i have a had a good friend for 5 years now and need advice?

Question

problem is our daughters are the same age and attend the same school are in the same classes and her daughter would spend weekends every weekend with my daughter at our house. problem is now her daughter is talking about mine behind her back and my daughter is so hurt and confused, i brought this up to my friend several times but nothing has changed..problem is my friend is always needing my help with different things and i have always helped her before biting my lip and all, however this situation is really hurting my daughter and me of course for her sake, and my friend is in the process of moving and needs my help, noone else will help her besides her husband...i am really angry with her kid and we have talked about it but still nothing has changed what would you do would you help her move knowing her daughter is a monster or would you distant yourself for a time and not be there for her? i am confused i have always been good to this family

Answer 1

I know exactly where you are coming from. Reading your story, I felt almost like i was telling it myself. The exception is it was our sons and there was an age difference. Her son was older and bigger and bullied my son. Most of the time I would get on to my own child just to keep the peace and when I finally started taking up for my child she got defensive and said that it was all my child's fault. I helped her through a divorce, move, getting ready for a wedding, another move and then the wedding. After all of the time looking over her son's mean ways to my child and his disrespectful ways to adults, her and me included, she blamed me for being too over protective of my much younger smaller child. Not letting him handle things himself. Looking back now, I wish I had never done so much for her. I was there when she needed someone the most and now that she has a new life and doesn't need anything anymore, she decided that she couldn't handle her perfect son being called on his hatefulness. I hope that somehow you can figure out what you need to do before you and your daughter end up hurt like my family was.

Added: By the way. After our friendship ended, I talked with a couple of her past friends and the same thing had happened with them. She had allowed her son to be a bully to their children and over looked what he was doing and when the other parents had enough and said something about her son, she didn't need them anymore either.

Answer 2

You're a good mom for wanting to slay the dragon for your daughter, but ultimately, this is her battle. You can talk to the other girl and tell her that talking about others behind their backs is mean, and you can talk to her mother and ask her to reinforce that idea, but ultimately, I think it would shame the other girl the most if your daughter told her 'friend' that her actions are hurting her. Kids must learn to sort things out for themselves..Mom and Dad aren't always going to be there to swoop in and save them (much as they'd like to be).

You might try to set up a time when all four of you can get together and talk it out--tell the other girl's mom that you won't help her move until this issue gets straightened out if you have to--and then you and the other mom together tell the girls the rights and wrongs...and then leave them alone together to sort things out.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Honestly, I would not help her in the move. If you've tried to talk to her about your daughters and nothing's changed and really no one else will help her, that may be a clue to you too. She's probably like this with others too who have chosen to distance themselves from her. I honestly would do the same. If she asks what the deal is, simply tell her. You don't have to be confrontational about it, just explain why. If her daughter is like that with yours, yours will eventually figure it out and either deal with it or move on. Sounds like she's following in her mother's footsteps. Beware.

Answer 4

if she is such a good friend you would think that she would have sat down and had a little chat with her daughter .than got back with you and had these two girls get what out what is bothering them . you might need to back off from helping your friend for a while seems as if she might be using you and if no one else will help whats up with that ......

Answer 5

I would distance myself,,,,if your friend isn't willing to help you with your daughter, don't go out of your way to help her...Make your point one way or another....Stick to your guns...your daughter's problem is way more important!!!

Answer 6

i think that your daughter is more important to you and she will be there forever and you should take this oppurtunty to help her than help your friend