I am very confused. I have been married for 7 yrs now. We have a 4 yr old son. About 3 yrs ago, my wife to me she doesnt love me the way a wife should. We VERY SELDOM have sex. However, she is fine just living together. I know she isnt cheating. She is home every non-working hour. We never really fight, but I am tired of having a room mate. I cant stand the thought of my little boy having to be from a broken marriage. What should I do? Live the rest of my life as a room mate?
2007-03-08 01:58:05 · 19 answers · asked by me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And, she will not go to counseling.
2007-03-08 02:00:12 · update #1
WOW, this hits home. I was married 25 years and got comfortable in my marriage. So, comfortable that we to were living as room mates. WOW.. I wish I had an answer. I said the same thing to my ex and lived the same way. Let me tell you that when your a mother and a wife and work outside the home and the doer of EVERYTHING its really easy to start letting things slide, and unfortunately its the husband. I found out after I divorced him (because he was cheating) that I really did love him and that I wish I had given him more attention.
Will she go to counseling? Have you ever thought about getting a baby sitter? planning a NICE romantic night out? Not sure if it will work for you didn't for us. YOU just have to find a way to get through to her. Maybe after the babies in bed give her a foot rub and tell her how much you miss the old days of hugging and kissing. And just remind her of the times she did feel love for you.
I wish I had the answer for you, because 25 years of my life and a new home and family went down the drain.
Just DONOT go to cheating. It will not do anything but add to the problem....
I wish I knew the answer.....
2007-03-08 02:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by txO3blueeyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being an absolute failure at this.....I think I might understand where she's at. She's working, a mom, and even with what you said....she's not out fooling around or drinking with the girls etc. There's just no sex and she doesn't feel she loves you the way a wife should.
I went through that. I was always giving and then there got to a point where there just wasn't anything left. I didn't want to be close to my ex because it was just one more person wanting something from me. I'm not saying you do this....but my ex never touched me unless sex was expected. We worked like a well oiled machine the rest of the time. So....I prefered no contact at all because with all the good we were doing.....it was just a reminder where I was a failure. He was a good man...great father.....I just couldn't. But he found someone else before I could work through whatever it was. They have sex and fight about everything are in a more hostile place than we were.
I know sex is an important part....but sometimes I think they make it to be too much. People go through phases. Remember good times and bad? Maybe this is one of those bad times. Your feelings eb and flow throughout a relationship as well. It's not all sunshine and roses. I mean there's times with my now husband I could strangle him.......months where I wonder why on earth I ever married him. We're on a long, dry, "room-mate" phase as well. But when you talk to people who have a long term relationship.....they all had them.......they just rode them out. I never got the chance to "ride it out" and see what was on the other side.
I mean as long as she's not physically abusive or destroying your life or your childs in another way.......why not try and ride it out to see what's on the other side? Take that suggestion and plan a nice get-a-way weekend as a "lets get to know each other.....first date....no mandate for sex" time together.
My divorce did hurt my kids. We weren't having sex but they weren't old enough or even cared about that. As far as they knew....we were a family. We functioned as a good family. It wasn't a hostile environment at all. It was just cold in the bedroom. They may understand now.....but it sure crushed them. They may have understood it better if there were fights and such. But there wasn't. Even if cupid wasn't flying...respect was, as well as a great amount of love for those kids. Now.....what they think is even when it seems things are good.....you can still have your life torn apart. I wish I could do it all over and I'm sure he does as well. It would have been worth it not to tear their life apart just for sex...especially since the rest was working.
2007-03-08 10:47:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has no need for a relationship except for roommate style I would be honest and say I can't have a marraige like this. First have a talk with her on why she does not want to have sex could it be something physical, mental? if that is not the case consider your feelings and what is right for you and your child. Does he deserve to have both parents living in a home where there is no affection and they are only staying together for his sake. Sooner or later the fights will start as the resentment builds and where does that then leave your little boy.
2007-03-08 11:08:52 · answer #3 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling ,and try and win her Hand again.
Are you sure she not having an Affair most affairs 80%, happen in work place you need to know up front if this is case before you try anything or if there was an affair neither of you have anything to loose at this point in marriage so ask and tell her it okey to be honest with you, just get it of your chest and we can make responsible derisions together about the rest of your marriage... Ask for complete honesty and you will to likewise.
You need to find out what she needs and try and fulfill them.
A room mate is not to bad though because you can always try and find her heart.
2007-03-08 10:18:50 · answer #4 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two talk and there doesn't seem to be a way of reigniting that spark then you should separate. You are NOT doing your son a favor by staying in the relationship. He may be upset now, but as he gets older he will understand. If you stay, your son will grow up thinking that that is what a marriage should be and you don't want to ruin his chances at a happy future. Children learn what they live. Watch Dr Phil sometime or read one of his books. He is a miracle worker.
Oh yeah, and take it from a woman, once she has made up her mind that she doesnt love you, or if she decides she wants to leave, it is pretty hard for her to change her mind. It is just too hard to get the feelings back.
2007-03-08 10:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by melissac723 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Spice up your marriage. This is the only way you two can spark it up like it used to be before. Marriages tend to be sort of routine after a couple of years. Try surprising your wife with a dinner, flowers....or even chocolate and if she asks why? just tell her that you miss her and loves her. She is obviously committed to you, but motherhood duties kind of grow on mothers too that they forget about themselves and just think of their children. Buy her a nice dress and ask her out. Tell her she looks beautiful today. These nice things will make her think of things she can do for you too.
Keep on doing this. Communicate alot with her ask her about work, what did she do today.... let her feel she is cared about.
If this still doesn't work (hopefully it will), you two should have a serious talk or go to marriage councelling to help you figure out what to do.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-08 10:14:56 · answer #6 · answered by peachy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have two options; you can stay until your son grows up, or leave this loveless marriage. Your wife was cruel into telling you she does not love you as a wife should. What purpose in telling you that did that serve other than to hurt you. You need to think of what you want out of life. You can always see your son. Let him know your love for him will always be even if the marriage does end. Best of luck to you!
2007-03-08 10:09:43 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are in a tough spot. Tell your wife that you miss making love to her, and that you are unwilling to live in a marriage with no physical side, and you want to talk to a professional about it so that you can both see what's wrong, and not make it her fault. She may hate sex for some reason, or have a hang up she needs to talk about.
And go to a strip club this weekend.
2007-03-08 10:47:48 · answer #8 · answered by Year of the Monkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a huge mistake to stay in a marriage solely for the child(ren). They learn from their parents and what they observe will be a big determining factor for how they conduct their own relationships when they're older. If your wife refuses counseling and you are both not content as a couple, you should at least go to counseling for yourself. It might influence her to go, especially if you don't nag her about it. If it doesn't, you're a step ahead and you will figure out with some time what path you should take for yourself. Good luck.
2007-03-08 10:09:30 · answer #9 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How is a wife suppose to love her husband?
Marriage should not be based on sex. Your wife probably be going through a thing right now who knows. Ask her what is it she wants to do, how is she feeling, etc. I believe there's still something there, be patient with her but in the meantime, you need to pray and ask God what it is that you need to change about yourself to make your marriage work. Divorce is nothing but defeat and allowing the enemy control of your life.
------ Seek God -----
2007-03-08 10:20:55 · answer #10 · answered by wisdom_women 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋