Part 2 Do you understand what is going on in my marriage?

Question

I have already read some of the responses to my first question. Okay here's a little more info. I have been dealing with this for a long time. I have been trying my *** off. I have told him to go to a doctor. We have talked about this problem. Four years ago he found out a horrible family secret. His step father sexual abused his sister. I have been there through it all plus raising the children pretty much a lone. He is a teacher and football coach. It is either playstation or work. He will play these stupid games for five hours straight, while I cry feeling alone and not loved. But then I kiss another guy and he says I do not understand how much he loves me. I really do not understand, and I am pretty smart. The irony is I am a Psy. student at a major university and already have one degree. Please help I do not truly understand.

In response to c t, I never planned on cheating. I never even concidered cheating, it just happened. I very deep, it was not just physical.

Answer 1

You both need to go to marriage counseling. Sometimes when we (as humans) get to craving attention because our spouse is not providing it you will take it from the first source that comes along (your affair). That doesn't mean your marriage isn't what you want - it could be the thing you want most but it is not meeting your needs right now. You and your husband need to learn to be a couple, along with a teacher, a husband, a father, a coach, a mother, etc (you get the picture). As a woman we give, give, give to others (the kids, our parents, our in-laws, our husbands, our friends, our church families and often don't get very much back - when you drain the tank you need to replenish it! but replenish it with your husband - a night out, a long walk holding hands (don't even need to talk necessarily), ask him to give you a hot oil massage [warm up some baby oil on the stove or in microwave] and give him one in return) You need couple time but you also need your personal time (maybe you need a hobby - your husband has coaching). Volunteer at the local animal shelter or at the hospital, something to remind you that other people have it harder than you do usually helps to make you appreciate your life a little more. Check with your health insurance carrier for referral to a reputable marriage/couples counselor in your area, it is usually covered in your insurance plan also, with just the co-pay which makes it affordable! Don't delay! Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 2

I have learnt one thing watching my brother get seperated from his crazy super qualified nurse wife. A university degree does not give you relationship skills.
Though I can sypathise with you, he shouldn't be spending that much time on the playstation when you are around. Then again you shouldn't be kissing other men while you are still in a relationship.
I think he is more wrong then you are, he definately needs help coping with the news of his sister he would have a felling of helplessness and fell like an idiot for not knowing. Maybe you should talk to his sister and see if she can tell him it's not his fault it happened and that he shouldn't blame himself.
Maybe suggest that he takes you for dinner or what ever at least once a week and get away from the playstation.
I don't know if that is enough advice to help but I hope it is a start.

Answer 3

I doubt his problem has anything to do with his stepfather and his sister. I wonder how you approach him about things. Do you call his games "stupid" in front of him? have you asked him to set aside togetherness time for the two of you?Have you spoken plainly about YOUR needs? We men do not usually get the small hints that women give us, we are usually oblivious to the emotional state of our spouses and DO NOT like the guessing games and the "I shouldn't have to tell you" crap, women pull. Please speak openly, honestly and constructively to him. Don't accuse him, belittle him or make him guess about what you want/need. I think you will be surprised how far "This is what I want and this is how you can help me" will go towards making your marriage stronger.

Answer 4

You never know what u have or had until u feel like ur losong it or have lost it. Thats what ur husband is going through. It sounds like he needs to go get help for his problems before he can be in a real relationship with u.

Answer 5

1st thing I would do is GET THE GAMES OUT OF THE HOUSE
and 2nd what are you doing kissing another guy, So his dad molested his sister , yea that brings him down ,,, but he should not be playing games to rid his mind of trouble
I say sit adn talk allow him a hour of gaming a night and thats it
Lay some rules down,
It sounds like he is a little inmature to me... OR MAYBE HE AS WELL WAS MOLESTED AND NOT SAYING

Answer 6

Your husband sounds depressed and needs to face that fact. He prob does love you and is just so depressed (which can come out as stress or laziness in men) he just doesn't know what to do. Help him get help.

Answer 7

And I reiterate....your husband has a problem!!! Either ask him to talk to someone, or leave him,,,,actions speak louder than words....

Answer 8

You deserve the best and if he can't live up to your standards it's time for him to straighten up or go away

Answer 9

so you cheated on your husband cus he doesnt show you love... well you shouldve left him before you cheated on him.. and explained to him what you need .... not just go out and get what you want....