Ok, we have only been married for 7 months and were already going to marriage counsling...
we went one time together and the lady took him aside for 20 minutes and when I came back in she said" ok, the picture has been painted very clear here and this is what's going to happen"
She recommended that I see her twice a week and then my husband should follow up with us TODAY! Well, I had a chance to get a lot out...the last two times have been ok but I'm freaking out about going today with my husband! I told my husband that I'm going to be very honest when I'm in there and he's going to HATE me more when we leave there! I feel like it's a no win situation. I feel like we both have a lot of controll issues. I can't even say ONE sentence and he cuts me off and tells me I'm wrong, or that not logical, or now he just walked in and said "He can't go to counsling" I guess work is too important...
What should I do? I'm so unhappy and so is he! I think were past the point of fixing this!
2007-03-08 01:44:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's up to you both to decide whether it's too late to fix things, and it takes two to make it work. You both need to make it a priority to work on the issues. If one of you isn't trying, it wont work. Just ask him when it will be convenient for him and go yourself today. If you both love each other, counseling might hurt some, but in the long run it will help if you both are making the necessary efforts. If you aren't getting anywhere with counseling after a few months, it might be time to consider the quality of your relationship and decide what to do.
2007-03-08 01:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm....how were the two of you before you got married? This could go in different ways, you may be going through a period of "adjustment" that all married couples go through; and I say this because you've only been married seven months; which is not any kind of time to work something out, you know? Let everything out in conseling; that's why you're going. These sessions will bring reall issues to the surface, but if you both think you're beyond help; then it may be time to go your seperate ways, and there's nothing wrong with that. Who wants to be miserable and unhappy everyday? Good luck!!
2007-03-08 09:50:51 · answer #2 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was having problems in my 1st year of marriage, and we argued, fought, and never could agree. I read something in a magazine and thought I'd try it. I said to my new husband, "I know we're having our differences, but lets kiss each other deeply, passionate and lovingly at least once a day." It held us together for a little longer.
COMMUNICATION is so important, what we also did is we took 30 to 45 minutes everyday at a set time and talked to each other. No interference, no TV on or radio. Phones were off. We set a special time to talk about anything, it could be about work, something that happened that day, your feelings for each other, anything. Try it.
Also I went to the library and took out a lot of books to help me understand what was going on in my new marriage and that helped too. I just asked customer service "Where can I find books for newlywed trouble marriages"
2007-03-08 09:51:19 · answer #3 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things aren't going to get any better if your issues aren't faced head on. And counselling is a good place to do that, it allows BOTH of you to get things out that maybe you're too afraid or insecure to say on your own. If you are truly willing to make this relationship work, then continue with counselling. Or maybe start saving up for the fees a divorce would bring about.
As for him having to work, let him know this relationship is important to you and you would appreciate it if he could make more of an effort to get to the appointments.
2007-03-08 09:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by Paula S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to this session even though you are not happy about it. Just be honest and open with the counselor about everything. If he is going to hate you that is his choice to make . He may not feel or hate you as you feel he will though. Give the counselor and your husband a chance and do not give up on your marriage or the situation. You both need to let go of wanting to be in control so much and learn to be more giving and caring. This is one of the things that will have to change no matter what to make the marriage even begin to heal. Basically one of you are going to have to start giving some here to make it start to work and who knows if you choose to be the one to change and to let go of some selfish wants and the control you feel you need then who knows down the road you may start to see a change in your husband. He may have to start to go to counseling even if it is after he gets off of work or maybe on a weekend. Also would the counselor be willing to come to your home to counsel with him at all? Work should not be more important then the marriage to him. I also suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this matter as well. Good luck to the both of you and I am praying that today something changes or works with this counselling session. Here comes hugs to the both of you! You both will also need to start communicating better with each other as well. This will be up to you alot as well as you can be the one to start making a difference in this marriage if you choose to! Basucally change has to start somewhere with someone or it will not work.
2007-03-08 10:38:20 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go by yourself. Given the situation you've painted it is very important that the two of you are going but if he can't go make the effort to go yourself and you're counselor will take into consideration his lack of desire to fix the situation when advising you. Good luck.
2007-03-08 09:47:56 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle118 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 months and marriage counseling, no big deal
marriage isn't always what the inexperienced expect it to be
counseling can help settle things in to a more realistic and constructive perspective
7 months and he's uncooperative re: counseling and putting you down?
Time to annul that marriage or divorce that jerk! Marriage doesn't get easier as time goes on, it gets harder. Pack your bags and find someone to love who loves you back.
2007-03-08 09:49:23 · answer #7 · answered by Bart Simpson 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just be honest with him and pray if he loves you, things will work out it takes to to make a marriage work. Me and my wife has had our share of problems but i cant even phat-ham myself with anyone else. Take it one day at it time if both of you truly want it to work and its gods will it will work out.
2007-03-08 10:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by COLTS WILL WIN SUPERBOWL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is always an option.
Good Luck.
2007-03-08 09:48:03 · answer #9 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
if he is not willing to try to fix things then perhaps you are past the point of no return.....maybe it is time to move on...it shouldn't be this hard so early on...good luck
2007-03-08 09:48:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋