More money?

Question

I have a question that has been bothering me of late. If a man and a woman are living together, how much money should each of them put into the common expenses? I work and bring home approximately $3200 a month. My boyfriend is retired and has an income of approximately the same amount. I have no outstanding bills (car payment, credit cards, etc..). He has a car payment, boat payment and credit card payment every month.

He pays the rent of $1400 and I pay the phone, cable, water, electricity, my cell phone, his cell phone, groceries, gasoline to go to work (45 miles per day) and other incidental expenses. I also make payments on his credit card totaling about $700 a month.


He feels stressed because he feels that he is shouldering the bigger amount of the bills. I feel stressed because I feel that I have no savings and that all of the little bills add up to my whole take home pay.

What do other couples do? What is reasonable for a couple living together to do?

Answer 1

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Answer 2

That's something each couple has to decide for themselves.

However, I think you might want to consider this a good opportunity to have a conversation about your finances and bigger issues than just the monthly bills.

I suspect, by the way you've written your description, that you're harboring a lot of resentment about paying the $700/month toward his credit cards. He's probably resenting the fact that he's paying all of the $1400 rent.

In truth, they essentially cancel each other out, on paper. But that doesn't mean that's necessarily how it feels. Talk about that.

For me personally, if the two people involved are making approximately the same amount of money, we'd each be paying half toward the shared expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.) and we'd each be paying our own PERSONAL expenses (which would include cell phones, as far as I'm concerned.)

You could accomplish this by setting up a joint checking account and each of you depositing half of the budgeted amount for shared expenses. That way whatever is in your own accounts you aren't accountable to each other for spending.

Ultimately, you can, of course, split it up however you like. But I hope you'll look closer here at some long-term goals. Do you want to buy a house? If so, are you planning for that? He's retired, but are you making any plans for your own retirement? These things don't just happen. You have to make them happen.

Answer 3

I think only you can answer that because it depends on the relationship. Some couples only have 1 working and the other totally dependant. It is completly ok for you to want more than that. I personally would want to split all expenses, but if he has previous bills it may not be possible. talk to him and see how long these bills would take to pay off and come to an understanding that he will have to help more when he is in a better financial situation

Answer 4

I completely agree with everything ISOintelligentlife said. The two of you can do whatever you like to do, but in order for it to work and not damage your relationship, you need to both agree to and be comfortable with whatever the arrangement is.

Prior to marriage, my personal thinking is that you split the common bills (rent, utilities, groceries - unless one of you is eating filet mignon while the other is eating hot dogs). Any bills from prior to the relationship should be the individual responsibility of whoever's bills they were. I think there's too much potential for someone to be taken advantage of if one of you pays the other's old debts.

Now, if you decide to get married, then my personal feeling at that point is that everything goes into and comes out of one common pot. Then each of you gets a certain amount per month (say $100) that you can spend no questions asked and everything else requires agreement from both of you. And before you get married, you better both be sure that you're comfortable with how the other handles money.

Answer 5

DO NOT pay his credit card.

To sort out the discrepancies I would sit down and do a written budget.

This sounds like it is a pretty serious relationship and you have very justified concerns. You have worked to establish a debt-free lifestyle with no outstanding payments. DO NOT get dragged into money that he owes-- ESPECIALLY if it was incurred before this realtionship. Only if you decide to marry should you be contributing to his debts.

It already sounds like you know what is reasonable, and this is not.

Answer 6

sounds like he has all the toys and you have all the bills. did he have the debt before you got together or did the both of you buy the boat and car and run up his credit cards? if you had nothing to do with the boat and all...HE should pay his bills and you two should split the house payment, and all the bills 50/50.

Answer 7

What you should do is write down all the expenses and write down who pays for what, and total it up and see what it equals.

When I lived with a boyfriend, I totaled everything up and we both went halves. But for his credit card and boat, cell, and car, HE IS RESPONSIBLE! Don't pay for those! and you pay for your own too.

The house, electric, food, phone, cable, water should be totaled and split. That's all he is and you are responsible for and then the other stuff that is yours you pay for and the other stuff that is his he pays for (after all it is under his name only, and your name only, let it be your responsibility of your own payment).

Answer 8

So if I understand this right you both together pullin approx $6000 a month. You spend about 700 he spends about 1400 together that is about 2100 divide that in half and that is 1050. You both should still be able to save plenty!

Unfortunately, Im the onlyone working in my case so I pay the entire $2000 / month.

Answer 9

You should combine finances and pay bills from a common account. That's what committed couples do. Then there's no stress about who is paying what. With 76,800 take home pay, the 2 of you have it better than most.

Answer 10

for one month write down all your individual expenses and who pays what- keep your receipts and bill stubs- this includes the little things like dinners out, movies, etc.

now you will have a good idea of who pays what and you can work out a fair monthly budget from here and know who is responsible for what

many relationships get in trouble due to finances- you could also pay to consult a financial advisor who would help you manage your budget and help you save for retirement

good luck

Answer 11

This is just one reason why living together before you're ready to fully 100% committ and get married is not a good idea.

If you love eachother enough to plan on spending your future together you wouldn't be so concerned with who's paying for what. You'd stop saying "I bring home...", "I paid for..." and start saying "We need to pay this amount this month for..."

WE, US, OURS...all words you need to learn to use if you're going to live together.