I have a dependent personality disorder. How do I remedy it?

Question

I tend to stay in relationships as long as possible. The threat of an ending relationship is a serious blow to me. I can't handle the loss of people in my life. My parents divorced. I'm divorced and remarried. I'm working on being less dependent by just taking care of my own needs. I'm critical as well so it's hard for others to be with me sometimes. (working on that as well). Gosh, I just need some help. This mix is counter-intuitive because I need people, but also feel like I'm driving them away from me (because critical people aren't generally a lot of fun to be around).

Answer 1

relax. yu are who yu are.

Answer 2

Where did y ou get that awful label? Who would you be if you didn't label yourself this way? Darling, none of us likes that feeling of abandonment. Stop defining yourself by it. God is in the business of mending hearts. If you need a change in your personality or your h eart, then ask Him...he is always open for business. Other than that, focus on living. When you feel complete and secure about yourself, you will attract healthier relationships. You call yourself dependent, critical and not fun. Well what sorts of things would you be doing if you weren't those things? give them a try. You were born just perfect.... you have been through some things ....but I can tell you from experience the glass is half full and half empty. Here's an assignment, please try it. Make a list of all your assets and all your character defects.....just a list of things you like about you and things you dont. When you get done, change the headings on the list. Look at the ways that your strengths get in your way. Look at the way your weaknesses have sometimes been strengths. For instance, coming from a divorced family has made you aware of the value of relationships and focused on doing a better job. Being critical, when its used properly also means that you make informed decisions and get good information.... let go of the labels....live a little and stop being so hard on yourself...when you dont know what to do...stop and think about what you would do for a friend who said/did those things....all the best to you.

Answer 3

you need to get out more on your own and socialize. Join a group like a reading group, gardening club, something you are good at. You need to make a concious effort to do more by yourself and for yourself. this will help you to build your self esteem.
Also, a wise healer that I know told me that when people criticize others they are really criticizing themselves.
He does this great thing called mirror therapy. You and hubby sit across from each other holding a mirror and as you look into the mirror state something that bothers you about the other person- like "you are lazy" or "you are selfish" or whatever it is that you are feeling. as you look into the mirror at yourself you can reflect how those qualities you are criticizing the other person for actually apply to you as well.
When you build up more self esteem you will have far less to say about others and will be able to see yourself differently.

Answer 4

Get a job
Excersise
Enroll in classes
Go to theraphy
Take anti-anxiety medication
Get a dog
Learn to love yourself and to do things on your own.


PS/ My mother had this disorder. It destroyed our family. She refused to learn how to drive so my father would have to drive her around all the time. She even refused ( or faked) not to know how to use the remote control so we had to do it for her. She controlled everything in our lives and, of couse, she didn't allow us to have friends, boyfriends, or even go to college or work without making us feel guilty for "abandoned her".
After years of this emotional abuse and manipulation I had no choice but to leave home and never come back. I haven't spoke to her in 3 years because I couldn't tolerate her behavior anymore. I'm was not willing to keep on listening about "how much she suffers". She always put her needs before her family's, and thats is SO wrong. She was never there to support those around her but demanded our constant support and attention. Sadly, she is all alone now.

Don't let this happen to you. Don't destroy what you love the most. At least you recognize that ou have a problem, my mother never did.


Good luck

Answer 5

The first step is in recognising you have a problem...so, you're probably half way there.

Keep working on yourself and your own needs and don't forget the needs of others as well.

As for being critical, we're all critical of things at times but, if you find you're going overboard, try to put yourself in other people's situations and ask yourself, how would you feel, react if it were you?

Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of other people's feeling's and needs more so than our own.

Answer 6

It's okay to lean on the people who you love and who love you, and you should. You're a step ahead to be able to identify your issues and start dealing with them. It would benefit you to go to counseling to get to the root of your issues and learn ways to deal with your insecurities. Being critical of yourself or others can also be a form of insecurity. Counseling will help you if you let it, and if you take the time and make the effort. Good luck.

Answer 7

Try listening to your friends and not talking about yourself and what you are dealing with during every conversation. I used to be like you and now I think I am better. I always listen to my friends when something is wrong and I don't compare it to me, I just listen and if they ask for advise then I try to offer it. Sometimes becoming a better listener can help you because then people will enjoy talking to you and you will have friends around, but they will also be depanding on you for support in their lives.

Answer 8

Therapy! Really, you need professional help with this so it doesn't follow you your entire life. Most communities offer free mental health counselling if your insurance won't cover it. Pastor at your church if you have one? Anyone trained to deal with this sort of thing so you can get *unstuck* and start loving yourself enough to stop being critical of others.

Answer 9

If you really want to get out from under that you will need extensive psychotherapy. You have to unlearn how you've coped with relationships in the past and learn a better way. ... not easy, good luck.

Answer 10

You should get an anti-anxiety medication. You have great insight to your nature, but sometimes 'a little help from my friends,' but legal, not like the Beatle song, can smooth out our brains. Been there.

Answer 11

you do not have a ailment - anybody does that for the period of a single way or different. i think of you ought to get a magazine or diary to jot down in each and every evening - it might additionally provide you something to look back on and snigger approximately uncomplicated the thank you to't have self assurance you felt that way! it might take the situation of having somebody to communicate to love you used to and would make your techniques quiet sufficient to bypass to sleep!