help i dont love my husband?

Question

i dont think i love my husband anymore we have only been married for 4 months but we have been together for 3 years and have a 1 year old baby what do you think i should do

Answer 1

You have just had a baby a year ago plus I'm sure there was stress involved with planning the wedding maybe your a bit overwhelmed or perhaps there is a bit of a come down after the wedding. Being a new parent can be stressful, have you given up work or made any other major change in your life to accommdiate the baby? Sometimes when your under pressure women tend to look at their husbands and feel resentful because it seems their lives haven't changed as much as the mothers. Or that they don't understand how much hard work is involved with the baby and how isolated you can feel as a mother. I don't know if that is the case with you but you must look at everything in your life and then talk to your husband to see if there is something you both can do to make it work. Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, what do you consider love? If it's the sweaty palms, can't function kind of love, then that's what a psychologist, Dr. Gary Chapman, calls love obsession. He says that many couples enjoy that type, but it only lasts about two years. Fortunately, it wears off because we're pretty useless during that period.

Dr. Chapman says that those two years are most likely a chance to develop deeper, more lasting feelings of love - something to carry us beyond the love obsession into deeper love. A love that cares more about the other person than ourselves.

It may be that what you felt before was the love obsession, and perhaps when it wore off you felt that there was nothing else there. Dr. Chapman also warns against becoming addicted to this love obsession. Some people chase it, thinking it's what real love is supposed to feel like. It may be that you think that those intense feelings are all that love is and now that they've cooled a bit, you think that you no longer love your husband.

Help? Begin to spend more time doing things together that you both like. If you don't know what that is, then find a couple of them and do them. Spend some quiet time alone together, where both of you can just be together. Cuddle. Hug. And never stop kissing. Believe it or not it's the most intimate thing that you do together. It brings you eye-to-eye, into one anothers most intimate of personal spaces, and make'em passionate. That will most definitely get some of the fire back.

Another idea, have someone keep your child for a couple of days and kidnap your husband. Take him to a hotel and be those crazy kids you were when you first met (vacation sex is the best!!).

Good luck!!

Answer 3

What has happened that has caused you to feel this way? I think maybe it's just a "cold feet" kinda thing. You have been together for a while, but had some freedom because you weren't married. But now after 3 months being married has finally hit you. That freedom is gone and it just sounds like that is bothering you. You just have to focus on the positive parts about being married, and all of those negative thoughts (which I'm sure alot of people have) will leave your mind. Seek out happiness in your situation, not unhappiness. If you only look for the bad, that is all you will find and you will feel trapped, and a get a strong urge to flee! Not everyone is perfect. Of course there are going to be times when your husband is not your favorite person. A good marriage takes work, and a great marriage takes time and backbreaking efforts. But the reward of a close relationship is totally worth it! I don't know where I would be if I wasn't with my husband!

Answer 4

The way you're feeling is more common than you'd probably think. You have a 1 year old baby to look after & the reality of being married is setting in & it scares you to think this is it, this is the rest of your life all planned out for you. Talk to your husband or a close friend or family member & explain how you are feeling. You can probably get through this with some help. Perhaps you could go to a marriage guidance counsellor together. I wouldn't give up on your marriage without trying to make it work. Often things have to be worked out, it doesn't always happen without effort, communication & compromise. Relationships can be hard work. Good luck, I'm sure everything will work out well for you.

Answer 5

You really need to seriously think about the way you are feeling. You have a baby together and granted the relationship has changed alot since bringing a child into it. Might just be that your baby is taking up a lot of your time and energy and maybe you are resenting him because it may seem that he has a life and you dont. Your question depends largely on how much you would like to stay together or split, your mind is probably already made up. All I can suggest is maybe taking time out so you both can spend quality adult time together. Start dating each other again, going out doing what you did before your baby came along, like once a month or something. The saying is true "you dont realise what you have until it is gone"

Answer 6

I'd say work on it before giving up. Did you know that most failed marriages do so within the first 2 years? Couples who manage to work through their problems and get through the first two years tend to have a much greater chance of making it through.

Contact Relate for some help and advice. It could simply be a case of the marriage not living up to your expectations. Lots of us have this magic belief that marriage does mystical things to a relationship. However when we realise it doesn't we can feel short-changed and forget why we loved the person in the first place.

Relate is a useful source of information, provides counselling and literature for you to read.

Although I'm not advocating staying together if you're totally unhappy, I do think people give up a little too easy sometimes these days. You might just need a little help reminding yourselves of why you fell in love in the first place.

http://www.relate.org.uk/

Answer 7

How do you feel deep inside, you say you don't love him, first of all sit down and look at your life to see if there is any issues like money the baby look for a solution to find out why you think this, you been with him for 3 years did you love him before you married if so well i think what has happened the commitment has been made and that and your thinking this is all that left look for signs in yourself first, you must try a bring the spark back that you had before, i would tell him i need a bit more in life go on days out or weekends a way think to see what you can really do with your life vruce it up a bit at the moment you have negative thoughts get them out do something different find a hobby anything if you just sitting in the house thinking these bad things i would consider doing something about this

Answer 8

Marriage should not be based on love, it should be based on commitment. No matter how good of a husband you have or how good of a wife you are, there are going to be mornings when you wake up and you're exausted from life and feel neglected and are fighting and you just don't feel like you love each other. And, no matter how terrible of a man he is or how terrible of a woman you are, there are going to be mornings when you've both done something great for each other and the magic feels new and you haven't seen each other in a while and you will feel madly in love.

Example #1: My parents have been married for nearly forty years (maybe more than forty, I can't keep track... it's almost like it changes every year) and love each other deeply, they've been through thick and thin, raised two sons, one of whom almost died at nine years old, they've survived floods and bankruptcy, and never wavered in their love for each other......... except when my dad wanted to start his own buisiness when I was a senior in high school. He slept on the couch for a month. It turned out to be a good thing, but it was something he did completely without the support of my mother.

Example #2: My wife's father cheated on his mother, was verbally abusive, was a drug dealer out of their house, cost her thousands of dollars in legal fees, kicked my wife and her mother out when my wife was two, didn't contact them for ten years, then started a legal battle to try and take my wife back, puts my mother in law down all the time, is still a playboy and a general jerk, and of course after all that, my mother in law hates him............ except every now and then he'll say something and you can see her heart melt, and you can see that she (for just a minute) loves him all over again.

I think a marriage based only on love is doomed to failure, because love comes and goes.

Answer 9

Could it be possible that the stress of having a young child is preventing the two of you from spending adequate time together, therefore making you feel as though you don't really love him. Also when you have a young child, it is often very hard to divide the love up equally and often enough you end up feeling overwhelming love for your child and then leaving your partner out in the cold. Are you sure you don't mean 'in love', because being in love with someone and just loving someone are two completely different things. You are usually 'in love' at the beginning, this then dwindles down to just love.

Answer 10

It;s not always moonlight ans roses, maybe things have just gone off the boil. How would you feel if someone told you that you could never see him again? You need to talk to him, spend some quality time alone together (without baby) and try and rekindle the romance, failing that get counselling. Don't give up, marriages have to be fought for, they're not meant to be easy .