. Maybe he should answer this,, but I know, that him being gay didnt just happen over night, and he struggled with his sexuality for many years. And I believe his decision, to "come out" was a very hard one for him. I cant talk for him, and explain all the decisions he has made. But, him and his ex wife have a exceptionally good relationship now. they share in the children, and hes a great father. Im a step dad too now. (another story) but, there is life after all is said and done. I dont think you should have sex with him,, he probably will be thinking of something else. Give YOURSELF time to deal with the cards youve been delt. Let him stay a father to your children.
good luck, and god bless..

Answer 5

I would suggest to both of you to convert your marriage into
an "open marriage". he will have heterosexual sex with you,
but you as a good samaritan will allow him to have sex with
men, so that he will not be tense. I'm sure that during those
9 years he had sex with men at the gym, public rest rooms etc,
but since you were not aware of it you were not upset by it.
So you see, your marriage can continue.
I don't think he wants to set up a household with a male partner.
He just wants sex from time to time with men.
Many times it is best to stay in the closet and to lead a "double
life"
Follow the example of Hillary Clinton. She has an open marriage
with Bill Clinton. Clinton in the end did not marry Monica Lewinsky.
Try not to be possesive/

Answer 6

First and foremost, seek therapy as a way to deal with the emotional swings you may have right now. That will assist you in coping. Also take care of your children. Any changes you make think of them first and foremost. One other note is remember that you cannot change anyone but yourself and you have choices in what you do with your life at this point now. Hope this has helped.

Answer 7

What to do?
Well-- the mariage is over, and any attempt to glue it together will eventually fail. You need support, he probably needs support.

This is why I &^%#(! hate people being in the closet. If he had been honest with himself & you 10 years ago, there would be a lot less pain for all today.

Sorry you are going through this, do seek counsel.

Answer 8

First of all Iam very sorry for you as this must be devastating,but do you know how difficult this probably was for your husband to tell you.Many people try to live so called ordinary strait lives,getting married,having children etc..in hopes that this will change their mind about their sexuality,or their feelings of homosexuality will go away,but they don't.I think the best thing for you to do is try and be supportive of him as a human being knowing that he is in a great deal of pain due to humiliation.embarrassment,and feeling like hes let down his family.You shouldn't talk about this with everyone you know,but seek counseling so you two can go on about your lives and still be supportive as parents to your children's needs.and most importantly your own.Find a support group.and please don't be mean to him.

Answer 9

Your husband is a bi , not gay because he has sex with male and female.

3 alternatives :

1) Accept him and continue having sex with him and let him be.
2) Divorce him and found another man ( he may one day tell you he is gay., just like your hubby)..you never know and that is life)
3) Ask him how he want to continue your life together. Seek a marriage counsellor help.

Answer 10

End the fake marriage so that both of you can move on. Trying to make a marriage that's doomed to be a sham at best work is effort wasted that could have been better spent being good, divorced, parents to your children.