How can I get my husband to me more conscientious around the house with out being a nag?

Question

For example....leaving the lights on, leaving his empty red bull in the shower, opeing up a jar of sauce when there is already an open jar in the fridge, scraping his plate clean when he's done with it, not leaving cereal to harden in the sink....

We're married almost a year now & these little things are driving me crazy!!!! If I ask him to stop he thinks I'm nagging or trying to fight with him. I try to tell him we just need to be open and work on making each other happy and I try to encourage him to tell me the things that I do that drive him crazy, but he doesn't. Is there a nice way to get him to be a little more courteous around the house?

Answer 1

Ooh that a tough one, I feel you though. Something that I always try to keep in mind when my husband drives me crazy is...I should be happy that I have him around to drive me crazy. One day it might just be me and I would miss him and all of the annoying things he does. Pick your battles cause life is short! I know it didn't directly answer your question but I hope that helps anyway.

Answer 2

Praise the living sh!t out of whatever he does RIGHT.

Please, for your own sake, and the longevity of your marriage; DON'T nag him. If nagging worked, I would say go ahead and do it, but it will actually not only NOT work, it will drive him away, emotionally.

I'm not condoning his unwanted behavior. Concentrate on what works, though. NO NAGGING, okay?

You will have to actively change your mindset to look for POSITIVE behaviors, or you will not even see them when they occur, because your "radar" is calibrated to scan for NEGATIVE behaviors. Meticulously scan for the positive, and JUMP at the chance to praise these behaviors. Don't praise in a patronizing or condescending manner, though. Just tell him, in a conversational tone, that you like what he has done. Big smile . . . because you're CRAZY in love with him, and he really makes you feel good when he does stuff like this. [Life is AWESOME because your "baby love" has put the cap back on the toothpaste!] You get the idea, right?

Answer 3

Sometimes its hard to "not sweat the small stuff"; I understand little things add up- Try explaining why you want to keep a nice home; explain that it makes you feel good when he helps out: When he does do these things: reward him- even for the small things: Before anyone gets the wrong idea and starts adding comments: I mean reward him with a kiss and tell him how much it meant to you that he helped (etc).

Answer 4

You catch more bees with honey.... Trust me, married 30 yrs now.

How can you NOT nag? Just don't.

No negatives, only positive reinforcement. Men are simple. I'm not saying dumb, just simple, straightforward, easy. They don't do the drama we do, play the mind-reading nonsense we lapse into.

I'd say catch him taking an empty can or glass into the kitchen and sweetly thank him for 'helping'. Sweetly. A flirty smile, nice touch. Reinforcement. He'll catch on.

I told my husband I love to see the burly man he is, up to the kitchen sink lovingly washing the dishes. It was an honest compliment. Tell him that when the house is orderly you are free to focus more on him. Do this with your hands on him.

It happens to me, I can't think when the house is in an uproar and when all is in its place I'm nicer to everyone around.

Don't invite him to say what he dislikes about you. That's a girl thing. Men don't play like that. Don't you be wanting him to act like a girl. That's what girlfriends are for.

Answer 5

I think that both of you should have cleaning up time but you should have it together. If you both work, make it on a Saturday morning...give him certain jobs to do, and you do your jobs and both of you together will have a nice clean home. This will get him very conscious of being neater and he will think twice before he drops things on the floor, or does other messy things. But nagging? No it does not work. What will work is that you and him work together as a unit to keep your home neat. He'll eventually get the idea and he will want to be neat and cooperative because he loves you and knows that a neat house means alot to you...

Answer 6

I'm a married man with a wife who works as a secretary
while I work at home as a professional writer, author of
two books published by Macmillan - Collier, with three
other books in the works and already sold.
I am not a male chauvinist nor a radical of any sort.
If I acted like your husband I would expect (and appreciate)
having someone commit me to a hospital to get the quirks
out of my character.
Stop picking up after him, stop turning off his lights, stop
straightening out any mess he leaves.
Only take care of things related to you.
When his mess piles up, if he isn't brain-dead he should
be able to comprehend reality.

Answer 7

Stop trying to change him, if it you have a problem say " hoeny I would like you to be more conscientious about our home life and would like you to pick up after yourself immediately after your done!"

Some of the stuff you might win on and some you wont, so keep your cool ,and remember this ,there probably stuff that annoys him about you as well!

Your best bet for those things that can't change is to write them down on a piece of paper and then on your anniversary burn them and tell husband that these thing annoy me and I won't let them, destroy our marriage.

Do that every anniversary in fact .
The wife and I do it and it's great to get rid of baggage.

Answer 8

Don't turn the lights off for him and don't clean his plate or pick up after him. Just concentrate on your stuff. Sooner or later he will get tired of seeing all of his stuff laying on the floor or having nothing to wear because his laundry wasn't done and he will soon get the point.

Answer 9

wow, he sounds like a real slob. i don't see how asking him to pick up is considered nagging.

i suggest that you approach him in a good mood and then propose that you divide up the chores. use positive reinforcement and do it when you know he'll be more likely to agree.

if he starts falling behind on his work, you should do the same thing. in the meantime the house will turn mess, but you have to stick to your guns and just do enough work to address your own needs. he'll get the hint, and this could be the only way to get him off his lazy behind without nagging.

Answer 10

You could just go on strike. I may have to do that myself one of these days. We both work full time 40 hour a week jobs, but I do ALL the house work. I'm tired.